The world was pins as it stretched past Hermes. Her sandals fluttered, but any sounds were long behind her as she continued her journey, Poppler in hair and spear on her back. Her eyelids were slightly pink, having just woken up not long ago, a big smile conquering her face as it usually did after a meeting with her God. Suddenly her eyes flickered downward and at an impossibly quick angle, her direction changed. Ashalla’s blue stretched around her vision, but a unique and new color centered in her vision: gold. In mere seconds the figure of a golden boat emerged, and a second more, she was standing on top of it. Her sandals padded softly as she walked across the deck of what was a marvelously massive boat fitted with thousands of decorations and engravings. There was also the strong smell of herbal teas and extracts to greet her, and despite not knowing exactly what those were, she thought it smelt a lot like one of the Tendlepog meadows after a warm rain. The boat seemed abandoned at the moment, with the only indicator of life being some distant ruckus under deck. There was evidence of recent activity on deck, with a few footprints and some strange peels littering the immediate area around a small table, which itself had some crumbs and leftovers on it. However, shortly after Hermes’ arrival, the ruckus below was complemented, or perhaps contrasted, by a sweet, gentle tune coming from the spires above - specifically the very top of the middle spire. [i]Kalmar isn’t gonna be too happy about this,[/i] Hermes thought to herself as she stared at the left overs and rinds. With one quick motion she swiped up a handful and shoved it into her mouth; she was nothing if not a helper. While munching on her compostable snack she decided to see what the pretty noise was all about and launched herself to the top of the middle spire in single wink. As Hermes landed on the ornate, gilded veranda of the top floor, the music stopped. There was a pause, followed by a strange, elongated shuffling noise, as if the planks on the floor inside were being sanded with exquisitely fine sandpaper. Then, slowly, the white-papered, rosewood-reinforced slider doors slid apart in a gentle motion. The agitator of the doors set a pair of silver serpentine eyes upon the mortal and flicked its forked tongue. There was a soft, pensive hum in a voice that could grease chariot axles. “My… Another visitor?” said the snake with an ever-widening grin. Hermes studied the snake man, swallowing her gritty snack and flashing a cheshire smile to match her new acquaintances’ when suddenly she remembered Narzhak's sage words. Her grin turned sour and she hefted her club over her shoulder. “Friend or foe?” She asked sternly, her voice nonetheless betraying her gregarious nature. “Rather direct, aren't we,” the snake said, surprised. “Who are you?” He eyed the club. He sniffed the air around Hermes and lashed around with his tongue. “... [i]mortal[/i]...“ He let out a ponderous hum as he let his eyes scan every detail of the woman. “Are you a gift, by chance?” “I'm Hermes,” The dreamer answered, confused. Poppler zipped out of her hair and spun around her head, “and this is Poppler.” [I]”Zzt!”[/i] The snake craned his head and folded his hands softly. He leant closer. “My, my… The first mortal guest in my home. This warrants a toast!” The snake slithered into his room. Meanwhile, a young girl turned the corner of the wall and gave Hermes a smile. She silently stepped a little closer and carefully reached out to pat Poppler. “What an adorable little thing…” she said. Poppler whizzed around the woman while Hermes watched on perplexed, her eyes flickering between where the snake man was and where the new girl is. She wasn’t used to this, two people at once, and while she normally would be quite excited about it, there was a new pit of anxiety in her stomach. Her brow furrowed, pinching the spiral on her forehead. “Who are you?” She suddenly asked the newcomer. The girl stopped fruitlessly chasing the little clump of clouds and regained her formal composure. She bowed before Hermes, albeit not too deeply, and smiled as she rose up. “Forgive me. I should have introduced myself first, perhaps. I am Xiaoli, First Counsellor to Shengshi. You were… Hermes, correct? What are you doing here?” Xiaoli asked sweetly. “Experiencing,” Hermes said slowly and admittedly cryptically, “What are you doing here?” The girl nodded, humming affirmatively. “I serve my lord as he wishes. So you are a traveler, then.” She grinned from ear to ear, making sure to hide the grin behind her sleeve before too many of her colourful teeth showed. “Can you tell me about the places you’ve been?” she asked almost desperately, completely ignoring Hermes’ second question. “I don’t know,” Hermes brow furrowed, “are we friends?” The girl looked to the side, then up and down Hermes’ admittedly much taller and developed form, and then shyly down at her own feet, which she shuffled nervously. After a quick moment, she glanced back up at Hermes. “... I… I do hope we are,” she said warily, blinking once or twice. Hermes stared at the girl with increasing intensity, her knuckles straining as her fists tightened around her club, and then all at once her shoulders relaxed and she let out a happy sigh through a wide smile, “oh good, because Narzhak was telling me that there are friends and foes and nothing else and to be honest I want to make more friends than I do foes, I mean I’ve only smashed one thing and while I liked it, I feel really bad because I don’t know what the worm did to deserve a smashing but it got it, and I didn’t even eat it because Narzhak said it was okay, but don’t tell Kalmar because I made a promise, but to be truthful the promise was just about fish and not about worms, but still I don’t want to upset him, I like him a lot, he is my friend too...” Her words were endless as all the happy things that she had wanted to say exited her mouth without ending, her mind racing with new things to share, “... and also I caught four new fish and ate each on of them, but not the scales because they cut my mouth…” And more, “... she touched my cheek and I really liked her food…” And more, “... then I ate the stuff I found on the table down there but it tasted like soil…” And some more, “... he is my God and he really cares, it makes me feel warm in my chest…” And a little more, “... I don’t know how I feel about his mustache but so far I really like this house.” As she told her story, Xiaoli appeared to pay attention to every single detail, her face shaping all manners of emotions from anger at Narzhak’s warlike tendencies, to fear at the mentioning of Kalmar’s name. Luckily, no thunderous ruckuses came from inspire the chambres, so the snake likely had not heard. “I would really like to meet Her Holiness Li’Kalla one day… She sounds so sweet,” she mused. “Wait, you ate the peels? You are not supposed to eat those!” Xiaoli raised a finger and shook it at the taller lady. “If you want food in a house, you ask the owners. It’s better than eating what is left over, okay?” Poppler settled on Xiaoli’s nose with nothing but a soft popping sound as Hermes soaked up her words, “I didn’t want to eat anything, I was just helping.” Xiaoli sighed. “That is really kind of you, but we would not want a guest to get herself a tummy ache just helping us clean up!” She tried to maintain the strict motherly demeanour, but it soon gave away to a giggle that became an uncontrolled laugh, likely due to the cloudling tickling her face in addition to the absurdity of the situation. “I cannot believe you actually ate mango peels!” “It tasted fuzzy,” Hermes added, “but more importantly, I made a promise -- but.” She looked at Poppler and smiled softly, “if you’re saying I don’t need to do that anymore, I’m okay with that.” The girl patted the fuzzy thing on her nose and crossed her eyes in an attempt to look at it. As it strained her eyes, she winced and gave them a soft rub. “Yes,” she added, “there is no need to eat fruit peels anymore.” As the girl finished her sentence, there was a rumbling call from below. “Xiaoli! Where did…” It was muffled by another ruckus. “...the wine?” “In the cellar as always, my lord!” Xiaoli called back over the railing. She gave Hermes a sheepish smile. “Pardon me for a moment. My lord requires my presence. Feel free to explore the ship as you’d like or to wait on deck.” With that, the girl tipped her torso at Hermes and gave Poppler a pat before speeding downstairs, the small cloudling trailing her. “Poppler!” [i]”Pop pop!”[/i] The cloudling whizzed back to Hermes and zipped into her knotted hair. Hermes sighed and plopped onto the deck of the ship, “Poppler, I have a problem.” [i]”Zzt?”[/i] “Everyone else seems to know so much more than me. I can’t even tell friend from foe, it’s all very confusing.” [i]”Pop.”[/i] “Well, yeah I know [i]thaaaat[/i]” [b][i]”Pop!”[/i][/b] Hermes smiled, her toothy grin reminiscent of her creators, “I just need to assemble all the new experiences, I think.” Poppler emerged from her hair and rested on the palm of her outstretched hand, “thank you, Poppler.” The small cloudling crackled happily in her palm and she poked it with her nose, little dew drops forming on her skin. The pair sat together in a cheery silence, each thinking about their perspective purposes. Slowly time drained into a small happy buzz, causing the Dreamer to close her eyes, her muscles relaxing. The next thing she knew, she was napping on the sun soaked deck of the ship, her mind dancing with her creator as her body released all the stresses of traveling. A content smile formed on her lips, she could hear his excitement at her words-- Suddenly, the doors of the palace swung open with such intensity that they buffeted everything on deck. “Welcome!” the snake boomed in a voice that could have caused quakes. Hermes’ eyes shot open, her dreams washing away rapidly to the back of her mind. Poppler swirled up in surprise, circling Hermes defensively with small crackling bursts of static. [i]”Zzt zzt!”[/i] Hermes rubbed her eyes as servants zoomed past both the god’s flanks, carrying plates on plates with exquisite dishes and trays on trays with exciting drinks. The servants placed them down in an alternating pattern from left and right on a suddenly manifested longtable between Hermes and the now-clapping water god. “This is a magnificent day - our first mortal guest! Congratulations, little, uh…” He paused for a moment. “I want to say… Burmese?” Hermes sat up, her vision still blurry, “B-burmese” she blabbered, not quite awake, “[b][i]Her[/i][/b]mes.” She pinned her elbows on the table and propped her head up, attempting to grasp at her sudden awakedness, “what--” a small yawn escaped her,“--what’s your name, again?” The snake’s smile quivered a little. “Muh-... My name?” He took a deep breath, paused and cleared his throat. “Why, who else would I be but Shengshi, lord of the thousand streams currently your host!” He leaned forward and gave her a somewhat malignant wink. “Do not make me remind you again, [i]please[/i].” “Oh,” Hermes forced a smile, something about Shengshi unsettled her -- and she was best friends with a titan of iron and violence. Her eyes darted all about looking for something in particular, “where is Xiaoli?” The snake raised an eyebrow and leaned in a little closer. “You [i]are[/i] a curious one,” he said in a deep, oily voice. “You are captivated by a river nymph, yet pay little attention to the actual host… Your bravery is…” He flicked his forked tongue. “[i]Fascinating…[/i]” He recoiled and straightened himself up. He turned his face to the side and called, “Xiaoli!” A moment later, the girl came out of the gates carrying a tray with two small flasks and two small cups. “Did you want me here already, my lord?” “I always want you around, my dear,” the snake teased and gave her a wink, at which she giggled sheepishly. “However, it was not I who summoned you.” He pointed a clawed finger at Hermes. “She did.” “Yes,” Hermes said with a level of uncertainty, her eyes on Xiaoli, “since we are friends, I was wondering if you wanted to sit with me and Poppler. We also need to seal the pact,” She extended her index finger, “it’s a very important part.”, Hermes looked at Shengshi with a certain hesitancy, “and then maybe we can be friends too.” As she spoke, Poppler floated over to the unstoppered flasks and suddenly disappeared inside of one with a small [i]pop![/i] This solicited a genuine smile from Hermes as she sat on her words, finger still extended and eyes focused. Xiaoli looked dumbstruck and stared into the flask in a fit of confusion. She picked it up and gave it a gentle shake, but found that nothing came out. The snake furrowed his brows. “Friends, you propose? How direct…” His lips curved into a smile. “Who taught you how to form bonds of friendship, if I may ask?” “A lot of different people,” Hermes announced, her usual energy returning to her voice, “also myself. I like it a lot, and it was easy to figure out, at least at the start.” A proud smile stretched across her face, she could feel her experiences culminating, not to mention that she is pretty sure that that was the most articulate sentence she had ever created to date, “I’m still learning about foes though, so don’t ask me about that yet.” The snake’s smile grew more genuine and he let out a warm chuckle. “Do not worry, little Hermes - you will not learn about foes here. Tell me, are you hungry?” He gestured to the long table. The scents were indescribable: Spices unforeseen throughout creation coloured the air with thick, fantastical fumes; the selections of meats and fish were almost too perfectly prepared, to the point where their tenderness had transcended the quality of texture and become an aura; the sides, if one could even call them that, produced a near unnatural image of deliciousness that seduced the pallet to the point where the tongue ought to take a cold shower. Before Hermes could even answer, Poppler ascended out of the second flask and zipped on over to the food, submerging itself into a small bowl of hazel-coloured sauce. The Dreamer smiled, “my stomach is a little bubbly from the peels from earlier, but if it would make you my friend, I could eat some more.” She looked over at Xiaoli, “can you help? There is a lot, much more than a worm for sure.” Xiaoli looked over to the snake, who, after a pause, gave her a nod. The girl grinned and brought the tray over to the table in a few giggly skips. She sat down and patted the seat next to her, winking at Hermes. The snake slithered over to the far end of the table, where a glorious golden throne flanked with two ruby-eyed, amber-scaled, ivory-clawed gold dragons manifested. “Please, eat your fill,” he said. Hermes clamored over and sat down next to Xiaoli, dropping her heavy club and spear beside her. She quickly poked Xiaoli’s sandy cheek, keeping her finger in place and waiting for Xiaoli to return the gesture. The girl seemed confused and sheepishly returned the poke, soliciting a cheshire grin from Hermes. “We are friends now,” She let her finger fall to her side and began to reach for some of the food; however, Xiaoli reached out to stop her, shaking her head swiftly at Hermes. “Wait until he has eaten some,” she whispered. “Trust me… My friend.” As Hermes pondered Xiaoli’s words, a suspiciously poofy Poppler left a perfectly clean bowl and quietly plopped into another one, filled to the brim with sugary glaze. Hermes nodded after a short pause. The Dreamer turned to look at Shengshi, her eyes studying the mysterious snake-man and his bounty, “did you kill all these yourself?” The snake, who appeared to be examining a fried shrimp, hummed absent-mindedly. “Nnnno. All of these were created in the kitchen, already prepared. I bet one could not find half of these creatures on Galbar.” He picked up an eight-tentacled creature and gestured to it. “Look, it’s a miniature Anzillu! I bet those do not exist yet,” he snickered. “By the way, go ahead and eat,” he repeated. Xiaoli once again gestured for Hermes to wait. “He is testing you,” she whispered softly. “He has been waiting for a mortal guest for so long - he wants to see what you can and cannot do.” Hermes suddenly chuckled, her vibrating laughter causing a tiny crackle to sound from inside one of the bottles. Her gaze met Shengshi, a playful glint hidden in her black eyes “do you want to know what I can do?” The snake raised an eyebrow and took his eyes off the shrimp, placing them instead on Hermes. His lips parted in a smirk and he put the shrimp in his mouth. “Certainly, Hermes, my dear guest. Do share with us your talents.” Xiaoli, as a way of gesturing to Hermes that they now could eat, put some food on Hermes’ place and poured some funny-smelling yellow water into her cup. Poppler crackled happily as it left a bottle and whizzed over to the drink, dipping itself under the liquid. Hermes smile grew, “I can beat you in a foot race!” The snake’s enthusiasm visibly dimmed. He laughed dryly and rolled his eyes partially. “Clever girl,” he mused. He tapped his claws on the tabletop. “Anything else?” Hermes’ eyes darted for something else, she wasn’t expecting her joke to fall flat, “uh!” She looked down at Poppler, who now sat in an empty cup, “he can drink a lot.” This appeared to arouse the snake’s attention, as the god craned forward and planted both elbows on the tabletop, placing his chin firmly on his intertwined knuckles. “Is that so? Well, I suppose that is a hypothesis that warrants testing.” He snapped his fingers and the servants brought ten barrels, all marked with the same symbol. Meanwhile, Xiaoli had her face in her hands and was muttering quietly to herself. Upon the barrels’ arrival, the snake got up, grabbed two empty bowls from the table and filled them both from the nearest barrel. He held one close to his head and reached out with the other. “Come hither, then, little gasling, and let us see whether a cloud can match a god in tolerance!” [i]”Zzt![/i] Poppler zipped onward, cheered on by Hermes’ clapping. The cloudling quickly submerged itself into the bowl. In a few moments the liquid had all but disappeared, the cloudling no worse for wear, save a little whiter and slightly poofier. The snake smirked slyly. “Not bad…” He swallowed the contents of his own bowl and refilled the two. “... But can you keep this speed up, little one?” He emptied his bowl again. Meanwhile, Xiaoli turned to Hermes with a wry expression etched on her face. “My dear friend Hermes, this is all a fun spectacle, but…” Another drink was had by the two, followed with empty challenges and “zzts”. The girl continued, “But this may not be such a great idea, after all.” “Why?” Hermes looked at Xiaoli,” Poppler really can’t lose.” The girl put on an anxious frown. “That’s what I was afraid of…” [hr] The last barrel revealed its contents to the world as the snake god sent his scaled fist through the top, breaking half of the top off and causing several litres to spill out. As the god groggily attempted to dam up the hole with his hand, seeing as he could not let the wine go to waste, he dropped his bowl on the floor, shattering it. “Gah, cu’shd wosshname…” Xiaoli let out a cold, emotionless giggle. “It had to happen again, didn’t it…” She groaned and turned to Hermes. “I am sorry you got to see him like this…” Hermes leaned into Xiaoli’s ear, “maybe he should just pee, when I get full of drink, that’s what I do and I feel a lot better right after.” Poppler crackled greedily, its form mighty and puffy. Suddenly there was a tiny clap of thunder and a bit of cloud broke off from the cloudling’s engorged form, then another, and another, and another until the cloudling was back to its original size, except now it was surrounded by new cloudlings. The tiny swarm popped and crackled excitedly, making their way to the sugary desserts that had gone crusty and stale during the competition. The snake, having keeled over and crashed into the floor, raised a shaky fist. “Buh-... [i]Urp![/i] Buh-heaten buh a fart…” A tear ran down the snake god’s cheek. “Beatun by a faaa-ha-haaart!” He let out a long wail that was occasionally interrupted by burps. Xiaoli groaned again. “Oh, I told him to take it easy, but nuh-hooooo!” she whispered loudly to herself. “Just had to be stupid and challenge an actual cloud. Why does he have to be such a...” The following words were unintelligible for the sake of Hermes’ innocence. Hermes pursed her lips and gave a worried look, “Should we go?” [i]”Zzt!”[/i] The girl shot her snoring master a furious scowl. He turned back to Hermes and sighed. “That may be for the best. I am terribly sorry it had to end like this.” She grabbed Hermes’ hands and squeezed them gently. “I really hope we can see each other again soon!” Hermes’ flipped her hands around so that she was holding Xiaoli’s instead, “but why don’t you come then?” The Dreamer smiled wide, “we can go see Li’Kalla and Narzhak, Kalmar, K’nell, and everyone else.” The woman suddenly stopped, her eyes widening, “we can be friends with [i]everyone[/i]. I can show you my home too!” Xiaoli suddenly appeared dumbstruck, her eyes darting between Shengshi and Hermes. “I-... I…” She looked over to Shengshi again. “I…” Xiaoli cleared her throat, looking downcast. “I… Want to…” She took a deep breath. “I want to join you! Please, take me away!” The Dreamer gave her one of her cheshire grins and quickly organized her items into loops on her back. As she tidied herself, Poppler suddenly zipped into her hair, with nothing more than a content crackle. Hermes sighed happily and faced Xiaoli, her playful gaze dancing with glee. “Shengshi is with K’nell right now, anyway.” She reassured the woman as she suddenly wrapped her arms around her. Before another word could be spoken, there was a thunderous clap, and the entire ensemble turned into a blur. The world turned to pins as they darted over endless tracts of land. “So where do you want to go first?” Hermes asked, her scream turning into a whisper that had to be said directly into Xiaoli’s ear. Xiaoli looked utterly slack-jawed at what had just transpired. She looked at Hermes with a glistening shine in her eyes. “Wh-... Wherever you would like,” she said dreamingly. There was a long silent pause as Hermes thought, the group ascending ever higher. Quickly wisps of clouds enveloped the group as Hermes continued to think. There was so many things to show her new friend, she had no idea where to star- Suddenly there was a brief flash of gold, but only for a split second, and then suddenly, everything changed. [hider=Virgin God vs Chad Cloud] Hermes zooms over the sea to Istais, spots Jiangzhou, boards the ship and eats fruit peels. Upon hearing music from above, she hops up to check it out. She finds creepy snek, who immediately invites her to dinner. Xiaoli shows up and immediately falls in love with Chad Poppler. Xiaoli hid Sheng’s booze and has to help him find it. Meanwhile, Poppler and Hermes wait around and eventually fall asleep, only to get wakened the fuck up by Shengshi soloing “Be Our Guest” to the melodic rhythms of heavy metal and cats in heat. The food is served. Sheng wants to test Hermes’ Chinese manners and sees if she will eat before him, which Xiaoli advises her not to do. Hermes cracks a flat joke and later claims Poppler can outdrink Shengshi, which the snake disagrees with. Chad Poppler drinks Sheng under the table (and then has babies, Poppler, not Sheng). Meanwhile, Xiaoli and Hermes share a moment and Xiaoli decides to join her on her adventures. The two head off to the Lustrious Garden shortly thereafter. No Might or FP spent. Lots of self esteem broken. [/hider] [hider=Fanfic Fuel] “Friend or smash?” She asked sternly, her voice nonetheless betraying her gregarious nature. “Now you speakin’ my language, babe,” said the snake. Meanwhile, a young girl turned the corner of the wall and gave Hermes a smile. She silently stepped a little closer and carefully reached out to pat Poppler. “What an adorable little thing…” she said. Poppler craned his neck to look around her backside, “you aint so bad yourself, toots.” The snake’s smile grew more genuine and he let out a warm chuckle. “Do not worry, little Hermes - you will not learn about methamphetamines here, that’s Anz’s job” [/hider]