If Brendon had thought about it a little more, he would’ve have realised that he didn’t just like Ryan- he loved him. It just- wasn’t anything he’d experienced before, so he couldn’t connect a word that sounded so foreign and unrealistic to a man who had been something in his life that stuck to his shoe in the best way, always clinging on to his heart even if he was out of his mind. Which he rarely was. Even back when they absolutely despised eachother- Brendon and Ryan spent a lot of their free time concentrating on the person they supposedly hated the most. It also wasn’t obvious because of the way it had crept up to him, imperceptibly, too imperceptibly, perhaps, to seem like perfidy, but earlier in their lives if he’d figured out his feelings he would have indeed felt betrayed by his own heart. He’d spent a long time finding someone who could fill Ryan’s shoes when they mutually (but not really) decided that the two of them just couldn’t work. Physically, many could- that was just the honest truth- but. Their connection, the connection that made their physical relationship so intense. He couldn’t find that anywhere.

Of course, though, he was in deep-set denial that he needed Ryan beyond in a raw, materialistic way, to fill the void like some kind of novelty to be greedily consumed. To try and prove that to himself, he resisted Ryan for so long that he convinced himself that what was driving him crazy was the lack of [i]sex[/i], which was ridiculous, but he tried to make that the reason he felt so empty up til the end, when he was moving into Ryan’s lap, into his arms, when Ryan’s hands fit so naturally around his waist. They fit like puzzle pieces. He couldn’t deny that any longer. So when Ryan openly confessed his feelings, Brendon just stared at him for a beat, didn’t even think. It turned out he didn’t need to. He just told Ryan the truth and, when seeing he was lost for words, leaned in to catch him in a passionate, amorous kiss, feeling every nerve in his body tighten and close before his muscles relaxed and he melted into where he belonged- right there, in Ryan’s lap, kissing him senseless. As he did, ridiculous images flashed through his head, waking up with the sun streaming through the curtains and his head buried in Ryan’s chest. Sitting against his chest between his legs watching some movie, Ryan quietly playing with his hair. Both of them lying on polar ends of the couch, legs intertwined as they did completely separate tasks. Sitting opposite eachother in a coffee shop, laughing about nothing, Brendon thinking about how Ryan’s eyes were kind of like a caramel macchiato or something ridiculous like that. It was embarrassing. It was beautiful.

He pulled back and stifled a smile when Ryan’s thumb moved to brush along his lower lip. His eyebrow twitched as he, usually smartassed and obnoxious, struggled to think of something to say. Ryan, of course, was still panicking, because that’s what he did. Though Brendon supposed he’d given him plenty reason to be wary. He thought about getting into a serious, in-depth conversation about this, which was entirely out of character, but then he realised that he hadn’t been dicked down in goddamn weeks and Ryan was right there, beneath him, they were both starving. As much as Ryan tried to hide it. So he offered a proposal, and Ryan didn’t say anything for a second- but in a moment he easily manoeuvred the two of them so they could be even closer, then caught Brendon off guard for once in a slower, punctuating, equally breathtaking kiss. He swore this shit only happened in cringey fucking romance novels. He swore this only happened in awful movies. 

But then they were out of breath and Ryan was at his neck and shoulder instead. Brendon didn’t even get his breath back, forgetting he’d been holding it. [i]You’re serious.[/i] Of course, dumbass. Of course. I’ve never meant something more in my life, I’m sorry it took so long, I’m sorry I spent so long falling into the tempting arms of the wrong people. You were right here this whole time, the only one for me.

It was baffling that Brendon didn’t realise he was in love.

[i]I like you so much. I do. You’re serious?[/i] Brendon couldn’t help but grin, finally exhaled and then inhaled, catching his lost breath and using the time to figure out what to say. [b]”Oh, yeah. I’m serious.”[/b] A pause. [b]”Can I just say I’m very impressed you haven’t started undressing me yet. I’m actually kind of offended.”[/b] ...Classic Brendon, there was only so much sincerity at a time that he could handle.