Ines had closed the door behind her to ensure Franz the luxury of privacy, most certainly, and yet...Ines did not want to abandon him. Even in her impaired state, she knew Franz wasn’t in a good place. She had made him feel pleasure, as she felt pleasure - an experience they shared, but did not equivocate. Franz was a fine companion, certainly, but there were…[i]things[/i] she knew that he did not. Ines knew that moment would have to come eventually. But just as soon she brushed it out of her mind, headed down the hallway as she prowled in search of her promise.

And just beyond a peculiar door, just near that section of the hall, that familiar voice of her NCO spoke out. No, it had to be Jean. That awkward diction, the uncertainty in ever passage of his voice; It could be no other. Jean was an attractive man, of course, yet...as Ines listened over his every phrase, nothing but the sprouts of a growing cynic came. And as the saying went, [b]“inside every cynic, there is a disappointed idealist.”[/b] Every person had their insecurities, no matter how extravagant their paintings be, yet Jean ensured every wordage rung with the poise of a flag amidst a tempest. In just that moment, just that second, Ines wanted to barge in, almost; Throw herself in, just to tell Jean it would be alright - that they would be okay, that this was but a temporary affair and for the suffering of untold millions, what they fought for was but the grim bastion, pushed to the edge against an unyielding force in which the Darcsen people suffered naught but unrelenting servitude. 

And yet...no.

She was not the one for that conversation. Someone else was for that task, and that special someone occupied that very room, for now. Ines was not his mother, nor his girlfriend, nor his sister. And as much as she thought it a good idea...somewhere, in the shallow resonant waves of her heart, she knew through noostic means that Jean would be alright. Dammit, she promised Freya even a few days ago she’d check on him. And yet...checking up on the Corporal would have to wait. Perhaps not long, perhaps all night, if his luck waned into a blossom. Inside, Ines hoped Jean had gotten some fine company for the day; He needed to relieve a lot of stress.

Down the stairs she went, down to the den of debauchery itself where it all began. In her pocket still remained her precious case, and within that case, of course, lay her ever-so-necessary Khandar smokes. Striking a match against its coarse side, Ines lit a match in a moment just necessary to ignite her smoke, taking a light puff simply to confirm the ignition of her smoke, then resumed her steady march down the staircase. The smoke munched sideways in her mouth, a steady, beady orange emanating from the cig as she fumed her way down the stairs. In a way, it had a sobering effect on her, providing stimulus once lost, and yet still a sensation pleasant, as if she were walking on clouds. 

Ah. That sight of the floor did nothing to relegate her to any prior state - not that such mattered amidst some blissful haze of inebriation, mind you - but rather situated itself as a welcoming area. Off to her right, she noted the first action of the midday, that of a little contest, apparently, between the lighthead and her opponent; The brunette mudhead who claimed her drinking spirit was indivisible, in a tone some might call risible. Ines couldn’t help but salute both of the women for their confidence in the matter, especially with that other mudhead strewn about the floor like the doormat he was. Luke was in a pathetic state; while another rather gaunt earthheaded woman had taken the time to start undressing him, she positioned him on a pedestal, showing him off before the entire room like he were a game trophy. So sorry a sight could only elicit laughter from the Darcsen, and only confirmed the weak will of the mudhead against his spurious bravado. And even as her lightheaded friend confirmed her placement against her adversary, Ines remarked her promise of speaking to Diana following her fateful encounter. She approached the table with swagger, smiling as she steadily enjoyed her cig. 

[color=4682b4]“Only dirthairs think drinking is a sport.”[/color] Ines chuckled, plucking her smoke from her mouth only to find Victoria’s mouth a suitable ashtray for her smoke in the meantime. In that same sentence, she picked up some random beer from the table, not particularly caring who it belonged to in that moment, and threw it back with such swiftness that she likely consumed it all in a single gulp.

Soon as she was done, Ines snatched her little spliff back from Victoria’s mouth, taking light puffs as she looked upon the struggle with intrigue. Inès could give a damn if Victoria had something to say to her; her decisively stern and nonchalant expression made that unquestionable. Victoria was her ashtray, and whatever sound the tray made was just the creek of the wood. Considering the expense of acquiring things from Khandar, allowing Ines to pop it in her kisser could even be seen as a complement. 

Besides, Victoria was probably used to putting things in her mouth. 
[hr]
Well, Ines couldn’t be insulted for trying. Truth be told, her drive for the itense [i]ménage à trois[/i] fizzled out after a bit of searching, and even though she told Franz otherwise, the more time passed at the floor of the inn, the more she got the feeling she would do well not to keep him waiting. And as entertaining as the proposition seemed, the dialectics of convincing a fellow soul to engage in said activity was...easier thought of than performed. [i]“Yes, hello Freya, my new boyfriend is probably traumatized and I wanted to un-traumatize him by getting him into a threesome, and i’ve also had a stupid schoolgirl crush on you since we’ve met, can you help a girl out?”[/i] [i]“Hey Silverhead, I know we haven’t ever talked before, but you like Franz and I do too and we need to cheer him up. You get top half, I get bottom half?”[/i] [i]“Oh, hi Diana! Listen, you keep talking so much about how much your family loves Darcsens, so do you wanna give up whatever dignity your bloodline has left and get sandwiched between two Darkies?”[/i]

[color=4682b4][i](“Yeah, that’s not happening.”)[/i][/color] Even as it was, Ines found herself chucking along to those ridiculous queries almost aloud, picturing their priceless reactions. Enticement of the proposition almost made her want to commit to it, yet as she approached anyone with it, the better part of her halted her from following through. She took comfort in knowing that her wits were still about her, though, even God-knows-how-many drinks in she was. Better that she save her and a few other women the embarrassment, she thought.

With that being dismissed, it wasn’t prudent to keep Franz waiting for much longer. Ines turned her back, steadily marching her way back to the staircase...but caught Luke out of the corner of her eye. If an arrogant mudhead on display without his clothes were the stakes of their game, Ines didn’t want to miss the rest of it. She hung around until the end of their little escapade, a wolflike grin on her face while she took slow puff after slow puff, eagerly awaiting the inevitable foolishness of Luke Godfrey before she met Franz once more for Round 2.

[hr]
Ines laid there next to Franz after countless hours of rigorous activity. Ines hadn’t felt this exhausted since she first started training as a kid. Believe her, that was a good thing; Ines hadn’t had this much fun since...she couldn’t remember when the last time she really had fun was, actually. The war had turned it all into a bleak vortex in which dark fatalism of the vapidness of life was the most fun a girl could have. When was the last time she saw her loved ones smile? That...Ines genuinely drew a blank trying to remember she saw someone grin prior to this day off. It made it all the more special, these fleeting joys. She turned to her side, seeing Franz equally exasperated by their time together. 

War brought out every emotion imaginable. Love, hate, friendship, bravery, fear, horror, repulsion, life, death...to have that much stimulus all at once would overwhelm even the most iron-hearted of men. No wonder, then, that so many had to cut themselves off if they were to survive. It was almost as though you lost all of your senses at once, only for them to return with a blistening charge of ten thousand experiences in some maddening euphoria. Yet, this was a coveted moment. There was but one thing to feel. Intense, of course, but it was focused. Pure. Unrestrained. Ines was thankful, truth be told, that she could share just that little moment of order in a crazy world with someone else.

This brought up contention. Actions had consequences, Ines knew, and the actions of them both in a drunken escapade served to be grave, indeed. So it was that she started her recourse with a sigh, preparing herself for the inevitable talk. She couldn’t repeat her mistake with Lili again. She needed to tell him.

[color=4682b4]“Don’t worry.”[/color] Ines smirked, running a hand through Franz’s admittedly short hair, [color=4682b4]“If I didn’t have fun, I would have told you.”[/color]

She dropped the joke quicker than her hand fell to his side, however. That grin faded into her serious demeanor, though her hand rested upon his. Little amounts of comfort like this, as their fingers danced to entwinement, were...they were needed.

[color=4682b4]“But, you know...we need to talk...about things going forward.”[/color] Ines’ deep, wispy tone encompassed hesitation, but it was clearly prudent. She made no difficulty to show she didn’t look forward to this talk. [color=4682b4]“And...no. It’s not to say you aren’t good enough, or…”[/color]

She sighed. The pain was palpable, just even from a glance it was as though she felt herself being stabbed in the throat, so much did it well up. What was in order needed ordering, nevermind the discomfort. Ines opened her eyes, looking, staring outward, upward, into something clearly only she saw. 

[color=4682b4]“...when I was with my ex boyfriend, Cedric, it was...I loved him for a while. But then, just over time...I knew he wasn’t going anywhere. No matter what I said, or how I said it, nothing I could do could ever get through to him. He...he was going to be a mobster for all his life. No ambition. No care. Just...nothing. And just after too long, I...I didn’t love him anymore...but I couldn’t tell him that. Cedric didn’t have anything. I was that something. I was that someone to live for, and I...I didn’t love him.”[/color]

[color=4682b4]“Then...I met Lili. She was...heh.”[/color] Her smile was wrenching to do, almost like she was being slit with every word she made, [color=4682b4]“...she was...perfect. She understood everything I said. She never judged me. And...I still remember meeting her. We could just...talk. For hours, and...we would connect with every moment. And we’d ask about what we wanted to do in life, and...and that was just...never there with Cedric. And so I...we...we kissed. And it was like everything was okay. But…”[/color]

[color=4682b4]“We...I...then-...”[/color] 

[color=4682b4]“I...threw away the woman I loved...because I couldn’t...b-be honest with her.”[/color] Her breath nearly exhausts itself. Each word comes out like a choke, a faint rupture in pain.

[color=4682b4]“A-and...I made love with a man I didn’t...just so he could have something...but when...Lili...we…”[/color]

She blinked rapidly. Blue eyes met the cold floor, blank. Empty. Deep.

[color=4682b4]“And...Cedric...died. Waiting for me to tell him I loved him. Waiting for me to lie. And Lili...just...how could she…”[/color]

[color=4682b4]“She...found. And...left me all alone.”[/color]

There was the harrowing notion of what to do in his final moments. Ines still heard him scream. How could you not, when you are the bastion in a world gone mad? And just to think...seeing your lover in your arms, just as you made peace with the world...only for them to drop you. To abandon you. To say they never loved you. “I don’t love you, anymore.”, your final farewell with this hellish earth? How could one be so callous? 

Lili could not be helped, either. First did she sin with cheating, second did she sin with lying. Third, did she collude with Cedric, even against her own wishes. Ines could not lie, and she could not tell the truth. Ines loved her, and yet could never be honest with neither the one she did love, nor the one she did not. What said that of herself, if she could not even do something so simple as be honest? 

Even thinking about [b]her[/b] was stiffening in the moment. It paralleled everything so...perfectly. Like a mirror in a book. It didn’t judge her. No, it cast down no judgement on her, and Ines, in truth received few reprimansions for what she did. Instead, it reflected it back at her, showed her for what she was, and let her be the judge. Lili nor Cedric nor even Joan never once antagonized her. [i]It[/i] antagonized herself. 

And...for just once. Ines had to be honest. For one time in her life, when it mattered the most. She needed to tell him.

[color=4682b4]"I...I need to tell you, Franz...I...kinda...like Freya. And...it's stupid. It's just this stupid kiddish crush where you share lunch and you want to be married, but...there's something about us I have to say...because there's something between us, anyway. And...I need to try. I need to know."[/color] Ines felt stupid for saying it, no matter how brutally honest she was being. In expression, she seemed disappointed. Not in Franz - she glanced at him in assurance, knowing he did nothing to deserve what she had just done - but in herself. In likelihood, she was repeating the same mistake once more. And Franz was just...idly watching.

He didn't deserve anything she told him. Maybe she should have lied to him, like she did to Cedric. But that would have meant she didn't love Franz. 

[color=4682b4]“...I think we should figure things out before we go into anything. You know...see other people. Just make sure.”[/color] 

She closed her eyes, then exhaled. It was coarse, rough, like a choppy gale in the winter brushing over the freezing mist of a river.

[color=4682b4]"And...this isn't goodbye. It's not 'no.' I just...I can't hurt you."[/color]

[@CFProxy] [@Smike] [@Landaus Five-One]