[h3]A Raw Truth[/h3] A Dervish and Stormy special [i] 18th Midyear 4E208, mid-morning, Alik’r camp...[/i] [hr] It wasn’t like Gregor to not tell her where he was going and immediately her mind began to think of the worst case scenario. She couldn’t even remember falling asleep, it had just happened. She’d been so exhausted that the moment her head had touched the pillow she’d fallen into the grip of slumber. Now she had woken up to find he was not there, she was instantly hit with panic - an intense paranoia crept over her as she scrambled over the bedroll to find a note or anything that he may have left for her as a clue to his whereabouts. “You can’t just wander off now…” she muttered through gritted teeth as she combed her hair quickly and wound it into a tight knot on the top of her head, the shorter strands framing her face in their soft curls. She was making herself as presentable as possible before making her way out of the tent to search for him. [right][i]Where is he?[/i][/right] She walked with purpose, but slowly - observing the camp with keen eyes, letting her senses guide her too. There was no screaming to be heard, so clearly he hadn’t been found or caught. Everything was slow as the people of the camp began to wake from their own sleep. [right][i]Gregor, where did you go?[/i][/right] She watched as several Alik’r gathered around to chat, women were folding linens, roasting foods over campfires, talking amongst themselves, carrying their children in their arms… They were graceful in the way that they started their day, performing their many tasks - making it look as easy as breathing. [right][i]Is he alright?[/i][/right] After a lap of the camp, and no luck in finding Gregor, she decided to make her way back - hoping that he would be found in their tent now.... [hr] When Raelynn returned, Daro’Vasora was standing outside of the tent, arms tightly around her waist. Her eyes were sunken, haunted, she looked up at Raelynn with an unblinking gaze, registering it was her and not a mirage. She had no idea how long she had waited, but it was long enough to have a thousand terrible thoughts cross her mind. Shadows prompted fear, anyone in a dark robe could be coming to harvest her next. After a few moments, her mind finally focusing on the woman in front of her, Daro’Vasora simply said, “Raelynn. I know.” [I]Raelynn knew at once what she meant. Who had done it? Who had told her? Where is Gregor?[/i] Her worry intensified as she mentally flicked through the list of who would have told Daro'Vasora. Sevari had been as mad as anything, but it couldn't have been him. Fjolte hadn't even spoken to Raelynn about it yet, it couldn't have been him. Jaraleet had perhaps known for some time, it wouldn't have been him. That left Zaveed, Sirine, and Sirine's brother. Of course, “that bitch.” Now, Sora was standing in front of her tent. God's had she looked inside? [I]Where is Gregor?[/i] Had he already been taken somewhere? She suddenly felt an ice cold grip around her heart, suffocating her from the inside. Her hands began to shake but she pulled herself upright. “So what now, then?” she asked, as delicately as she could. “I need to know… why didn’t you tell me, any of us?” Daro’Vasora asked. Her tone was not one of accusation, but rather uncertainty and pain. “Raelynn, we promised each other we would help one another with the demons our lovers are facing but this, I… I don’t know what the right course is. I wanted to talk to you, to hear you say it, to help me decide what comes next.” She looked around before returning her stare towards the Breton. “Would you prefer to talk somewhere more private? I haven’t talked to anyone else.” “Here is fine… Let us just sit,” and so Raelynn approached slowly, and sat down at the doorway of the tent, her legs outstretched in front of her. It was a quiet spot to have placed her tent and she was all the more grateful for it now. But what to tell Sora, exactly? Inside she felt angry - livid even, that the secret was out. Part of it was relief. There was a moderate flush of humiliation as she thought about what this implied about her and her own image - but she had long gone past that point now. “I don’t suppose I really know how to explain this,” she admitted, feeling an anger sitting in her stomach. “I’ve never been in love, Daro’Vasora,” she said as she placed her hands on her knees and gazed out across the distance. “Nor has anyone ever loved me. Lusted for me? Yes… Really loved me? No.” She sighed, noticing her fingers begin to tremble. She hated this, every bit of it. She hadn’t even come to terms with what had become of Gregor and now she was having to do this. It wasn’t the time, was it? “I’ve lived my whole life with a closed heart and I always thought I was happy that way - actually, I was happy like that. I didn’t need anyone by my side to complete me or to love me or shower me with affection and then I met… Gregor.” Daro’Vasora sat cross-legged to the side of Raelynn, close, but not invasive. She studied how Raelynn reacted, the turmoil gripping inside of her. This wasn’t a furious rebuke, a defiance. This was a woman who was afraid of losing someone she loved. “Love us makes do stupid things.” Daro’Vasora replied. “Makes us overlook the things we never would have permitted or accepted. Raelynn…” she said, wringing her hands in front of her nervously, not wishing to have this conversation with her friend, but knowing it could only get worse. “Do you understand what he’s done?” she asked quietly. “That may be so, but I willingly did it too, you know. I didn’t know about it at first. I just thought he was a man with a secret and I couldn’t resist myself and I wanted to find out what that was. It was, well it was fun. I thought after everything I’d seen I deserved some fun.” She thought back to Anvil, of sitting under Dibella’s altar with innocent eyes looking up at him, she almost smiled at the memory. “He was strong, powerful, intense. I [i]liked[/i] his darkness. It made me feel safe,” she continued, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear as it fell loose from her bun. “I understand what he’s done, I know what it all means. But I know [i]why[/i] he does what he does, or did it… I just…” The Gregor she had seduced and led away from his prayers in Anvil was entirely different to the one she had sewn up earlier that morning. “I almost told you… In the spring…” she said, her voice quieter and cracking. Her face so devoid of life and painted only with exhaustion. “I just couldn’t find the words.” “Where is he now?” Daro'Vasora asked. She could feel the pain radiating from Raelynn, and despite herself, she reached out, placing her hand on Raelynn's thigh. “I wish you had told me, finding out the way I did… I'm afraid for you. Has he hurt you? All of those souls, Raelynn… why?” she managed, her own voice straining to keep composed. She looked around, her eyes darting nervously for others, for him. For some reason her skin felt raw to the touch and she wanted to flinch away from the Khajiit, but she hadn’t the energy. Sora had [i]so[/i] many questions. Raelynn continued to look out into the distance, but her sight began to blur and it felt as though everything began to spin. Her hands hit the ground, fingers splayed against the sand as she gripped at it - only to feel it slip through her fingers anyway. She felt like she was choking. She hated this, she’d had the opportunity to tell Sora in her own way pulled from under her and now, confronted, she couldn’t find the words. “Gregor is gone…” she said quietly, a melancholic tone sat beneath her voice that suggested she was talking about something far more than just his present location. “No, he hasn’t hurt me - he wouldn’t hurt me. He fought for me, almost died for me. He wouldn’t hurt any of you. I know this, he cares about all of us.” She took Sora’s hand into hers, into a lightly clenched fist and she brought it to her own chest - placing it where her heart was beating. “I’m not lying to you - and I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I really wanted to, I almost did… I’m sorry it wasn’t me who told you… I’m sorry it wasn’t me.” Those words. Those damn words. Daro’Vasora bowed her head, her eyes clenched shut. Everything about this was awful, and she couldn’t see another way forward. “If you asked him to stop, would he have?” the Khajiit asked quietly, her heart pounding like it threatened to burst. “I don’t think so. This all started in Gilane, where things started going so, so wrong. I think he took that administrator’s soul, and in response we were hunted down by Zaveed and Sevari. All of that happened because of Gregor’s secret, his hunger. What do you suppose happens now? Suppose everyone stands up to him, tells him he has to stop? Do you think we’re still safe then?” there was an undercurrent of anger to Daro’Vasora’s voice as she strained to keep her composure. “Raelynn. This is serious. The others will need to know, they have the [i]right[/i] to know, as did I.” Daro’Vasora said, pulling her hand free and wrapping her arms about her waist once more. “I won’t be the one to make the decision of what to do with him, since the last time I made a decision without consulting anyone you all hated me for it. I don’t want to make the choice that will cost me my fucking soul.” “And I paid for Nblec. [I]Twice[/i].” She said, holding her hand up, the scar as clear as day in the sunlight. “They would have come for us anyway, whether Nblec died or not.” She began, her posture straight, her words diplomatic. “We [i]all[/i] in that room elected to torture the administrator. All of us but Calen. We got roped into the dispute with the Poncy Man and Rourken.” Raelynn’s own voice was strong too, a difference of opinion that she stated with conviction. “We were told to kidnap a Dwemer person of interest… It was dangerous from the start. He put us in the centre of that volatile storm, Daro’Vasora, it was never going to end well - you must know that.” She brought her knees up to her chest and turned to meet Sora’s eyes. “I know that it’s serious…” She took a long breath, thinking over her words carefully but not calculatingly. “Gregor was a man alone on his path for a long time, carrying a burden no man should ever have to feel the weight of. He got lost and strayed too far… But he’s a [i]good man[/i], and I know you don’t believe it. Gods, I wouldn’t either -” She sighed again closing her eyes tightly. “He’s done terrible things but he’s not a monster, my words - my voice will not tell his story in the way that only he can. There are some things that only he can answer. But I promise you, he has stopped… He has stopped. If the others wish him to leave then I understand, but Daro’Vasora, if it comes to that, you need to know that I will be with him.” Daro’Vasora looked away from the scar, she certainly didn’t need the reminder of what Gilane took from Raelynn. “I know what was taken from you. Did I not help you reconnect with your magical font?” she said quietly. “I’m not here to argue over hypotheticals. All I know is as soon as that man died, you got tortured and that ate away at me. Then someone I cared deeply about was killed and I was brought to a place I thought I’d never escape from.” she said, feeling deeply torn about everything. How last night had been the first night in so long she remembered what freedom and peace felt like to have it all come crashing down cruelly. Had this place not extracted enough of a toll already? She shook her head, returning her gaze to Raelynn. “You put me back in that room again, where I’m forced to make a choice I never can. Either way, one way I lose you, and I cannot do that. I can [i]never[/i] do that. I care about you, in some ways more than just an unlikely friend that I can’t explain. This hurts me, and I spent all morning wondering if I was going to find you as a lifeless husk one day because you said something he didn’t agree with. For one of the very few times in my life, I don’t know what to do. It’s a decision I do not wish to make.” the Khajiit said, reaching her hand out towards Raelynn. “What would you have me do?” “At least you were given a choice that day… I wasn’t.” Her head drooped and her eyes watered ever so slightly. She hadn’t meant the words to sound malicious. She pulled herself back together, “I can bloody well see that you've been worrying…” Raelynn remarked in a voice laced with her usual terse tone as her eyes fell upon Sora's hand. She hadn't noticed until now but the Khajiit's hands were bloody. She recognised what the injury was. Sora had done this to herself. “Sora…” she sighed and scooched around to sit opposite her, taking the hand and reaching for the other. It was she suspected, exactly the same intense puncturing to the palm. “I'm so tired,” she began as both of her hands lit up with gold. “I am tired of thinking and worrying about Gregor, about this secret, about my father, about shadows and crowds and people... About what he and I have done together because of this damned war.” Her voice was as flat as it could be, but the magicka that formed in her hands was warmth and light. As she held Sora's hands in her own, trails of it began to wind around from Raelynn's knuckles and over the Khajiit's wrists like delicate vines. “This is my decision just as much as it is yours. I know that I will have to choose him or everyone. I'm no fool… I already fought my father tooth and claw over this, I don't fancy fighting you or anyone else…” The Khajiit watched in no small wonder as the wisps of magic began to encircle her wrists like serpents, all too appropriately considering her birthsign. She felt the stinging in her hands she barely noticed given the rest of the stress fading, and it helped remind her of Raelynn’s greatest gift; her compassion. Tears welled up in Daro’Vasora’s eyes and a slight upturn of a smile crossed her lips. “It was never a burden you had to hold on your own, Ko’Raelynn. I never wanted you to feel like you were trapped with no one to turn to, we could have figured something out, to stop him before he went too far. After everything we went through in Gilane… you reached me in ways I forgot I even needed, and I feel like I’ve failed you for not seeing this, for not finding a cure for him faster. I don’t want to fight, I just want to make sure that my friend survives and can one day go home proud of everything she is.” “I was selfish, I wanted him to myself. And maybe that's why I said nothing. Because if I did it would stop, wouldn't it? When everything else was being destroyed around me, he made me happy…” Raelynn closed her eyes, knowing she shouldn't do it, but she concentrated further on the flow of energy emitting from her, and the magic continued its journey up Sora's arms. “You didn't fail me, I promise you didn't…” She opened her eyes again, looking Sora in hers, they were bloodshot but with a smile she could still make them sparkle. “Please stop worrying about me,” she said convincingly as Gregor’s crude words and behaviour of the night before flashed through her mind. She felt pain in her chest, as if her flesh was bruised from the Soul Gem. “Gregor needs me, needs people… More than ever. I don't want us to leave. But I understand if you can't be around him.” She blinked back tears of her own as the image of his gaunt, ashen face intruded her thoughts. “I don't believe he can hurt anyone anymore.” Of course, she did not know that for certain but it was all she had. Daro’Vasora wanted to reach out and embrace Raelynn, but her hands were effectively bound until Raelynn finished her work, the punctures closing and fading before her eyes. Taking note of the redness in Raelynn’s eyes, she said, “I won’t stop worrying until I know you’re safe. I’ve lost too many people I care about, and I won’t lose you, too.” she said with a somber gaze. “What happened last night? You behave as if you know something is terribly wrong, and you’re not fighting me on this. What do you mean he cannot hurt anyone anymore? Please, talk to me. I want to be here for you, no matter what form that might take.” she promised. Raelynn thought about it, she lingered over the question for a while as her hands continued to work against Daro’Vasora - the energy about reaching her shoulders and neck now. “Hmmm…” She began to rub her thumbs in slow circles over her healing palms, slowly, slowly… “There’s not a great deal that I don’t understand about the body. Over the years I’ve studied it, taught myself new techniques and alternative ways of healing. I’m an alchemist too. I don’t know how much you know of me or my past studies because these are not things that I discuss...” She sighed with a shake of her head, “I'm a secretive woman, clearly…” “Something has happened to him. He has no memory of what and even-” she really was going to share the details of their intense evening with Sora, she almost did, but she reigned it back in. “Daro’Vasora, do you trust me still?” The Khajiit, despite herself and the turmoil within her, smiled. “Is this not what we promised each other in the spring? Were our situations reversed, I can't say I'd have done anything different.” She said, thinking of Latro's struggles with Pale-feather, how it had terrified her in the palace and how she accepted it was going to be difficult going forward. “I trust you, Raelynn. Even if others in this position wouldn't, we have been through a lifetime of hardship together. Look where we came from; we [i]hated[/i] each other. Now I can't imagine life without you.” Raelynn held out another silence, knowing that to stay in control she had to relinquish some, she knew that. But she also knew that she and Gregor were not the same now. She could not help him alone, and the feeling of sheer inadequacy burned her almost to a spiteful point of rage but she leveled herself out. “Then trust me once more.” As she said it, she let go of Sora’s hands and brought hers to her own chest, her lip trembling. “Please allow me to tell him that you know, please give me the rest of the day with him… If you can do this, I will bring him at nightfall to the cave.” She hoped Sora knew which one, it seemed that Fjolte’s hanging rock had become a place of importance. “You asked me what you should do,” she spoke with clarity, and yet there was a fear in her voice, “there are others that you trust. I think you should bring them to gather. Whoever you need… I know you find him loathsome, but please bring Fjolte. He’s… my oldest friend here and it would be a comfort to me. Despite his arrogance, he can be sage and-” She bowed her head and brought her hands to her face, quietly sobbing into them all of a sudden. “I’m sorry.” Daro’Vasora reached out, gently pulling Raelynn’s forehead against her own. “I trust you. I know it is something you’ve struggled with, and the truth is not one easily accepted. You feared losing him, losing us.” The Khajiit said softly, running her fingers through the long blonde hair. “I will do what you ask, and do not be sorry; what matters is what we do next, together. You choose to trust in me, and I will do the same in turn. I will gather those I feel are reasonable, and we will speak to him tonight. Keep him safe, and none will know of this until those we choose to share this with are told in his own words tonight. Thank you, Raelynn, for believing in me. We may not be able to set this right, but we will at least try to make it work. After everything, everyone deserves a chance, as terrifying as their actions may be.” The sudden touch felt intrusive and strange - an overload of sensations on sensitive skin. Like running a finger the wrong way over a blade of grass. She stiffened and held in a breath, but nodded against Sora. “Yes…” Was all she could say for a short while as she let her few tears fall. “I have to help him, I promised him that, maybe I just can’t do it alone… Not this time, I’m not well enough myself to help anyone…” She pulled back from Sora slowly, wiping a finger under her eye. She huffed out a breath, “what is this war doing to us? I’m coming undone at the seams...” “I will bring him at nightfall… Light a fire so I know you’re there. Thank you Sora, I will not forget this.” “It's what friends are for, right? Pulling each other back together again?” Daro'Vasora said with a reassuring smile that didn't quite mesh comfortably with the fatigue and worry in the Khajiit’s eyes. She stood up, regarding her now healed hands and Raelynn's remarkable talent. “I know you won't, and I know you would do the same for me. The sun will shine on us all again, we just have to keep searching for our dawn. Don't lose hope, we will find the answer.” She reached down, stopping herself from touching Raelynn's shoulder. “Together.” “If I had any wine I’d drink to that,” she said - an uncertain smile on her lips. Change was fast approaching to turn everything upside down. It made sense to happen now, now that everything had already changed - might as well happen all at once. Raelynn could not see any good from this, but it was necessary. There was a feeling inside of her that had noted her own unhealthy habits of late. Perhaps before she could help anyone else, it was time to heal herself. “And you’re right, I would do the same for you… I.... owe you for this.” She glanced away from Sora when she said it, “it’s not like me to owe anybody - I must say it feels strange for people to actually want to help me when really they shouldn’t.” Daro’Vasora crossed her arms, scuffing her bare foot into the sand, feeling the grains raise up between her toes like mountains rising between plates. “You know, I’ve spent a lot of my life feeling like people weren’t giving me a chance to prove myself, that I could be trusted, that I was worthy of affection. Maybe this is a mistake, but I don’t feel like it is. I just know if I were in your situation, I’d want someone who cared about me not to give up on me and to give me a chance. Don’t think of this as owing me anything, or even a real favour. I’d like to think after everything, we’ve all earned some benefit of the doubt. Besides,” a shy smile crossed the Khajiit’s lips as she glanced back up at Raelynn. “I promised I wouldn’t give up on you.” “I know… I guess we’re just not that different after all. I don’t want it to be a mistake. I hope I haven’t made a mistake…” she confessed, pulling her knees up to her chest. “I’m glad that we’re friends.” She sighed, tightening her arms about her. Her toes dug in deeper. “Raelynn.” She said quietly. “I’m terrified of all of this.” Daro’Vasora admitted, her gaze breaking as she looked to the camp, anywhere but where she needed to. “Is it wrong that in all of these revelations, I’m just terrified that I’ve lost him completely? Or that I’m about to? That I’m too broken now… That I’m not strong enough for all of this, not smart enough… That I don’t know enough. I don’t know how to be enough anymore and words don’t help because I feel so much like...” Raelynn struggled over her words, her fingers clenching at the loose linen of her trousers. “I feel so unlike myself and so unprepared for this war. I used to be strong and unshakeable, I used to get by alone. Now look at me, God’s look at [i]us[/i]. Look at how we’ve changed.” “None of us have remained unchanged by this war.” Daro’Vasora agreed, closing her eyes for a few moments. “But it doesn’t mean we’re not stronger. Raelynn,” the Khajiit turned once more to look upon her friend with kind emerald eyes. “You’re such a brilliant and courageous person, I look up to you. I always have.” she admitted with a shy smile, rubbing the back of her neck bashfully. “Broken doesn’t mean we can’t be fixed, and asking for help when you need it is a sign of strength and courage, not weakness. It wasn’t that long ago I was going it alone, plundering tombs and not acknowledging that if something happened to me, no one would have been able to help me, let alone know where I was. I learned from all of you that having people who give a shit about you and stay by your side when the world is in cinders matters. We can take on anything, Raelynn… together.” “I must admit, it’s hard for me to imagine you working alone like that, I’ve only ever known you to be with this group. I was only picked up by chance. Had it not been for the attack in Anvil… You know, I had actually bought my passage back to High Rock?” She laughed too, releasing her grip on the cloth as she relaxed with the turning tide of the conversation. “I even think the proof of payment is on a slip of parchment lodged somewhere in my journal…” She smiled up at Sora, “don’t forget to remember that you’re really quite brilliant and courageous yourself. It takes a certain… ingenuity, to do what you do.” The Khajiit covered her mouth to conceal a put upon smile, feeling somewhat embarrassed yet complimented all the same. “Kind of you to say, but unless you mean sneaking around and stealing stuff from ancient burial sites before other people of ill-repute do, I'm hardly anyone special. I just try to consider my opinions and I hope I make the right choice. I’m well-learned and I’ve survived on my own, but I am so bad with people.” she said with a rueful chuckle. Raelynn noticed quite clearly that Sora was not used to such attention and compliments, and she grinned almost devilishly at her embarrassment as a result, she couldn’t quite resist poking some more… “But you are special, I think we all probably are in our own way - but… You are leading this group of, dare I say it, misfits. None of us are that equipped to fight in a war but you lead us and make the decisions that push us forward and keep us going. Your damn long-winded speeches motivate us,” she remarked with a joking roll of her eyes, “you’re doing the best with the cards you were dealt. You didn’t ask for them, you didn’t ask for us. We’re all being… well, a pain in your arse if you don’t mind my saying… but you’re doing well.” Even though the Breton had only been trying to bring about a bashful redness to Sora’s face, she felt the words resonating, there was a sincerity to them that she wasn’t used to expressing so openly. It felt nice to do so. “You’re younger than I, younger than many of us here and your tenacity and spirit drives us. We each have our own agenda, yes… But we all want to survive this, don’t we? You found love in Latro - you grow each day. You will continue to make missteps and incorrect decisions, what I’m trying to say is that you should not dwell on your decisions, nor on what you perceive as mistakes… We take what we’ve got, and we do our best with it.” Daro’Vasora listened, holding her cheeks, her tail flicking behind her in the sand. “Raelynn, I… I don’t know what to say. That was… my goodness.” she said rapidly, her mind screeching for something, anything, witty or insightful to say. She came up short, feeling flames burning up her cheeks and the back of her neck. “I needed to hear that. When you say it, I might even believe it.” she admitted, smiling shyly. “I know this isn’t the best of circumstances we’re in, but after everything we’ve been through, us all being here… I know we’re doing the right thing. Maybe a few more long-speeches and we’ll be across the mountains and in sight of our goal. I might not have asked for anyone, or any of this, but I wouldn’t change a thing. I can’t imagine anyone else taking this journey and I will do my damnest to make sure we all go home in the end. That’s my promise, and my dream; we’re all going to do the impossible together.” she said with a dreamy sigh, walking over to Raelynn and kneeling before her, taking the Breton’s hands in her own. “Thank you, for everything you are to me. For believing in me. It’s more than I’ve deserved, but I promise I will earn it.” “And I will earn it too, I’ll keep trying. I’ll keep trying to find more reasons to… Be, and to… live.” Raelynn held Sora’s hands just as tightly, looking her dead in the eyes with resolve. “We’re going to make it through this, you and I, and everyone.” “We can do it together.”