[center][h3]Damaged Does Not Mean Broken[/h3]
[i]by Dervish and Greenie[/i]
[/center][hr]
[i]17th of Midyear, Sunset, location location location[/i]

Bottle of rum in one hand and a water skin in the other, Sirine made her way through the throng of still celebrating people, smiling a little as she watched families and friends chatting with each other as they watched the entertainment. She paused momentarily to watch two men engaged in a dance of sorts with their scimitars, weaving to and fro so seamlessly that she was sure it was a practiced routine. Still, it was pleasant to watch, even if it was merely a show. Once it came to its completion, the former pirate turned away and started off yet again. The festive environment made it easy to almost forget what had transpired earlier in the day… almost. The stiff feeling in her thigh where she’d bandaged herself was a constant reminder of how lucky they all were to have survived. Bakih was alive and well, though it was clear he would need a lot of rest of both body and mind before he returned to his former self. She had made sure he had found his way to one of the healers before she tried and failed to distract herself by seeing what wares the many merchants may be selling. It pained her to think of what her little brother had to witness and how it may have scarred him for the rest of his life. 

Once again she had found herself feeling the sense of guilt that had first struck her in the prison.

She finally found the Cathay Khajiit by himself, somewhat isolated from the rest of the people. Sirine wasn’t particularly surprised by this, and she wondered for a moment if perhaps this was a bad moment… but she easily pushed that thought to the side. Quietly, she set the bottle of rum next to him before sitting down cross-legged, flinching a little as she felt the mostly healed wound tense. Her eyes were quick to glance at his hand before looking away. Her own fiddled with her medallion as she thought of what to say.

“I wanted to apologize,” Sirine finally started. “Because of you, I’m no longer a whore. Because of you, my brother is alive and free. You didn’t have to help me, yet you promised and delivered, and I…” She hesitated before shaking her head, looking to the ground. “I’m not proud of myself. I was selfish, I didn’t think of how you may have felt with…” Her lips turned downward as she thought of Gregor and the Wrathman, of all those black soul gems. She hadn’t wanted Zaveed to end up dead due to his rage… but would she have done any different? She [i]hadn’t[/i]. When she had been given the chance, she had taken her vengeance, and had continued to do so until fate had forced her pirating days to an end. Was it fair for her to feel anger when it was someone else expressing their discontent?

“We’ve only known each other for a week, but you have done more for me than most of my own blood have, and for that I’m forever grateful to you. I consider you a trustworthy friend. ” Sirine looked the Khajiit’s way at last, her expression heartfelt and sincere. “I’d be fraught with regret if that were to change.”

Zaveed continued to watch the sun dip down into the horizon, the twilight of the evening illuminating his face for a few more blissful moments before the cool of the night settled in. He offered the slightest of smiles before he spoke, “In the heat of the moment, when one’s blood boils with all manner of emotions that make you quite aware of how alive you are, the one thing that always seems to go first is reason. You don’t think, you just act. You feel the blood pumping in your ears, you lose sense of everything around you except for the very thing that’s threatening your life, you feel your wounds but you do not register the pain… there’s no time for reflection. Neither of us handled that particular situation with grace, but I’m content that it worked out in the end.” he said, turning to Sirine, his lips still upturned, but his eyes looked heavy and sorrowful.

“You have nothing to apologize for. You understand why I didn’t act with particular grace in the moment, and now the tempest of the moment has calmed, we have had time to reflect. Bakih’s safe, and you are both free.” he said softly, looking at the bandage on his hand, the white turned a rusty red; Redguards weren’t prone to promoting mages, let alone with a focus on restoration, it seemed. “It felt good to do something to help someone for a change. Ever since I met you, I’ve had something to focus on that wasn’t despairing over my crew or trying to feel something by throwing myself into cruel work. I was lost in a maelstrom of darkness, and you were a light that helped me find my way into harbour. It is I who should be thanking you, my dear.”

Sirine felt a little sense of relief slowly settle over her with Zaveed's words. A small part of her had been worried, though now that it was dispersed, she did feel a little silly for having such a fear. However, the relief it was tinged with something else. Looking at him as he was at this moment, sans his earlier rage or his charming flirtations, he seemed almost vulnerable, the look in his eyes causing her heart to twist painfully. There was an invisible burden on his shoulders, a darkness hovering over him; she wished there was some way to disperse it but she didn't quite know how. 

Nevertheless, the former pirate smiled in his direction before she looked out at the sunset herself, sighing softly as she gazed at the red in the horizon. "It's like a circle, isn't it?" she said after a moment. "Round and round we go; I thank you and you thank me, and in the end, we'll both still feel what the other has done for them is more profound." She reached out and took hold of the bottle she had brought. It wasn't long before it was uncorked; Sirine took a small sip before setting it back on the ground between the two. "I can't repay you for what you've done for me..." She paused, gathering her thoughts before continuing. "I was ready to follow you not just because you promised return to the sea, but because I felt I owed you a debt for all you've done.

"But..." She shook her head, glancing at Zaveed once more. "It's not that anymore. It's... a little difficult to explain." She had always felt as if she was a leader or a follower, someone who looked up to others or looked down at them. It felt different here- she felt like she was talking to someone her equal, someone who could understand and relate to the things she did. 

“Now that our debt has been squared away, you helped me find my sister, I your brother. You helped a battered and half dead man find his footing, and I helped you find your way out of a whorehouse and rediscover who Sirine is. What comes next, I wonder?” Zaveed asked, picking up the bottle with his good hand, studying the label with an appreciative [i]hmph[/i] and tipping the bottle to his lips, feeling the familiar and comforting burn, like a cleansing fire. “I imagine you will want to see Bakih to safety, not to lose him again.”

There was a tightness to Sirine's jaw as she recalled the conversation she'd had with her brother as they had made their journey to the village they now found themselves in. Her eyes stung; she looked away from the Khajiit and back to the horizon once more. "The whole reason he ended up there was because of me," she finally broke out. Now that he was safe and sound, she somehow felt worse about it. Why hadn’t she sent him away all those years ago? "He would have never been on that ship... he wouldn't have been taken prisoner if he were still with my other brothers. I- I told him we're to part ways. Following after his big sister has brought him nothing but misery, even if he hides it well. It may have seemed to others as if he relied on me, but no, it was the other way around. And I can’t have that anymore."

Her eyes narrowed momentarily as she stretched out her legs, relieving the tension in them. Comfortable once more, she reached for her water skin, pulled out the stopper and took a gulp of water, cleansing her palate. "What comes next? I'm not sure." She looked back to Zaveed now that her emotions were somewhat composed. "Except that Bakih will not be following me any longer. And, well, for the time being at least, you are going to have to bear with my company, whatever you decide."

Zaveed put a hand on Sirine's shoulder. “Your guilt is misplaced, Sirine. You speak as if Bakih would have picked another path if he'd known the risks, or that he didn't do it for himself. From what you told me, your brothers are real cunts. Maybe he was just as eager to get away from them as you were?” the Khajiit pondered with a smile. “I had rather hoped you'd wish to stay by my side for a while longer, I quite enjoy this most rare of company. I do think you need to speak to Bakih and ask him what [i]he[/i] wishes. He knew he was going to be living a dangerous life as a pirate, and he's a grown man. Let him decide what's best for himself, and support him as he has you for all these years.”

"You're probably right." No longer chewing the inside of her cheek, she let out a huff, not quite one of discontent, rather uncertainty. "No, you [i]are[/i] right. Bakih always wanted to be where I was, but the path I chose and desired wasn't the one he would have wanted. He learned to use a bow because he didn't like being so near... so into the fray. He was always much softer than me and my brothers. It was an adventure at first, but I could see he was tiring of it..." She looked down at her lap. "My last trip, I had decided when we reached Gilane that I'd ask him to stay back. I told my quartermaster about it before we headed out for my last conquest. When we returned-" She bit the inside of her lip before continuing. "Well, you know what happened already."

This time it was a somber sigh that left her; she couldn't help but wonder if things would have been different if she had simply stayed in Anvil. "I just don't want to see him hurt again. He's always been on my side, even when the tides were against us. I've... just lost too many. Something happening to him again would kill me." She couldn’t help but laugh under hear breath, though it was without humour. “It almost sounds selfish, doesn’t it? I don’t want him in danger, for myself.” She paused for a second, a little hesitant, and then continued. “It was why I snapped at you there, with the clannfear. I didn’t want you dead either, for my own selfish reasons.”

“Let him be the master of his own fate, but let him know how you feel.” Zaveed said in a reassuring manner, drinking from the rum bottle once more. He smiled behind the lip of it. “Oh, feeling possessive of me, are we? I’m flattered.”

Sirine puffed out her cheeks in an almost childlike manner before letting out the air, giving Zaveed an amused yet mildly exasperated look. "Perhaps I am," she replied, crossing her arms over her chest, fingers lightly tapping her arms. "It tends to happen, [i]my dear[/i], when you have a rather short supply of friends you can trust." 

She relaxed her stance in the next moment however, her arms loosening and falling to her lap. A small laugh escaped her lips as she leaned back on one arm, hand pressing against the ground behind her. "I jest, yet, I don't. It might seem silly but being in your presence is comforting in a way... nostalgic even." Her free hand took hold of the water skin again and she took a gulp, enjoying the clear, sweet taste. After a moment she set it down in her lap, though still holding on to it. Straightening up, she brought her free hand to her eyes, wiping an unintended wetness. "I miss it," she finally muttered. "And I miss them. The sea, my crew, my quartermaster Dar'Narej. Bakih was on my mind for so long that I pushed the thought of them away, yet now..." Her lips tightened before she slowly breathed out, composing herself. "My apologies. Now's... probably not the time to speak of such things."

Zaveed reached over, gently wiping away Sirine’s tears. “No, it’s fine. You’ve been holding this in for who-knows how long.” he said, offering the rum back. “I don’t imagine you’ve been able to speak to anyone about this for some time. I spoke with Sevari earlier about this, my own loss. Our stories are not so different, and our pain identical. You’ve lost your family, the one you chose. As have I, but…” 

The Cathay smiled, pulling Sirine into an embrace. “You don’t have to shoulder your burdens alone. Let’s take time to heal, together. We’re both rather damaged goods, yes?” he chuckled, enjoying the feeling of physical contact. He never realized how much he needed it until recently.

For a moment Sirine remained stiff, surprised by the gesture. When was the last time someone had embraced her? In the tavern perhaps, by a rancid, drunk man? But it was nothing like this. She didn't feel the disgust she would feel for the patrons, nor the hatred she would feel for herself. It was an odd feeling, one of vulnerability, something she hadn't allowed herself to feel since the day she had been raped. 

Slumping, her forehead pressed against the khajiit, feeling the lump in her throat expanding to such an extent that it was physically painful. Shoulders shaking, she silently allowed herself to shed tears for her crew-mates, her friends, her past. Hot droplets rolled down her cheeks and dripped off her chin, splashing onto her tunic and probably on Zaveed as well, but for now she was glad to ignore it. She [i]needed[/i] this.

"Yes," Sirine finally replied, her voice hoarse and barely making it past the ache in her throat. She remained in the embrace, unwilling to relinquish the rare comfort she felt. "Damaged goods... they can be made whole again, no?" She certainly hoped so. Breathing shakily, the former pirate finally looked up at the khajiit, her face stained with tears. Dark and wet eyes sought his, yearning for an answer.

He held her tightly, resting his chin atop her head, his fingers running through her hair. “Perhaps, but damaged does not mean broken. Nothing is meant to stay unworn, Sirine. Fabrics fade in the sun, a blade gets chipped and scratched. But with care and effort, something can last forever, for as long as you want it. You, my Beautiful Sirine, are very much wanted.” Zaveed said softly. “Thank you, for believing in me, for helping me realize I am so much more than my past. For the first time since I lost everything, I found someone who saw me as something more than an instrument of violence. I think I can look in the mirror now and be reminded of the boy I left behind, that there’s still hope of seeing what I could have been if I didn’t allow myself to be pulled with the current.” He sighed contentedly, tears welling in his own eyes. This was something he never expected, nor deserved, but at that moment, he felt like the luckiest man in the world. 

He felt hope.

"Damaged but not broken." Sirine tested the words aloud and found that it was the answer she needed, a plain and simple truth that that could lead her forward rather than dwelling forever in her dour past. A sniffle escaped her, but it did nothing to subdue the smile that came to her lips as she felt the cool touch of her medallion against her skin. Perhaps it was more than just a token of luck and focus, because she no longer had any desire to remove it, nor did she feel any disdain for herself for having it on her person.

Waiting no longer,  Sirine returned the hug with equal fervour,  finding peace and contentment in the unblemished closeness. "Well then... let's make sure we last forever, shall we?"

“Of course. Who am I to deprive the world of my handsome face?” he grinned, standing up suddenly. “What do you say we go celebrate, hm? There’s a bunch of happy people down there waiting to be impressed. We did some pretty incredible things already, Sirine. Let’s just be happy for a change. The darkest days are behind us.” he said, offering a hand to the Imperial-Redguard. 

Nodding, Sirine wiped her face with the back of her hand before taking hold of the offered hand and pulling herself up to a stand. "Yes, let's." She smirked as she tucked the water skin in her belt and grabbed the bottle of rum. "This is yours, keep it." She pressed it into his free hand. "A gift of sorts." 

Letting out a satisfied sigh, she motioned with her head. "Well, before Bakih starts grumbling about yet another khajiit..." She stifled a laugh.  

“I’d like to assume I’ve given Sevari enough time to find me a dueling partner.” Zaveed said with a laugh, placing a hand on the small of Sirine’s back. “I’ve got ten Septims on the line saying he can’t find someone who can best me.” With a shake of the rum bottle and a heavy chug and an enthusiastic sigh, the Khajiit grinned to his companion. “Liquid courage, isn’t it? I’d look mighty foolish if I lost in front of you.”

Sirine couldn't help but return the grin with one of her own, accompanied by a wink. "Well then Zaveed, all you have to do is make sure you don't lose, hm?"

“Even if I do, at least I go down knowing he never had as fine of a companion as I do tonight.” He held out his arm. “Shall we?”

She took the offered arm easily. "Lead the way, Captain Greywake."