[h1]Breaths[/h1] The Oasis, Hammerfell Day of Midyear, 4e208 Through Everything, A Calm Heart and Still Mind Will Prevail… [hr] Latro awoke with a start, knuckles white around his rondel dagger. His shoulders rose and fell with the hard breath of a nightmare just releasing him from his grip. But that was… it felt so real. Not like a dream but like he was plucked from yesterday and dropped back to all those years ago, before this Oasis, before the Expedition, before Francis. Before everything. He looked over to see Sora still asleep, surprisingly. He rubbed at his face, groaning, before he got up and exited the tent. His groggy march to the water’s edge was uninterrupted and he took up some water and splashed it over his face. He was still in his trousers from the night before, and nothing else, though that surprised nobody. He sat there on his haunches, alone, until finally he spoke, “Hello, Raelynn.” The blonde mage had been sat for some time at the water, legs crossed and eyes closed. A canteen beside her which she had filled and consumed a few times over since she had woken. The exhaustion and dehydration plagued her no more. As she meditated by the edge, the near silent footsteps of someone approaching caused her to open just one of her blue eyes. Latro. “Good morning to you,” she said softly, her voice somewhat hoarse still. She relaxed herself, and allowed her legs to unfold and shoulders to drop. It felt nice. “We seem to be the early birds today.” “Yeah,” Latro nodded, eyes closed as he heaved in a sigh, still shaken by the nightmare, “Yeah. Why are you up so early?” “Trouble sleeping again,” she replied as she opened the other eye and pulled her knees up to her chest. “You having trouble to?” She asked, wondering if something may have been bothering him, his usual energy was amiss. Latro nodded, keeping it at that for a while. Memories flashed across his mind, the nightmares were getting worse but this one was so different than the rest. It made him feel wrong, “Yes. I, um, always have. Memories. Over and over.” he didn’t know why he was loosening his tongue so much, but Raelynn was his friend. She would deserve to know, at least know a little, “We both know helplessness. I used to be a whore. I don’t know why I’m telling you but it feels good to talk. Maybe it’s healing, not letting it have power over me. Maybe I’m just so fucking desperate I’ll blabber to anyone with ears.” “Well, healing is more than just magicka and restoration spells. I learn that more and more each day.” She thought back to what Sora had told her the day before, about Latro - and of Pale Feather, the dichotomy of personalities living within her fair Breton. She would not press it, unwilling to breach the confidence Sora had placed in her. “Memories of what?” she asked gently, thinking back to Gregor and his nightmare - how she had been able to soothe his stress over it, perhaps she could do the same for Latro. Latro chuckled bitter, looking to Raelynn, “What does a whore do, Raelynn?” He said, all his bitterness guttering out, “I fucked, I [i]was[/i] fucked.” The bard’s manner of speech was so unlike him that it gave her a start, what had been settled within her this morning was unsettled once more and she recoiled, “I…” He placed the tips of his fingers into the water and began to swirl them, watching the ripples, “It was like how you felt when you were under Zaveed’s thumb. Only stretched over years.” He flicked his fingers out of the water, kicking up droplets that glistened in the sunlight, “I don’t know. The nightmare I had was so godsdamn vivid. Like I was there again. I could feel the chill of the wind, the grass between my toes, everything.” He shook his head, eager to change the subject, “What plagues your dreams?” It was hard to still feel vexed at Latro when he was allowing her such a glimpse into his darkness. It was equally hard for her to look away. “Hammer and nails,” she said rather bluntly, “the rest of it is other things. It’s the feeling. The very visceral nature of our mind creating landscapes of what we fear the most, what we long to forget. It feels like a betrayal.” Her eyes fell to the ground to watch her fingers toy with the moss beside her. She began to twist at it and tear it from the rock surface it clung to. “Have you… have you ever talked about this before?” She could sense that he had wanted to change the subject, but she also knew that painting over it and ignoring it would not help him. Latro was in great pain. Latro shook his head. It wasn’t something he ever wanted to. Hell, his entire life before Francis was something he never wanted to talk about and here he was, asking Orcs for tutelage on how to control the roiling flames inside of himself. “I never intended for anything like this to happen. I was supposed to be Latro the Bard from Camlorn. That’s [i]it[/i].” He spat, “Sora knows some things, but when she saw my history in the Reach for herself in the Palace, it turned her away from me. Just a bit.” “I’m sorry, Raelynn.” Latro said under his breath, just loud enough for her to hear him, “Would you, um, like to take a walk?” Raelynn thought on his words, a great shadow hung across his shoulders like a cloak, weighing him down under its weight. How exhausting it must be for him. She wanted to reach out and touch him, but he was so agitated that she felt it wasn't the right time. She tilted her head to the side stood up from her spot. “I'd love to take a walk,” she replied and waited for him - he should lead the way. He offered a half smile and got to his feet with Raelynn. It was quiet between them until they were out among the dunes, just past the mouth of their cavern camp. He sighed, “I know how you must feel.” He began, “I saw Gregor and Zaveed. You must think I’ve forgotten those moments we shared in the infirmary. Like I’d cast aside everything I said about not letting them hurt us anymore, any of us. Don’t you?” “Ah,” she began before sighing slightly under her breath. “I don't believe that you forgot, no.” Her steps slowed and she flipped her hair to one side, absent-mindedly braiding it over her shoulder. “I'm no longer scared of Zaveed. That fear stopped when I put his own dagger in his chest.” “Forgive me for being somewhat confused to have found you that day, by choice, with the one who hurt you though…” “I’m as confused as you are,” he offered a smile as they walked, “Funny how friendships bloom, and where. We started our relationship by brutalizing each other in a warehouse. He saved my life, Raelynn. He’s not as bad.” “As odd as it sounds, he’s been on our side from the beginning. You should talk to him. He’s not a bad person, I learned.” He stayed quiet for a bit, “I’m glad you found peace in your own way. If you did that to Zaveed, how did he live?” “Hmmm, maybe I would if I could get a word out of him. He didn't say much to me last time.” Latro had seemed to lightened up, was it the sun? The air? Company? She wasn't sure. But if she could help him stay that way then she would. “I do have to admit though, being as short and frail as I am, you can imagine it's not too often I put the fear of the God's into someone. Maybe I quite liked it…” Questions about Zaveed had been hanging around for some time. It was the subject nobody really wanted to poke at. Too tense. “He lives because I couldn't kill him… I saw the light going out in his eyes and I couldn't go further… I think I thought if I showed him compassion he would change. I also told him I never wanted to see him again, so now I wonder if it was a mistake. I don't feel better.” There was no hesitation in her words, just exhaustion and she realised it. He had done nothing to deserve her attitude. “I’m sorry Latro, I just thought it was over…” “I know, Raelynn,” Latro nodded along as they walked, eyes not leaving the sand but there was still sympathy in his voice, until he spoke again, “I wanted to kill him. Bad, horribly, when I saw him strutting about with the love of my damned life looking like a shivering dog on his leash.” “Call it weakness, maybe, but I’d call what you did strength.” He offered a smile to Raelynn, “If it were me there, I don’t know if I could have done it like you. Maybe we’d be in a better place because of it, maybe not. Only time will tell. For what it’s worth, I’m glad he didn’t turn you into a killer.” He sighed, shaking his head, “We have enough of those.” “I remember saying something to her when we were… in the warehouse. She hasn’t mentioned it, maybe she feels awkward about it, maybe she’s scared to.” She took a deep breath in through her teeth. It had been on her mind ever since, it was something she hadn’t been able to confess. “When he asked her to choose between Roux and I…” She exhaled the breath slowly, her fingers combing out the braid that she had styled into her hair. She realised that for the first time in a while, she felt nervous and vulnerable with someone besides Gregor. “Well I told her that it was okay if she didn’t pick me, and I meant it.” Her eyes swiftly shot to Latro’s, waiting for his reaction, she didn’t give him time. “Please don’t mention it to anyone, certainly not Gregor. It’s… not how I feel now, I promise.” “I don’t think many would have done it. It wasn’t the right thing to do, but it wasn’t wrong either… I’m sorry, I don’t know why I just told you that… And for what it’s worth, you did what you could, and what you had to do. That’s enough, more than enough in fact.” “Please,” he said, tucking a stray lock behind his ear. His hair was starting to get too long, he began to toy with it, trying to gather his thoughts, “I’m sorry you ever felt like that. I know how low a person can go, trust me. Living as a slave-whore does that to you. If anything, I sympathize with the feeling of not wishing to live and not having the fortitude to do it yourself. Just seeing the chance and jumping towards it, or meekly shuffling at it.” He swallowed, sighing, “It’s good, though. That you don’t feel like that. You deserve to be strong, Raelynn.” He smiled at her, “You won’t have to worry about any of this being spoken about to Gregor, or anyone else. I trust you won’t go spewing the fact I used to be a whore to everyone next time we settle down for campfire stories.” He chuckled softly. “God’s, we’re a bit of a pair aren’t we?” She scoffed, followed by a chuckle to match Latro’s. “I think all of us have been through something now though, it’s not just us is it? We should all be there for each other, as they say - or some shit like that…” she didn’t have much experience of being open and vulnerable with others, and still it made her uncomfortable - something she couldn’t hide on her face. Still, she was glad to have spoken to someone now. “I won’t talk about it, either. That’s not a story for me to tell. I hope one day you can be so free of it that you can tell it though. If there’s anything I can do to help you, an ear or… well, anything.” She carefully reached out and took his hand, holding it between hers comfortingly, with a gentle squeeze. “I’m not the best at talking things through, never had a group of people as large or as long as this, so you’ll have to forgive my inexperience there,” the Breton tittered, rubbing a thumb in soft circles in the back of Latro’s hand, “there are other ways I can help you though, with the sleep and nightmares. Now [i]that[/i], that I can do.” He gave his easy smile when Raelynn squeezed his hand in her own. The movement and sensation of her thumb on the back of his hand was somewhat mesmerizing as he looked at it, not even taking his eyes away as he spoke, “Could you, really?” Gods, to be free of that. Especially now. They had been steadily getting worse since this entire thing started. He hadn’t had a proper sleep without first sneaking away with his poppy-wine or just forgoing sleep for so long he could almost collapse with exhaustion by the time he felt ready to settle into his bedroll. The nightmare he had woken from earlier stood out the clearest. “How?” He asked. Raelynn let her own smile follow Latro’s, “I can try. It won’t be instant - but I believe if you work at a certain technique… Over time, you’ll feel better.” She began to lead him to a shaded spot of the sand - hard to believe that there was shade out here, but the sun was at just the right height in the sky that it had created a long shadow of a rock that they could sit beneath. “I knew a young man once, and he may well have been the angriest and most reckless man I’ve ever met. He had such a rage inside of him and, while he never explicitly said so, I know he was a very… seasoned killer. He was forever getting injured because of this rage. It wasn’t until I sat him down and taught him to [i]breathe[/i] and [i]listen[/i] to his body that he was able to let some of it go.” She got down onto the sand, cross legged as she had been when Latro stumbled across her, and she motioned with her hand for him to do the same. “Have you ever meditated before, Latro?” “Never,” he chuckled sheepishly as he sat across from Raelynn, cracking a small joke, “Could you tell?” “Actually, no. It won't take me long to show you,” she said with sincerity. Her hands purposely found their way to rest on her knees, palms up. “Do as I do,” Raelynn smiled as she looked across at Latro. “Close your eyes.” Her usual tone had been replaced just then with a soft and breathy whisper. “Then just take in one big, deep breath, feel it in your chest… as it moves through you to your stomach… hold it there…” As he followed her, he could almost feel the stress and tension melting away. He listened to her soft voice, the intimacy of it sending a long shiver down his spine as he breathed in, out, in, then out. Before he knew it, he wasn’t in the Alik’r. He wasn’t anywhere. Just [i]here[/i], with Raelynn and nothing else. “Hold it…. And release,” she breathed again, opening one eye to glance at Latro, he looked to be more relaxed already, and she smiled at the sight. “Feel all that energy leave… Let it go to the wind… Once more breathe in, deep into your lungs… Think of somewhere beautiful… A beach... “ Raelynn held a pause to allow him time to conjure up the image for himself before she continued. “Feel the soft sand beneath your feet… The breeze rolling to you from the waves… Listen to them gently fall upon the shore... Listen to them return to the ocean… Breathe with the waves… In… and out again…. In…..” She elongated all of her soft words - drawing them out in time with his breathing. [hr] By the time they had stopped, Latro had just noticed the shadow of the dune they were under had shifted so as to bathe his shoulder in the hot sunlight. It was the only thing that broke him from his relaxation, and he opened his eyes dreamily to his friend sitting across from him. A tired and easy smile was on his face and he waited a few moments, letting the silence stretch on for a bit. He closed his eyes, took in one last breath, and let it out. “Thank you, Raelynn.” He smiled at her. “I’ll try this on my own sometime but we should do this every so often.” She hummed in appreciation as she brought herself around from her own moment of relaxation too. “I’d be happy to help you with it anytime. It’s my… job, to keep you in the best shape. That doesn’t just go for physical ailments.” She stared out over the dunes again, a sight she would never quite get used to. It seemed that every hour under the sun changed their form and colour, right now the furthest reaches of the horizon were a scorching red. “Now, I think I’ll go and see what Gregor is doing,” with that, she uncrossed her legs and stood up, an expressly feminine poise and elegance in her stance. “Anytime you need anything, you know where I am.”