I suspect that some might feel that I'm being needlessly nitpicky or acting in poor taste when every other review has something along the lines of, "We're concerned about what you'll do IC; please assuage our fears by telling us about your plans!"

It's quite typical for a huge fraction of applicants to mysteriously vanish early on in an RP on this site, presumably because the creative juices stall out and they realize that they didn't actually go in with a plan and they don't know what to post. We truly believe that by holding sheets under an above average level of scrutiny and mandating that everyone indicate at least some level of planning, we'll be able to stave off that problem which plagues much of RPGuild. So I just hope you can see this from our perspective and that you all don't think I'm beating a dead horse as much as I feel that I am as I write these reviews.

Without further ado, here's two more:

[@Turbowraith] for Foe
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Your sheet is in a pretty good position.

In particular, your Sphere is to be commended. You have a very nice and thematic natural connection with the Pit. You've also explicitly considered the essence of your Sphere and its effects, and on the topic of effects, Mourner's Hollow does some cool things on Galbar. It opens the potential for all sorts of spooky places and mischief.

Your Portfolio is also quite nice. I think that our talks went well and that you have a good niche in that Foe offers an alternative to Katharsos' afterlife and throws a sizable monkey wrench into the plans; they'll be natural rivals. I also note and appreciate that you've also left some breathing room for others to do things with undead.

Where weakness enters your sheet and character design in is the persona section. The 'collector of souls' is a tried and true creepy trope and you apply it well here, with the added twist that Foe collects souls moreso out of loneliness than malice or morbidity. The only qualm that we have with your sheet is that Foe is set up to be quite passive, probably even more passive than Katharsos. His ambitions seems quite simple and limited, and ultimately it looks like he won't have much in the way of natural conflict or friendship with anybody else. What will you actually do IC, especially in the very early turns before there are things to have as undead? And after that, what sort of interaction (besides a simmering mutual distaste with Katharsos) can you foresee between the other gods? Have you got any plotlines brewed up?

The three of us are quite concerned about your ability to find things to do IC. If you can address that, you'll have alleviated our sole objection and you'll be left with a very good sheet. I'm hoping that doing so won't be too hard.

But until then, sheet rejected with some questions that we'd like answered. Don't give up because you're almost there!
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[@Doll Maker] for Ekon
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I will begin by saying that Ekon treads a bit on the toes of some of our other 'edgy' gods that have already been accepted. Some overlap is acceptable and indeed almost inevitable; however, this means your sheet gets held to a somewhat higher level of scrutiny. It's not entirely fair because it gets harder tostand out or occupy a unique niche as we get more and more crowded, but we need to try to avoid overlap where we can, and we won't ask those that have already been accepted to make many changes to their sheet.

I didn't say that to lead into an immediate rejection on the basis of your Portfolio, so much as to emphasize that you should talk to those with similar gods (probably Melantha, Orvus, perhaps even Eurysthenes) to make sure that you're going to be able to branch off along your own path and not make one or both of your characters feel redundant or like repeats. I seem to recall from the Discord that you've expressed interest in taking a Monsters Portfolio; if that's the case, then I'm glad to hear that you've planned ahead a bit and that you've found a path to take that hopefully will give you some more breathing room.

Bearing all of that in mind, your Portfolio is still acceptable. You describe it well, have powers that make sense, and have a character that fits. I will mention that making someone's fears truly come alive to create an actual bogeyman might often warrant MP expenditure even with your Portfolio, although your adding the caveat that they are "limited in their lifespan" certainly helps justify you doing this for free in some cases.

Your Sphere is thematically solid and nice mirror of the Palace of Dreams. I can see interesting potential for you and K'nell to interact. On the topic of interaction, we wish you'd solidify your Sphere's position more thoroughly and talk with some more people about natural connections.

Ekon's persona has drawn some criticism from Muttonhawk, and he raised what I find to be an interesting and perhaps valid point, "[Ekon's persona is a] cute for the sake of being unsettling personality and I don't think it has enough depth or longevity to go very far without extra details. If Ekon behaves this way for no reason, there's nothing to explore, nothing to change, and no stories to tell. He's just going to inflict himself on the world in this nihilstic and detached way. It's in danger of getting boring for the author just as fast as it gets boring for the rest of us."

I don't think that the idea of Ekon sometimes acting creepily juvenile to either set someone at ease or set them very much at unease is a bad one, but it probably could use fleshing out. I also think you'd definitely be overdoing it if that's the [i]baseline[/i] for his behavior and how he acts unless he has a rare reason to behave otherwise. For instance, having him often "describing blood-soaked conflicts as 'Da big kapow kapow' and roaring monstrosities as 'snarlies'" without good reason would get old fast and I personally don't think it adds much. In short, by adopting this trope it feels like you're trapping yourself and restricting what you can do with Ekon, and for little narrative benefit.

And as was implied in the paragraph above and as I've said for many reviews now, there was some concern over what you'd do over the first few turns and then what sort of plotlines you'd line up thereafter to keep yourself busy. Have you got any solid ideas brewed up yet that you could share with us?

With the overlap of Portfolios, lack of natural connections, and tumult over persona, there was a fair amount of talk about rejecting your sheet. But most of the discussion took place a few days ago and I can see that you've made recent edits, and I personally think you're pretty close to getting Ekon to the threshold that I'd feel good accepting him.

Sheet rejected for now.
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