You'd think, given the way they are now, that as soon as their relationship became anything more like 'lovers,' the problems had ended. Not true at all. Ryan had a habit of being afraid Brendon was unwilling to commit and might make fun of him if he was at all 'romantic' or even acted like they had a level of platonicism when they were around each other, or he was afraid that he might screw things up beyond belief, more than they'd been before, if he made a move, or he was afraid of. Well. Losing that stupid, unspoken, ongoing competition between them - and that fear lasted for a while, oddly enough, despite him not even wanting that competition after Seattle, when it felt like they'd broken a barrier. That habit translated into him running away after soft touches, or waking up in the mornings and leaving before he could be told to, or rushing kisses and looking around lightning quick to make sure they hadn't been caught. As usual, they didn't communicate, and therefore what was largely an effort not to push Brendon too far made him into the hugest asshole alive. It just looked like he was toying with him, using him and not caring, getting jealous for no reason when he brought around real romantic interests like, say, Ian. (Poor guy. To this day Ryan felt bad).

Now, Ryan clearly had no fear of that, wanted to put everything out in the open - of course, not that that was allowed, not when they were living completely different lives than they were before and now Brendon had 'rules' to abide by. Ryan certainly would follow them, but only when it was easy, probably, and only until he managed to get Brendon on his side somehow, which was [i]unlikely[/i] but he was still going to hold out hope. If anything, he wanted to stay in contact after tour. It wasn't just the physical relationship he'd missed. His company, his conversations; Brendon was so wonderfully weird, and had the exact humor that Ryan could keep up with and throw back at him, and he became so passionate about some things if you got him on a roll that it was almost intriguing to observe as an outsider. His countenance in general, the air he carried about him, had an effect that Ryan felt like he needed back in his life - when very early on he thought it was something he couldn't stand, now it was a relief to feel again, a stress off his shoulders.

[i]You never know.[/i] Ryan smiled fondly. He knew for sure. He'd never been so sure of anything in his life. Brendon was basically a missing half. His, if it wasn't too bold to claim as much. Ryan dropped his shirt, aware of the cold this far back in the venue, still warm this close to Brendon. [i]Y’could’ve gone off me or something.[/i] Ryan studied him closely, wondering if he believed that bullshit, and obviously he didn't. Good - they were on the same page. Maybe it was just something about Brendon and he was talking up this 'deep connection' they were supposed to have; nobody 'went off' him. Whatever, Ryan chose to believe his story. He wondered, really, if Brendon had missed him too, the former frontman who practically bullied him through an album or two, then turned their relationship on its head with no prior warning except for vaguely wistful looks and lustful subtext. There was no reason to miss him. Cut out all the good parts, where they woke up in rays of sunlight coming through the window alongside one another, or in the dark nights in hotel rooms where they weren't really doing [i]anything[/i] apart from watching a movie or just being in the other's company while they worked, or when they were vulnerable enough to whisper sweet nothing to one another, crammed in someone's bus bunk. Not even that could make up for the bad times, not yet.

It was all still there, under the surface, and Ryan could tell because an innocent comment made Brendon wary, ready to be mocked and throw it back at him like they used to so well. He was sated for half a second before pulling back, affronted, nd Ryan regarded him easily, much more lax. [i]Maybe it’s a challenge for [/i]you. [i]Just you wait, Rowe, you’ll feel me for [/i]days. Ryan laughed at the reference, shrugging breezily, like he was ready now to test the challenge in question. Kind of was. But they were moving frighteningly fast, even for them. He agreed to the rules, nonetheless, and offered up his own. softening the air even further by pressing more kisses to every inch of skin available. [i]Sorry, it’s just me [/i]acting out. Ryan smiled against him, figuring as much. [i]See, I’ve just missed [/i]you [i]so much.[/i] Sure you have. It replayed in his head, how Brendon had no reason to, and he was almost sullen until Brendon was pressing his hips forward and Ryan forgot every single thought he'd ever had. He buried his face in his shoulder, catching his breath.

[i]I really have missed you. Don’t be too jealous of Dallon, he’s too sweet for me anyway.[/i] Ryan paused, pulling his head back up to look at him more carefully, a tiny, fond smile gracing his features. So maybe he did miss him, too. Ryan paused to think, but it was hard - the most coherent he could get was entertaining fantasies, 'what if's, what if they'd stayed together, what if they'd made it work, what if he hadn't run away all the time. The scene became more innocuous the more he dwelled on it, more borderline romantic, and his hands settled on either side of Brendon's face, affectionate as ever. [b]"I thought of you. All the time,"[/b] he admitted earnestly, chewing his lip. As if he had anything to lose at this point. [b]"Talking until three in the morning, when we had to get up at six. Exploring every new city. 'Soulmates' is a funny concept, I think, but I need you around, Bren."[/b]