[center][h3]What’s Forgiveness?[/h3][/center]

Alik’r Tent Village, Hammerfell
Day of Midyear
4e208

Talk to me, Brother…

[hr]

Merriment.

Sevari scoffed, raising his bottle to the darkening sky in a spiteful and mocking toast. He brought it back to the sand at his side, sighing before taking a long pull from it. “You don’t hate me do you, Stranger?”

He patted his horse’s flank and it made a small huff as he lay against it. He hadn’t spoken a word to anybody on their long trek here, keeping to the rear. Outriders were his excuse, but the fact of it was the rear was the opposite of where his brother was and bringing up the rear was a sure way to make sure nobody spoke a word to him. Sure as sure, still nobody spoke a word to him now in his silent vigil of the dunes at dusk, all on his lonesome at the edge of camp, shirtless and nursing a bottle. He looked at the ink in his skin, reminders of a lifetime lived with only killing or dying and a dirk’s edge between the two options. He took another drag of his cigar and poured out some of his whiskey to old friends lost, to men killed. To his brothers.

“I don't hate you, but the Stranger seems acute.” A smooth voice said behind Sevari. “Unless you were speaking of the horse, then you always did have a predisposition to giving things flowery names and titles.”

Zaveed approached, holding an apple, which he held out for Stranger to pull into his mouth with oversized and dexterous lips. “Still giving me the silent treatment, or were you considering actually living up to that promise of trying to make up for years of estrangement?” the Cathay asked, stroking the horse's long snout with the back of his fingers.

Sevari flinched at that, his shoulders hunched and his fingers had crept close to his messer before he returned the hand to his lap. He sighed, long and hard, puffed on his cigar, “I’ll be sure to note that, Captain Greywake of the Merrunz Wrath.” He smiled, but something was weighing the corners of his lips down.

“I’ve lost more in the past godsdamned week than the last 20 years.” He hung his head, “Marassa hates me to her marrow and I killed my own brother and the people I called my partners because of the mess the Dwemer brought on us.”

He took a long pull from his whiskey, “And after every good thing I’ve tried to do, it feels like the world is conspiring against me and showing me that I’m only fucking up [i]more.[/i] And among it all, I almost lost [i]you.[/i]” he let go a shuddering breath, “I am sick and fucking tired of losing. So when I saw that necromantic fuck taint Sirine’s efforts to save her brother, with his magicks… What the fuck does Raelynn see in him?”

“I’m sorry for everything I’ve ruined.” He finished,  shaking his head lamely as his eyes closed and he took another swig. “Or seem hell-bent on it.”

“She doesn’t hate you, Sevari; she wouldn’t have given you a key if she did. Give her time; she’s always been a mountain of a woman. She’ll never move, so you have to go around her, and taking her head-on without being prepared for it’s going to leave you worse off and her unchanged.” Zaveed said, glancing sidelong at his brother. “She’s still the young girl you knew in Senchal, just in fancier armour and somewhere that she feels she belongs. She’d never admit it, but the bond you had is something she still cherishes, Sevari. You didn’t do anything to her that can’t be mended.” he said, his hand stopping its gradual motion down the horse’s snout.

He turned to face Sevari, his expression resigned. “Look, we’ve been over that I’ve forgiven you for losing my ship and my crew, but you need to understand that they were my [i]family[/i], Sevari. I don’t blame you for their fates, just the capricious whims of the damned divines. It doesn’t mean I don’t wake up some mornings and expect to hear a familiar voice in the air, a song that only we knew, bickering over some debt or another, or the smells of a cook who really wasn’t paid enough for the miracles he provided.” Zaveed said with a faint smile, tears in his eyes. 

“I still feel like I’m cursed, that I shouldn’t be the one to have lived when none of them were anywhere as rotten and cruel as I, and the fact I was spared when they were not is a damn joke that I’m not hearing the punch-line.” his hand covered his muzzle, his hand resting on his axe, his body tense. He looked up after a moment. “Point is… I understand loss. I understood what you felt when you put the blade to your own flesh and blood, and those men and women you served with gave you no choice… they were your crew. 

“This is what I tried to warn you about; your masters don’t give a fuck about you or what you want. They forced you to take your own brother’s life because your love for my sister stayed your hand to do the job they groomed you for.” Zaveed said, with a heavy sigh, staring at the cloudless sky above. Somewhere, the crowd gasped appreciably at some daring feat of a juggerler or a fire blower, the sound of an instrument Zaveed had no name for droned on in a soothing melody. 

His head sunk slow, a pregnant silence filled the air between them, a chasm that suddenly became apparent. “It’s all of that why I can’t fathom why you cannot understand why I’ve chosen to forgive Gregor, despite the pain he’s caused me, despite nearly taking my [i]fucking soul.[/i]” Zaveed snarled, his lips curling back over his teeth as he glared at Sevari, the tears flowing freely now. “Do you not think that what he did to me doesn’t haunt me, that I didn’t deep down wish for you to pull that fucking trigger, or better yet, for me to do it myself? Do you know what it feels like, how helpless and violating it is to feel something that you cannot explain but is very much everything that you are being violently and cruelly bit into and torn at like a wolf rendering your flesh to consume it?

“I [i]hate[/i] him, Sevari, but there’s bigger things in my life than worrying about what one deranged monster did to me. I made a promise to Sirine; do you not think that my only concern in that moment was getting Bakih out of there safely, that an outbreak of violence would have gotten someone who actually matters killed?” He shouted, closing the physical distance between them, a few short steps. 

Suddenly, Zaveed threw his arms around Sevari, holding him tight. “You have no idea what Gregor is capable of, brother. I lost you once already, I couldn’t fucking risk losing you again. I couldn’t forgive myself if something happened to Sirine or her brother because my feud with Gregor mattered more than her. I thought you would understand that her finding her own brother that was taken from her would have struck a chord, Sevari. I can’t bear the thought of how Raelynn would look at me if I tried to kill Gregor once more, not after she gave up everything to spare my life even though she hated me to her core; she made the choice to not betray her principles.” he held Sevari at arm’s length. “And I will not betray mine.”

Sevari nodded along, not meeting eyes with his brother. The wind kicked up dust some ways away on the dunes, Sevari just stared out at it with no thought in his mind. This was the most at peace he’d been in so long. “I know in my very soul it’ll be a long, long while before I can look at Gregor and not just see a corpse waiting to be told so.” He took a drag of his cigar, “His very presence makes me want to do things to him. But if it’s what you need, what [i]we[/i] need, I’ll stay my hand.”

He noticed the weight of his body and his eyelids. He was drunk. It seemed he’d spent a significant part of his life perpetually clutching a bottle. He offered it to Zaveed, a gesture of goodwill, and spoke again, “I just can’t come to terms with how much everything’s changed. I thought I knew, but I didn’t truly see it until Marassa and I had our blades pointed to each other.” He swallowed, “More than ready to kill. I told Sirine, how those long years ago, Marassa and I always had it that you were the best of us. The most charming, the friendliest. Gods, what the hell happened?”

He laughed, perhaps not humorously, but it was one. “I’m a wanted man with more blood on my hands than any other outlaw this side of Lake Meade. You, well,” he snorted, “You’re you.”

“A daring, charming, and handsome glorified pirate?” Zaveed offered with a forced grin and a wink. He took the bottle from Sevari and set it down on the ground; he had the intention of keeping a clear mind tonight. His pulse was still racing.

“It's been a long time for all of us. We were there for one another when we needed it most, but we were children thrown into a cruel world without any experience in life other than trying to survive to see the next sunrise. You were taken from us when we were still children, and how can those few precious years compare to three decades of life pulling the three of us apart?” Zaveed replied, his emotions having calmed considerably. He just felt drained and resigned now. 

“How could things not have changed? The roots of who we are are still there, Sevari, it's just the tree has grown tall and many branches have sprouted off. Maybe in another life I could have realized the promise the cub I was held, but no sense mourning what's already passed, yes? Same goes for you. Do not look back, Sevari. We are not going that way.”

Sevari looked at his brother, sighing. The two had been through so much in the past month and Sevari never stopped to think about the consequences of his actions taking a toll on the man next to him, even if his actions were supposed to be for him. Sevari placed a hand on Zaveed’s shoulder, “I’m sorry, brother.” He said, somber, “I have been a selfish man. I let hate and sorrow take me. I don’t want it to come to a head with me and you like it did with me and Suffian in Al-Aqqiya.”

“I never stopped to ask myself if everything I’d done was still for my mother and my brothers. In the end…” He swallowed, his lips sealing themselves like accepting the truth was drinking a poison, “In the end, I think it wasn’t for anyone but me. The dead can forgive, vengeance is just for yourself.”

“I never stopped to ponder that until I was holding my gun to your would-be murderer’s face and you of all people telling me to put it down.” He frowned, “All I want is to be a good brother again, Zaveed. Just tell me how.”

Zaveed put a hand on Sevari's shoulders, looking his brother in the eye; they looked so different than his own, they shared no blood. In his eyes, however, they had a closer bond than most. “It will never come to that, I will never raise a weapon to you. On that I promise.” he swore solemnly. “The reason my promises to Raelynn and Sirine mean so much to me is because they mean I can change, that I'm not a slave to the past. I can be better, Sevari. No, I [i]will[/i] be better. Neither had any cause to show me mercy or compassion and yet they did. They showed me a better way, and if I can try to change, you can, too.” he said earnestly.

“Maybe you should start by trying to make amends with those you befriended, against your better judgement. You also helped Sirine rescue Bakih, and that Fjolte fellow from the cells.” Zaveed pointed out with a warm smile. He tapped a claw over Sevari's heart. “Maybe that's the key to starting new and for us to pave our road together. We stop serving only ourselves and our base instincts and instead try to do right by others. I'm not going back to the Dominion, and you sure as shit shouldn't go back to the Empire. I'm tired of being someone else's pawn. What do you say?”

“We’re all but dead, the Penitus Oculatus. The Dwemer scattered us and the Thalmor…” Sevari frowned deep and his fist clenched, “If they haven’t won, they’re godsdamned close. I’ve seen what they do to dissidents and enemies. I was there in Valenwood, the women, the children. All those stories about Sentinel and the Night of Green Fire besides. I’m sorry, Zaveed, but I was made to kill killers.”

“I’ll stick by you through this Dwemer shit. The things they had me do to prisoners and enemies of the State, the things I’ve seen them do? They deserve whatever Sora and the others have for them.” He said, “If fighting this war is the one good thing I can do for the ones around me and the innocents in the Imperial City, then it’s the war I’ll win or die trying.”

“You worry too much.” Zaveed said with a grin. “Can't do much about yesterday and tomorrow isn't here yet, so why not focus on the here and now?” he looked over at the festival, the very essence of life in such a barren place.

“Look, I'm not going to argue morality between empires; they've both been party to awful shit, and we're no better because we did that work for them. Rationalize it however you like, Sevari; a lot of the people you killed probably didn't hurt a fly, and my hands are just as red. But if it helps, the Dominion isn't ready for another Great War any time soon. Those golden shits don't reproduce quickly and it takes an eternity for them to come of age, so they felt the losses a lot harder than the Empire did. Not that I'm party to their war plans, but I imagine they struck because they thought the Empire weak and dealing with a two front war would tip the scales. I don't suspect they're quite ready if the Empire puts any weight behind its punches.” Zaveed said casually with a faint shrug.

“They were underestimated once before.” Sevari sighed.

He nudged Zaveed with his elbow, taking his hint, “Why don’t we do something better than sit and talk about sad shit. Tired of that.”

That raised a brow at that. “Oh? You seem like you've something on the mind already.” Zaveed pressed curiously.

Sevari shrugged, laying a hand on Stranger’s flank and hearing the horse sigh in response to his touch, “A walk. We’ll let mischief find us instead of looking for it this time, eh?” He smiled, “A change of scenery might do me some good. Maybe I can watch you get put on your ass by an Alik’r in those fancy dances they call a spar.”

That prompted a gruff chuckle. “Oh, you think some baggy pants warrior with a blade that’s only meant for slashing can even hope to match the infamous Captain Greywake in a duel?” Zaveed replied with mock indignation, opening a pouch and pulling a few coins free. He sorted them on his palm with a thumb counting quietly to himself. “One… three… seven… ten Septims says you’re full of shit.” 

Sevari gave a low chuckle as he got to his feet, grunting with the effort and bouncing on his toes as he came to his full height, “I do very much look forward to meeting the man who humbles the great and terrible scourge of the south seas.” He grasped up and sheathed his thick-bladed messer and holstered his pistol with a twirl on his trigger finger, “Godsdamn, I’m getting good at that. Alright, let’s get to it.”

Zaveed offered a mock applause at the flourishing of weapons. “And you didn’t even shoot a bystander in the process. Well done.” he said with a grin, before looking to the sand for a moment, rubbing the toe of his boot into it. “Actually, if you don’t mind, I’d like a few moments to myself to gather my thoughts before the night gets away from us. I’d like to speak to Sirine for a moment, now that our business is concluded.” he sighed before shaking his head with a sly smile. “Should give you more than enough time to find someone worthy of my legendary prowess, yes? I promise I won’t keep you waiting.”

“Oh, it’ll be just be a matter of finding the right sickly child and putting a stick in his hand.” Sevari smirked before waving his brother on, “Go with peace and all that, tell Sirine I said hello.”

Zaveed begun to walk away, waving a dismissive hand. “Say hello yourself, you antisocial cock. You think I’m going to sit a celebration like this out? I’m a fucking pirate, brother; my entire career pivots off one night to remember to the next. Let’s see if you remember how to have fun by the end of it.”

“With any luck, I won’t remember how I had fun tonight.” He said to his brother’s back, taking his hat off his head and bowing with all the mocking and sarcastic gravitas only brothers know how to treat each other with.