In the same way Brendon could read his tone, Ryan could read his body language, every tiny turn, every detail changed in his expression, so forth. He was a good actor, but he couldn’t control everything about him - and luckily, sometimes he didn’t even care enough to try and act. For example. As soon as Ryan spoke, Brendon dropped what he was doing, dropping to his height and standing still. Ryan took that as a pretty bad start. [i]Ryan, darlin’?[/i] He turned and leaned against the counter, and Ryan studied his face, the edge that directly contradicted his deceivingly patient tone. Yeah, he really didn’t want to have this conversation, suddenly, knew exactly how it’d pan out and how much Brendon wouldn’t like him for however long of a time, and when Brendon didn’t like him life was kind of the worst. First of all he was still employed right here in this apartment, even if their relationship was, uh, otherwise complicated. So his job became a lot more awkward. Most importantly, Ryan sort of enjoyed having a loving boyfriend, and Brendon became passive-aggressive and avoidant when Ryan was being his biggest problem.

Ryan had barely begun and already Brendon’s eyebrows were up, unamused, and maybe his word choice was not the best. Self-concious suddenly, and worried about whatever the response would be, Ryan turned his gaze into his coffee, like he could dive in and hide in his mug. Alas, all he could do was shrink down more in person, sleeves curled in to his fingers, raising his shoulders closer to his ears. He could feel Brendon’s gaze. Yeah, he definitely wasn’t a fan of Ryan right now - Ryan imagined he was no longer ‘my sweet boyfriend’ but ‘my annoying assistant.’ Man. And to think he’d graduated that role. [i]Jesus, not this again. Ryan, I’m fine. Look at me.[/i] Ryan deliberately did not look at him. He wasn’t, like, [i]scared,[/i] but he felt bad bringing anything up like this. It felt too pointed, too much like he was attacking Brendon’s lifestyle, and he never meant disrespect - he just worried, maybe a little too much. [i]Do I look like an alcoholic or whatever you think I am? Fuck.[/i] [b]”I didn’t say that,”[/b] he mumbled, reserved, and pursed his lips as he pulled his coffee closer to him, hovering over the warmth.

[i]Fuck off.[/i] Ryan glanced up again as he turned around, watched him crumple over the counter, feeling guiltier by the second. Not guilty enough to leave him alone about it, but enough not to snap right back at him for being on the defensive. [i]I don’t need to. I want to.[/i] [b]”Okay, either way, it’s not good for you, and you know it. You haven’t seen you when you’re fucked up - you haven’t had to take care of you. It’s bad, baby.”[/b] It felt like a moot argument when Brendon was this adamant on not hearing him out. He could’ve started this out better, probably. Brendon turned and he redirected his gaze again, dropping his head and lifting one hand to cradle it. [i]Just leave me alone about it, alright?[/i] Tempting offer. But, he wasn’t going to, as much as he disliked this confrontation so far. 

[i]You know what’s [/i]scary. [i]You’re just like goddamn [/i]Shane. Ryan stopped looking into his coffee, straightening up slowly and looking at Brendon, meeting his gaze finally. [i]Trying to motherfucking control me, it’s fucking bullshit.[/i] Yeah, suddenly, he did want to leave Brendon alone about it, if he was going to say such stupid things right to his face. Obviously he didn’t mean it, but it was still annoying that [i]that[/i] was the defense that came out of his mouth. Ryan was sitting upright now, moving to fold his hands in his lap, tilting his head curiously at Brendon. [b]”I think you wanna try that again,”[/b] he said carefully after a long pause, his own gaze challenging Brendon now, all the guilt he’d felt about bringing this up gone. He had a right to a conversation about it, he thought, and one that didn’t involve him being compared to Brendon’s abusive ex.

[b]”I’m not sure what’s worse, Bren. That you don’t give a fuck about your health, or that you believe me showing genuine concern about it [i]for you[/i] could even vaguely be compared to anything that asshole did.”[/b] Ryan set his jaw, turning his head until all that could be seen was his profile, then drank his coffee resignedly, deciding this was all a little too petty for his tastes. [b]”So should I leave now, or do you want to correct that mistake? I don’t want anyone [i]just like Shane[/i] to be near you, so if I do leave, I may as well not come back for a while.”[/b] Yeah, he didn’t even want to look at him - but he still stared on unrelentingly, waiting for Brendon to possibly come to his senses.