Sometimes, Brendon missed Ryan so much that it lead to him not even wanting to contact his husband over the phone or otherwise- because then he’d hear his voice and imagine him smiling when he told him something funny and he’d feel his heart swell when he laughed and it’d kill him because he wanted the life of his life with him, all the time. He’d go crazy without being able to FaceTime and all of that shit, sure, but it was- sometimes a curse, rather than a blessing, because he was so close, right there on the screen, but it was so far away when he could be comfortably curled up in Ryan’s arms and it would be warm and safe and he’d be away from the constant buzz and anxiety of tour. Just because he was used to the chaos and hectic nature of being on the road, it didn’t mean he stopped getting overwhelmingly anxious about the whole thing, every time. He was just getting better at hiding it, smiling theoufhthe nervousness and keeping himself above water. When the band had initially split and Brendon went on his first tour without his husband, his confidence and resilience took a crippling nosedive and he almost called off the whole tour for his mental health’s sake, but. He couldn’t do that to the fans. He got over it and pushed through- with a lot of help from Ryan, who flew out to see him just for a few days to make sure Brendon was actually okay. He was married to the most wonderful man in the world and it was torture to have to be away from him for so long, but. Brendon supposed he brought this upon them both- he had been the one to initially bring up the split, and though it may have been better for the band commercially, in a business sense, it out a noticeable strain on their relationship because Brendon’s schedule was so busy and he was away so fucking much. But they were head over heels for eachother and always would be, so they got through it, as expected. They made distance work and savoured the moments they got to spend alone together. Brendon knew that there would be a lull in his schedule soon, but for the time being, he barely got a chance to breathe between tours and collaborations and musicals and writing albums and doing interviews. It really took it out of him; so, when he finally had a few days free to spend at home, his body screamed at him to catch up on sleep- but his heart told him to just hold on tight to Ryan and never let go. They had clung to eachother, at first, intertwined and relaxed on the couch in their living room. After hours just enjoying the perfect mundaneness of this, Brendon finally loaded into unconsciousness and Ryan, ever thoughtful, carried him to bed, got into bed himself and pulled a sleeping Brendon into his arms. Ideally, Brendon would have woken up to this, started off his morning with lazy, loving kisses from his husband, relaxed for once in his life, but. Ryan was nowhere to be seen in the bedroom, he was in the living room, and- he wasn’t alone. Z, he loved her, but- seriously? The first alone time they got in god knows how long and Ryan decided this was more important? In his grouchy, sleepy state he couldn’t quite comprehend that maybe Ryan just cared about his health so he stomped off to the kitchen, trying to be a big deal and have Ryan take him seriously- though this was unlikely to happen when he was dressed in clothes way too big for him. Ryan always found this hopelessly endearing. It had been the intention to make Ryan smile but now he was just annoyed and upset and wanted to be alone. But here Ryan was, making him coffee, trying to kiss up to him to make up for wasting potential quality time with his husband. He wasn’t being unreasonable, he wasn’t. [i]Brendon...[/i] Brendon swallowed and spotted the coffee from his peripheral- begrudgingly, he reached out and curled his fingers around the handle, lifting it up to his lips and sipping a little before clearing his throat and setting it back down carefully on the countertop. [b]”What- [i]Hey,”[/i][/b] He mumbled, weakly resisting when Ryan wrapped his arms around his waist from behind and pressed against his back, resting his head in his shoulder. [b]”Get off,”[/b] He argued again, but his voice wavered and it seemed he’d already lost the will to fight back that much. He missed Ryan more than he was annoyed at him, but. That didn’t cancel out how annoyed he was. [i]miss you more than anything, and I love you more than life.[/i] Blinking, Brendon literally felt his facial features soften and his muscles relax. In the end, he was a simple man who just needed a little attention to thrive; like a plant, maybe. A very demanding plant, for which the sun was, ironically, Ryan. I love you too, he thought, too stubborn to say it out loud just yet. Anyway, Ryan already knew that Brendon loved him. All these years had gone by and they no longer needed regular reminding- it was just sweet and romantic. [i]Too much to let you deprive yourself of sleep any more than you already do.[/i] If the focused look in Brendon’s eyes was anything to go by, the mug of coffee in front of him was now the most fascinating object in the whole damn world. He was annoyed because, well, Ryan was right. Fuck that guy. Looking out for my health and happiness. Brendon was still stubbornly pouting when Ryan turned his head towards him and pressed a hand against his forehead. [b]”I’m not [i]ill.”[/i][/b] [i]See, you feel better already. Tell me you didn't need a full night's sleep for once.[/i] A pause, and Brendon bit his lip, gaze still trained on the mug. [b]”I needed you more,”[/b] He said softly, shifting his weight to one leg as Ryan moved to stand beside him, bodies turned towards eachother. [i]Forgive me and kiss me? It feels like it’s been years.[/i] Reluctantly, Brendon turned towards him, his eyes wide and deep brown, all puppy-dog, looking up from under his eyelashes. [b]”I just- y’could’ve planned that with Z, like, any other day. We don’t get nearly enough time together, and you spend it-“[/b] He gestured aimlessly, indicative, then dropped his arms to his sides, chewing on his lip again. [b]”I just miss you.”[/b]