[center][h3]Control[/h3]
[i]By Stormy and Greenie[/i][/center]
[hr][i]16th of Midyear, Noon, the Oasis[/i]

Having left Sevari to his own affairs after their chat, Sirine felt quite at ease, a placid smile on her face as she made her way from the edge of the cave, heading further in. She had thought of perhaps stopping by and to see how Zaveed was doing, but her stomach dictated that she made a move to satiate it instead. People watching from afar was nice, but even mingling silently had its merits. By now the former pirate knew everyone in the camp’s faces and names, no longer simply identifying them by their race. She knew their companion in prison was called Alim, and it was clear they thought quite a bit about him.

The sight of fair hair caused her to pause in her steps; looking ahead, she recognized the small woman, the healer anyone she had talked to had spoken about. [i]Raelynn Hawkford[/i]. The family name was somewhat familiar, being from a merchant background, but she wasn’t too sure if her estranged family had ever exchanged money. And frankly, she didn’t care either, so she disregarded the passing thought as soon as it came. What was much more pertinent was the fact that she had saved Zaveed’s life when she had all the right to take it away from him. [i]Why?[/i] She was grateful beyond words, but Sirine just couldn’t understand it.

“Good day,” she called after a moment of waiting, taking a couple of steps forward before stopping where there was adequate distance between the two. 

That was not a voice she immediately recognised, which only served to get instantly get her on the back foot. She had been preparing food again, and preparing snack portions for the road for she and Gregor. Now there was a [i]presence[/i]. She turned her head to face the source of the sound, and it was as expected - Sirine. Raelynn had tried to avoid the girl, she'd found that her anger at Zaveed was also anger at her too. “Yes?” she quickly said, a knife sitting comfortably in her palm, as she stood up from the rock she had been sat on. Her posture was soft and feminine but her eyes were filled with some kind of burning intensity towards the stranger. “Can I help you?” a smooth voice accompanied the words, and a slight smile too. [i]She was uncomfortable.[/i]

Sirine had been around people long enough to know when someone wasn’t too pleased with her presence- that sort of thing happened when you boarded ships and took out captains. It was no surprise to her that while the healer’s words were cordial, there was something lingering in them. Mistrust? Anger? Dislike? She wasn’t too sure, but she hadn’t expected anything else. Gregor’s words the day before showed her that people would judge her for the company she kept.

However, she wasn’t here to fuel negative feelings, she merely wanted to fuel herself. “I came here looking for something to eat,” she explained, eyes roaming the area before resting on Raelynn once more. “I’m Sirine, though I’m assuming you already know that.”

“Bold of you to assume I’d care enough to know,” she retorted in clipped tones with a soft chuckle, and she raised an eyebrow to go along with it. It was a catty response, even by her standards. She didn’t feel so uncomfortable with the girl all of a sudden. The Breton took her seat again and upheld her ladylike posture on the rock. “There’s plenty of food here, it just needs to be prepared. We don’t really seem to have any one chef amongst our party anymore I’m afraid.” Brynja crossed her mind, the stews she had fed them with on the road between Skingrad and Anvil, and she thought of their last encounter together. Raelynn hoped that the Nord was alright, and having as safe a travel as she could. “I’m Raelynn, and I’m assuming that you [i]definitely[/i] know that.” She held out her hand daintily towards Sirine, for her to shake it, to formally introduce themselves to each other. She could be catty in her words, but she would not abandon gentility.

Sirine couldn't help but half smile at the reply she had received when she mentioned her name; in hindsight, she knew it was to be expected. "It often happens that we end up knowing things we don't particularly care about, isn't that right?" She didn't reject the hand that was offered to her, taking hold and giving it a brief shake before letting go. Even in that brief interaction, Sirine could feel how much softer the healer's hand was compared to her own. Either physical labour was something she never had to contend with much, or she had all the products in the world to make sure her skin remained smooth even after. In fact, it was quite surprising and perhaps a feat that the Breton woman looked no worse for wear, whereas the others were still trying to gain their bearings. 

It was easy to tell that despite both their families being merchants, their upbringings had been rather different. 

Her eyes shifted away from the healer to the ingredients spread, wondering whether it was worth the effort to make something edible or simply grab the nearest edible ingredient and be done with it. "Yes, I have certainly heard your name, Raelynn." She looked to the Breton woman, placid smile remaining. "From pretty much everyone I've met here, in fact. You're quite the valued member of this group."

“What can I say? They’re a good group of people. They really are, took me too long to realise this.” It brought a little warmth to her heart to hear that people hadn’t forgotten her, and it put her at ease to think that Sirine had probably listened to them, and had somewhat of a nice impression of her already. She shook the Imperial’s hand gracefully with as warm a smile as she could muster. It felt… Off, to shake her hand though, and to talk to the girl. “You seem like a woman who appreciates candor Sirine, so I’ll be honest, I was put off by you upon your arrival to our group. I needn’t explain why.” As she took another look at Sirine, she could see that some of her hair had been removed, it was… choppy at best, and she grimaced at the sight before going back to the dried meats and fruit. 

"Fair enough," Sirine replied. She was travelling alongside with the person who tortured this woman. "Truth be told, I wasn't too pleased with the decision that our groups had to join for a common cause either." The anger she had felt when Latro and Daro'Vasora had left to drag their group to the caravan still lingered within the former pirate. Perhaps it was childish, but she continued to feel as if those from Samara Cell, as she now knew they had been called, had barged [i]their[/i] way into [i]her[/i] little trio. "But we don't often get to chose what situations we are dropped in." She watched as the woman looked away from her, tending to her own affairs. [i]Well, if we're not skirting around issues...[/i]

"Why didn't you kill him?"

The sheer audacity of the question. Raelynn found it almost admirable, and any feelings of being defensive petered off after that. She smirked over gritted teeth, rolling her tongue over her front row as she thought of what to say, her eyes staring down at the dried apricots she was cutting into halves. They looked like round golden jewels on the cutting board, a splash of gorgeous colour against the salted meat and nuts. She slid them next to a small pile of dates. “We don’t get to choose, do we? I didn’t want to be part of this group for a very long time, I still don’t know if I do.. It was out of my control.” The knife left her palm and was placed on the board, and Raelynn turned her head to look at Sirine, she patted the ground, inviting Sirine to sit. 

“Control. A big word, isn’t it?” she remarked, the syllables of the words drawn out and her tone softening, as if she was continuing to think on them as she spoke. “Perhaps I saved him because I wanted to take back control of the situation.” The mage pursed her lips and tracked the individuals around the camp with an intensity in her eyes like a predator staring at its prey. She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and gentle femininity returned. “People would have expected me to kill him, and they would have understood. But to turn the tables on the situation? That gives me.... A level of control, it gives me power.” Her lips curled into a smile, it wasn’t the truth -- she’d saved him because she didn’t have it in her to take a life like that, and the ability to heal was her greatest gift. Compassion had separated them at that point in time. And there had been [i]something[/i] else, that she didn’t know or understand still. “Spite, defiance… I wanted to be different to what would have been expected of me. I made a choice that only [i]I[/i] could have made. That is why I [i]saved[/i] him.” She uttered with a confident finality, changing Sirine’s phrasing. 

A fleeting moment of hesitation had come over the former pirate, but she had sat down on the ground, finding it much less awkward than standing. What she had to listen to next was certainly enlightening, but what surprised her even more was that she actually understood how Raelynn must have felt. It was different from hearing the bitter hatred from Gregor about what happened, or the emotionless explanation from Jaraleet. She didn't need to hear what happened to know how Raelynn had to have felt in that moment when she decided whether Zaveed lived or died.

"Control," she repeated softly, almost under her breath. "Yes, I can understand that, perhaps more than most here." She thought back to the event that had changed her life completely, the one that forced her to realize that unless she was as ruthless as those around her, she wouldn't be able to survive the cruel world. Yet this woman... had done the opposite of what she had done. She let the person who hurt her remain alive to breathe another day. She [i]saved[/i] him. Compassion, a word she was hearing a lot in the last few days. Sirine saw it as a weakness, yet sitting here next to this woman, it didn't seem to be one. To Sirine, it seemed as if [i]she[/i] was the weak one, the one who had not been in control. 

The realization stung more than a knife to the gut.

"You saving him ended up saving me," she said after a moment. Her face was positively neutral, but it had been a task to force those words out of her. "So while I'm grateful to him, I am in fact grateful to you as well."

“You know, Sirine, I understand your anger. I have it too, I have a lot of it - or I did, until I started just recently to try and let things go.” She lingered on the night before, the conversation she had with Zaveed, the change she had glimpsed in him and how she had found a way to tap into him to make him [i]hear[/i] her words. She didn’t know this girl enough to know if she would listen to anything she had to say. “It’s funny you say that, about how what [i]I[/i] did for Zaveed had an impact on [i]your[/i] life. Our actions act like ripples you see, we may do one thing and think that to be it, but actions spread outwards... I explained the same concept to Zaveed.” She smiled at Sirine, a sincere smile this time. It was nice to see the girl soften a little, especially as she had been stomping around since their arrival.

Raelynn reached forwards to a sack of food, there were some tomatoes in there, a portion of cheese, some salt, and an oil of some kind. She took out two of the tomatoes and began to chop them, placing the slices into a bowl with care before she got started on crumbling the cheese. “My mother used to make a dish like this, cheese and tomatoes. So simple, but she told me that when she was growing up that it always felt like the greatest luxury. The red tomatoes with their sharp sweetness, and the creaminess of the cheese… She said it was happiness in a bowl.” From her observations of the girl now, she could see that Sirine had been bothered by something. Perhaps her anger and detached nature around the camp was more than just… fear, or hatred for the group. If what was being said was to be believed, she was searching for her brother. She had heard whispers that the girl was overly defensive and stern with those she had spoken with, which didn’t exactly fill Raelynn with a desire to befriend her but if they were going into the prison together - then Sirine should at least feel somewhat welcome and safe in their company. “When I first saw you, I was so angry - I felt like Zaveed had been rewarded for his foul behaviour with a friend and ally, I did not know that he had saved your life.” With that, she slid the bowl of salad to Sirine. A small gesture of kindness might, at the very least, prevent Sirine from sniping at everyone for a while...

“Thank you.” With that said, Sirine quietly took the bowl that was offered to her and took a morsel of the salad. It was nothing like she had tasted before, and certainly much tastier than the greens she'd attempt to eat when she was in Gilane. Perhaps it was the combination that tickled her taste buds? Nonetheless, she was happy her mouth was too preoccupied with chewing, giving her time to think over what the blond healer had told her, and think over her own feelings on the matter. After a while, she set the half empty bowl before her, finally looking back at Raelynn. “Saved my life is probably overly exaggerated, truth be told. I was…” She stopped, thinking better than to simply blurt out the truth. “I was in a situation that caused me to stagnate. I wanted to find my brother yet I couldn’t see the way to achieve that, and the constant sense of failure turned me into a shadow of myself.” She looked away from the healer in the direction of where she and the khajiit were camping. “I found him one morning on the docks, alive yet looking as if death chewed him up and spat him back out. He… reminded me of myself in a similar situation. All I did was show him a place to bathe and gave him clothes to wear, yet he took it upon himself to free me from the misery I was in, with a promise to save my brother.”

Unable to stop herself, her hand grasped her medallion as she continued. “All my life people have fucked me over, my own family even... Yet this strange man took it upon himself to change my life in a single morning, for nothing in return.” She let out a breath; her hand tightening before falling away from the coin and into her lap. “Apologies, I very much doubt you wished to hear the tale of my past, sparse though this rendition was.” She reached for the bowl once more and began to eat, her mind still awhirl even if her expression betrayed little.

All Raelynn could do was listen - she was surprised that her gesture had prompted Siring to open up to her, she had so far seemed completely closed off. It was annoyingly endearing and she worked hard to restrain a sneer. She wondered how long Zaveed had been sat there after she herself had left until Sirine came along, it almost seemed as though the Imperial had been meant to find him. Raelynn was not entirely inclined to believe in such things, however, and yet - here they all were, heading to the same destination with the same goal. To rescue someone that meant something to them. 

Her fingers worked to bag up the snacks into pouches, and her mind ran through what Sirine had shared, she had been nodding at intervals so she would know that the mage was listening along with her story. “People have the capacity to hurt and betray us, but that does not mean all people will, Sirine. I’m glad that you have found trust in Zaveed. It’s a different experience to what I had with him, but if you believe in him then let that help you in turn, to trust others too.” She pulled the drawstring on each bag, placing them both at her side. She was done with her task, and she pivoted in her seat to face the girl head on now. “I did not ask to hear your story, you’re right, but you saw fit to tell me anyway. I hope that means you are coming around to the idea of this [i]merger[/i].” It was the only tactful way that she could explain it. “You’re the only one of the three of you without a relationship to any of us in our group. It must be difficult, I have been unnecessarily hateful towards you - this does not help us with our shared goal.” She said, but without apology. 

She deliberately took three of the remaining apricots and handed them to Sirine. “Your brother must be very special to you for you to do all of this. I have no siblings, so I can’t say I can understand what you feel, but know that my friend who is also in the prison is very special to me too. I want [i]us[/i] to trust each other, so we can get the job done. I have no intention of [i]fucking you over[/i] on this mission, and I can say with absolute certainty that none of my people will either. They’re [i]good[/i]. It’s not in their nature to leave a man behind.” She pulled her hand back to her side, a plain expression on her features but her eyes still shone like sapphires, aglow with something, “my question is, when you get what you want on this mission, [i]will you?[/i]”

"There's an old saying, not sure where it's from, but it's apt." Bowl now empty, Sirine set it down once more, sighing softly with satisfaction. She hadn't expected a good meal when she came here, so even if her mind was unsettled, at least her stomach wasn't. "[i]A person who has had their tongue burned will blow even on cold milk[/i]. Trust... isn't something I easily dispense, and I'll admit the first day here I was very wary that anyone may just stab Zaveed at night and be done with it. If I was in your place, I would have. Even now, I do not fully trust anyone here save my two companions, though the notion that he'll be killed is no longer there at least." She paused, thinking about what Gregor had said, what Sevari had just mentioned to her." I've been hearing this a lot since I came here. [i]Good[/i] people. [i]Better[/i] people. I'm not that, there's no way I could be after my deeds."

She spared a glance at Raelynn before taking the apricots, holding them in her lap for the time being. "Even as a small time pirate, there was one thing the people I interacted with knew- I keep my word, I don't betray people I have agreed to help. Sevari is keen on keeping friends in this group, and I will not make that difficult for him. As for Zaveed..." Push come to shove, she would follow him; she trusted him the most and he [i]was[/i] the one leading her to her ultimate goal back... home. And if she was being honest with herself, she enjoyed his company. It was nice to finally spend time with someone who seemed to relate to her and enjoyed the nautical life as much as she did… had. "The last thing he wishes at the moment is to antagonize this group further, and I'm not going to squander his effort. I don't expect this group to have faith in my words- I certainly wouldn't- but if you wish to hear it, then that is a 'no'. No, I will not run and leave someone behind to suffer. I have never been that sort of coward."

Looking at the apricots in her hand, she deposited a couple in her free one before before bringing the sole dried fruit to her mouth, chewing methodically when she did. Questions still lingered in her mind, some more than others, and yet she no longer had the heart or drive to ask them. 

She wondered briefly if she had incensed or bothered Sirine with her question, it was likely. Nobody liked to be asked about loyalty like that, but she [i]had[/i] to ask, and she had to choose her next words strategically. “I thought as much about you Sirine. You don’t strike me as the sort who would do such a thing, so yes, you’re correct. I just had to hear you say it.”

“As for these people - they’re good, yes. Better? How can I know that or make that call? I know so little about you and the supposed things you’ve done. Actions don’t always make us who we are, Sirine. Is a boy who steals bread to feed his whole family when they starve truly a thief? Is a beaten woman suddenly a killer when she strikes back?” Raelynn too, ate some of the fruit as she sat beside the Imperial girl, allowing her to think over the questions. “Don’t ask what, ask [i]why[/i].” 

The Breton took a sip from her water canteen, eyes glancing down at the snack pouches. She rubbed her chin with her free hand before scooping them up and handing them, like the apricots, to Sirine. “Take these, for yourself and Sevari, or for Zaveed. You’ll need something for the journey - keep your strength up.” With a small smile on her face, she placed her hands flat in her lap. “With matters of trust, if your tongue is burnt then maybe it’s time to treat that wound. Continuing to let it burn you only allows the adversity you faced to defeat you slowly.” Raelynn said in a whispered tone, moving slowly towards the girl as she gave Sirine a wink. “And you know, Zaveed will tell you I’m quite the healer - if the [i]burn[/i] is so bad and is troubling you, maybe that can be helped.”

"Believe me... a boy thief and a beaten woman murderer are saints..." Sirine didn't continue her thoughts, however. Did it really matter, in the end? It was no matter of pride, seeing who was better and who was worse, and she had no desire to act like it did. "When I said better, I was simply quoting Sevari. He seems to think quite positively of most of your group... calling them better people than the three of us." She spread her hands and shrugged lightly, a mild smile on her face. "It would seem he isn't incorrect..." She nodded towards the apricots as well as the snack pouches she was just given. It was hard to believe the healer was the necromancer's lover, though if she thought of it, they both did bring people back to life… in a fashion.

She blinked a little as Raelynn moved closer to her; the healer's change of tone and stance had the former pirate confused. "So I've heard," she replied, her eyes shifting away to the snack pouches, in which she deposited the two uneaten apricots. She shook her head, smile still intact when she looked at Raelynn once more. "Unfortunately, this is the sort of burn I have to learn to heal myself... But I appreciate the offer, as well as the food. I have to admit I wasn't expecting the... hospitality. Perhaps your work as a healer is already showing fruition?" Her neutral smile shifted to one tinged with amusement for the smallest moment before returning to its former self. "Thank you, Raelynn." Letting out a small breath she pulled herself to her feet, making sure she kept a firm grip on the snack pouches.

The Breton drew a smile upon her lips, their conversation had been interesting to say the least. She only hoped that she’d been able to do enough to wind down the Imperial’s attitude - at least for now.  All Raelynn wanted was for Alim to be safe, and for everyone to get out with their lives. As long as they were all on the same page, she believed that they would. There should be no tension in the air, and yet she couldn’t help but continue to sense it, like a piece of string pulled so taught - it was bound to snap sooner or later. 

“I’m glad we had this chat, I understand that there are things that you must do yourself. I know that more than anyone…” her voice trailed off lazily as she thought back to the days she spent with Rhoka in her father’s Gilane residence. She hoped the girl was doing well, she had suspected there was a fleeting romance between Zhaib and the handmaiden, but she could never be sure. It’s not like Zhaib would have said anything about it either way. “As for what Sevari thinks, it’s subjective is it not? You may believe that we’re better in some way, on whatever level you judge that - it doesn’t mean that you can’t ever be.”

She looked down at the piles of ingredients and scratched her head, “I suppose I will have to make more snacks now…” followed by a quiet and gentle laugh. She should probably get to work on putting the mushrooms to use too, the group was going to need potions. She wondered if after all this work she would have time for a quick nap before they left. Most likely not. She sighed. “Take care of yourself Sirine, and please, if you need anything then I’ll be sure to waive my consultation fee.” Raelynn smiled gracefully, before picking up the knife once more, running her thumb over the blade softly, and getting back to work. It seemed these days, that the work never stopped.

Sirine nodded, smiling a little more sincerely when she looked the healer's way. "I'll be sure to remember that," she replied. Taking a breath, she lingered only long enough to see Raelynn return to work before turning around and making her way back to camp. She paused by her bedroll and dropped the snack pouches on top, deciding she'd pass them along later rather than search down Zaveed and Sevari, neither who seemed to be in her line of sight at the moment. Letting out a sigh, she walked to the mouth of the cavern and headed out under the wide blue sky for the first time since the group's arrival to the oasis. The hot desert air touched her immediately, like a slap to the face, but she didn't mind. She felt much too restless to stay inside. 

It didn't take long for her to find someplace to simply settle down and look out upon what seemed like neverending sand dunes. In a way it reminded her of the sea and how it felt as if the water could just continue ever onward without a pause. Sighing yet again, she pulled her knees up, resting her arms upon them, and her chin on her arms in turn. She felt very strange after her talk with Raelynn. It had been much less awkward than she had assumed, yet now that it was over and she was alone, she felt very out of her element, overwhelmed. Her eyes darkened as they caught sight of one of her wrist, or rather the scar that decorated it. A rope burn; her other wrist had its twin. She had never let them affect her- what were a couple of more scars to the collection she already had? But right now, in this moment, she hated them. It had been hard to remember anything that had happened that day, but she had assumed she'd been tied so as not to escape... not that she could have anyway.

[i]Should I have left them alive?[/i] The thought caused her a surge of nausea, to the point where she pressed the back of her hand to her mouth. Even now, she couldn't fathom doing such a thing. Even now, she could remember the pure pleasure she had felt watching the man begging for his life before she killed him. She had thought she was in control then. Now she only felt weak and petty. 

[i]Pathetic.[/i] 

Tears gathered in her eyes, but it was fine; the desert heat would take care of them.