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[sub][color=Silver][i]The Siege of Amone, September 10th - [b]The Nighttime Predicament[/b][/i][/color][/sub]
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[color=Silver]	For a moment, everyone had been commenting on either their own escapades or the strange occurrence downstairs that had gone on during Jean's episode. Apparently Diana, Luke and the new-girl Victoria had all had a drinking match that went south very quickly, resulting in a naked Diana and some other strange shenanigans she apparently never wanted to think about ever again. Was this their idea of fun? Jean could never grasp the true behaviours of everyone that surrounded him on a daily basis; their strange attitudes towards relaxing was to intoxicate themselves with litres of unhealthy drinks, doing strange dares and really selling themselves short of humility and dignity. He'd heard stories all the time about how people acted when they were bored, but as someone who grew up with essentially no friends and within an isolated quadrant of Liege City, Jean was almost uncertain as to how to react to it all. On the contrary, there was a little bit of a sick kick of excitement that came with putting himself out there like an idiot as everyone seemed to be either having a laugh or a rather interesting conversation themselves. God, to think that Jean was upstairs with a rifle to his chin only hours before, and now everyone was blissfully unaware... It must've been nice not having much to worry about, or in Squad 1's case a way of pushing out those thoughts and distracting themselves with something else. If only he had that mental capacity and intelligence, common sense and folk psychology to really impress the world around him. To them, Jean was most likely a failure or one in the making. Years of isolation, only to be let out into a field of battle, was not an ideal type of commanding non-commissioned officer many of these soldiers, conscripts or volunteers had in mind. Before they left, several soldiers from Federation regiments within the White Hart stared at him, giving him odd glances at why he was the selected NCO when all around them were far more capable and adaptable warriors. Those who were new to the commanding scene were sharp looking, eager and had a brightness to their face. Those who were experienced to the frontlines and had established a sense of authority were rugged and muscular, or even sharper than their newer counterparts. However, Jean didn't seem to fit any of those quotas. He was some Francian, a Darcsen too, who'd looked like he'd been dragged through shit just to turn up in some militarised uniform and claim a rank he didn't deserve. These were the thought processes of Jean, at least, but in some regard their assumptions could've been seen as right. He was pressured into the war, chased by a white-feather movement that called him a coward and threatened the safety of his homestead. Ironic, considering his enlistment into the Atlantic Federation armed services proved ineffective at saving the doomed lives of both his mother and father. With a great sigh, Jean held the photo of Olivia in front of him, still sat in the dark corner away from his own Squad, who'd been celebrating and spending their time off with great enthusiasm, some more than others. And yet with such a happy environment, one that Jean himself was glad to see, he couldn't shake that emotion from his shoulder and continued to wear it upon his sleeve. Olivia's face looked so still and unrecognisable in the photographic format. What was previously a breathing face of happiness was now simply a strange black-and-white photo, showing a single emotion that never changed. It irked Jean. It scared him. It frightened him to know that she was gone forever, just like everyone else in this fucking war.

	Thoughts of discomfort had once again circled his process of thought several more times until he finally did it. Jean looked far too stressed and stood up, almost slamming the photo of Olivia down onto the wooden table before him. He had to tell someone. Jean was no longer going to let it be bottled up, at least in solitary confinement. [i]Someone[/i] had to know, but who? Jean would've seen the logic in turning to Reyna, but her happy and wonderful mood made his heart flutter to an extent that he didn't want to ruin it. Michael was already suffering enough on his plate, trying to deal with the horrors of Lucia's hidden past. Diana didn't always come across as the type of person who could handle such a dark story from Jean's heart, and Franz was most likely ball's-deep in Ines for the seventeenth time this evening alone. Gwyn was quite an innocent looking lad, and they hadn't properly spoken outside of the professional soldier's platform. Luke was an arsehole, so that would not go down well. Britta seemed to have a sort of motherly complex to her, but...well Britta was the kind of person anyone would get nervous when talking around. Kalisa had been rather shy or quiet in the recent days and Freya was still brooding in her own corner about something that was bothering her. Victoria too had not seen enough of Jean to really understand what he may have been going through, or had instead found another drink to guzzle down. Jean sighed, knowing that in reality there was only one person who should know during this time. There was someone who had checked up on him somewhat regularly, but never progressed past their level of a superior and subordinate. Lance Corporal Isaac Black. The Machine-gunner himself. The crusade he made on Britta's virginity had been finished ages ago, back when Jean was still trying to shoot himself, and so he seemed to be in a position of approaching.

	However, Jean's manner was not out of calmness or subtle pulling over. The Francian instead moved over towards Isaac, gently placing a hand upon his shoulder and giving him a dark look. It wasn't a dark one directed towards him, but one that really sold the impression that he needed to speak to him. It was only necessary for him to equally tell his intentions before excusing his prize-soldier from his current topic of conversation. This, however, was of the upmost importance. If he wasn't going to talk to someone about it, he was as good as dead to the Squad. None of them were even aware he'd attempted, and that was what pained him the most. This time, it was for the sake of Squad 1, and not just himself. And so, when he was sure he had Isaac's attention, he looked to him, still sat down from his talk, and nodded.[/color]

[color=Aqua][b]"Isaac...I need to speak with you. It's...it's urgent, if you wouldn't mind?"[/b][/color] [color=Silver]For a short moment, he looked towards whoever was in the middle of a conversation with him and nodded quietly, bowing out of respect for his interruption.[/color] [color=Aqua][b]"I apologise for interrupting. This shouldn't take any more than five or ten minutes. Please, excuse us."[/b][/color]

[color=Silver]	Jean waited for Isaac to begin following him, before the two of them went to the other side of the main bar room, far out of the reach of everyone else. Kind enough to do it for him, Jean slid out a chair as an offer to Isaac before taking a seat himself on another, placing a few notes and items on the table, though none of them were of any importance. A few pens here and there, as well as his pair of binoculars that he always carried around with him. Strangely enough, it was the very same one Jean had plucked from the dead Sergeant on Hill 58, which still had its few weathered features and scratches. Finally, Jean nodded and let the silence disappear once he first opened his mouth, his tone low and his face rather glum. There was a pain in his eyes that couldn't be compared to any other seen before. It wasn't fear, nor was it regret out of the stabbing of another woman. This time, there was some other emotion locked deeply in his graceful, yet disturbed irises. One that could have equated to guilt.[/color]

[color=Aqua][b]"I...I am sorry to pull you aside on such a wonderful moment and day, but I-I really need to talk to you. You are the closest to my rank after all and I thought it would be best to put it by you before anyone else."[/b][/color] [color=Silver]He took a deep breath, finding his words and place of comfort before he placed a hand on his own wrists, locking both ends of his arms together to avoid further discomfort and as a mechanism to press his words onward from their concealed veil.[/color] [color=Aqua][b]"Isaac...I...Around three to five hours ago, I...I hallucinated, something so dire and strange that I could never explain. The voices of my sister, the faces of her before and after her skin peeled from its own source. It was only a manifestation of my mind but...but...it started to get to me. It was around the time everyone was settling into the inn and having such a wonderful time, getting together with friends and doing all strange shenanigans, but...but I felt like it was necessary to inform you this in the rare case it happens again."[/b][/color]

[color=Silver]	This was too hard for him to say. The pain and agony of trying to fumble out the words he never thought anyone would ever hear him utter was enough to strain his mind furthermore. Agony. Anguish. All of these adjectives were appropriate to describing how he felt when committing to this strange and random tale of disturbing truth.[/color]

[color=Aqua][b]"I'm...I'm not coping well, Isaac, I really am not. I'm stepping my game up, just as you said, as a Corporal and NCO that people can put their trust in, and all it is doing is making me lose my humanity at the same time. You want to know why I am scared? Five hours ago I held a gun to my throat, my own rifle, bolted it and pulled the trigger, expecting out of instinct to blow my fucking brains across the bedroom wall for one of you guys to find and laugh at, that's what I was expecting. After my hallucination, I changed. I wanted to die, in that moment. I wanted to end everything that had ever brought me to this fucking low-fucking-end of the spectrum and I just...just...can't deal with it anymore. I...I don't want to try it again and thank the fucking saviour of whatever fucking religion is dominant, but there was no ammunition in it. I regret it all, Isaac, and I really don't want to abandon the squad but if this ever happens to me again, as cowardly as everyone will now see me as if they hear of this, just know that I put full trust in you to take my intentions of the squad's purity and to uphold them to the end of the war. I want to see it through, I really do, but something tells me that if my body doesn't physically die here in Europa, then my humanity will first."[/b][/color] [color=Silver]After ranting, to an extent that nearly had him shout in certain places, he finally took a deep breath and sighed, burying his own head beneath his arms. There was a great release of stress and tension from his mind. The aggravation wasn't towards Isaac by any means and he wouldn't have been surprised if he suddenly got a verbal beating from his lesser-ranked comrade, but Jean was angry at himself. It was almost as if he were looking in a mirror and scolding himself for such stupidity and ignorance, such that made him feel like an inadequate waste of space and rations for the unfortunate group. He suddenly shook his head once more and placed a hand on Isaac's shoulder.[/color] [color=Aqua][b]"I...I know I've never spoke to you, or anyone, in such a way like this, but please understand that somewhere, something along the line might go wrong for me. And if that happens, I may never be able to turn back. I'll do what you insist, and try my very fucking hardest to get us through to the end of the war, trust me, and I will make sure I never break down during an assault, only after if I truly have to suffer that fate. I don't...I don't want you, or our Squad, to lose faith in me, if they even have any to start with. I just wanted to let you know, as a friend and Lance Corporal under my unfortunate command, to understand to truth behind the bleakness of our situation. In two days, we're going to head out of here and look for those tunnels...Just...let's just try to enjoy the moment we have left, okay?"[/b][/color]

[color=Silver]	And with that, he eventually dismissed Isaac with a polite wave of the hand, burying his head beneath his hands again. Jean was going to follow his own advice and enjoy the rest of the moment, but he needed a moment to calm down. It was likely that someone would've at least picked up on his shouting, or at least his strange conversation with Isaac, but for those who had no clue it was up to the Lance Corporal to let them know from here onward. It would be logical and most likely appropriate for Isaac to relay the information of Jean's attempted suicide in the frantic disarray he was in, but at the end of the day, Jean could not will the intentions of a free man, not in his Squad. Here, Jean wanted to at least let those around him have a sense of freedom today. And tomorrow. And the day after, and forever more. Jean just...just needed a few moments to calm down, before he could plaster a smile back onto his face and to finally talk to those around him once more.

	Another half an hour finally passed before Jean felt like he could face the music again. Slowly, he stood up from his table, having slowed and calmed his breathing down to a better extent, and walked towards the gathering group of his own squad. Several soldiers there were laughing and chanting together, or telling stories of their origins and further expeditions through life. Others were reminiscing of better times and simply indulging the brilliance of the White Hart's peaceful policies, not having to worry about another man aiming directly at their head. For a minute, Jean was clearly hesitant about choosing where to sit, but eventually he found a place and sat down near Diana, who was separate from the group, for the most part. Perhaps she was still embarrassed by her own incident of gambling, which Jean had missed (though whether or not it was for the good of him was another topic to debate). She'd smiled at him as he made his way over, which honestly gave Jean a strange warmth to his heart again. He hadn't had the chance to properly speak to her since Hill 58, and had shared a few small conversations with her on the way to Amone, but now was a chance for them to actually get back into one another's lives. Truth be told, Jean did still find an amazing attraction to Diana in her physical appearance. She still had that quirky aura to her, one that had stuck around since she had proclaimed an apparent love for Jean upon the first minute she laid eyes upon him. Something about that reality made Jean feel a little...happy? Was that the word? Jean did like Reyna a lot, and had made some form of informal and subtle confession towards her, but Jean still found a great deal of interest towards two individuals in particular: Kalisa and Diana, too. Even though in recent days and weeks he'd been far more attentive towards Reyna, it still was a lie to claim he couldn't see a future life with someone of the likes of the other two, who each shared their own sense of personality and qualities that enlightened Jean's soul furthermore. Freya had jokingly told him to get into a relationship with two at the same time, like Diana and Reyna, but Jean wasn't entirely sure what she meant by that. For a moment, he found himself gazing at Diana with a strange fixation upon her face and quirky smile. Her own eyes were seemingly more attentive towards her own physique, potentially seeing a strange anxiety about how she actually looked: though to those like Jean, those anxieties were not exactly something to be embarrassed about.

	And then, she struck first. Diana questioned why he was staring and blatantly called out that she wanted to converse with him, finding comfort and a sense of sweetness to what he had to say. The game was on. Jean, finally found a sense of confidence within his heart, and began to grow a small smile across his face, thinking mischievously of how he could playfully interact with her. After all, Jean felt bad about giving her the impression that Jean wasn't interested in her after the abrupt confession she made in Garnia, and so it would only be fair to show some true sparks towards her own passion. It was embarrassing to think about, but Jean leaned closer towards Diana and smirked at her, roughly under half a metre away from where they were sat. Before then, he quickly shifted his seats and sat down beside her so that he didn't have to shout across the table, before chuckling to himself and playfully inciting a rather flirtatious comment.[/color]

[color=Aqua][b]"I thought you liked it a lot when I stared, Diana."[/b][/color] [color=Silver]He couldn't help but blush himself at his silly little comment, finding a sense of embarrassment and anxiety to its flirty manner, but he went along with it either way. Besides, time had shown Jean that Diana wasn't a bad person nor was she as crazy as he first thought. It was like Reyna: how could anyone turn down a lovely individual like her?[/color] [color=Aqua][b]"Well...if it's lovely to talk to me, ask away, I'm all ears for you, right?"[/b][/color]

[centre][sub][@FalloutJack][@Landaus Five-One][/sub][/centre]