As much as this was beginning to become mortifying, with Ryan outing him as the ‘submissive’ one (he wasn’t embarrassed because of a masculinity thing, he had just upheld a ‘fuckboy’ type personality that suggested otherwise and his ego was way too big to handle Zack of all people knowing that he- it was difficult to explain), Brendon really couldn’t be that mad. When he got close to it just for a second, he forced himself to think about times that Ryan had relayed to him where he’d been [i]filthy[/i] when he was drunk. For example, talking about Ryan’s [i]dick size[/i], [i]loudly[/i], in a bar full of [i]strangers[/i], or the time he had launched into a very explicit monologue about exactly what Ryan’s hands were good for. He supposed they were now even. It was very eye-opening being in the shoes that Ryan was usually in- looking after his wasted boyfriend and trying to make sure he didn’t throw up all over himself [i]and [/i]keep things PG while in public. God, if Ryan was like this in a car with two other people- Brendon was simultaneously terrified and excited to find out what the hell he’d do when a) he identified Brendon as his his god-given ‘bottom’ and b) they were alone.

In a desperate attempt to save himself from torture and physical harm from Zack the next day, Brendon started pleading with Ryan in a strained voice, but clearly he was having none of it, cutting right through his protests. [i]And you saw his[/i] mouth, [i]right?[/i] Brendon paled. He already knew where this was going but knew he was powerless to stop whatever horrendously graphic shit that was about to come out (admittedly very slurred) of Ryan’s mouth. [i]I can’t describe it, like, he’s an[/i] experience. Brendon raised his eyebrows- even if Ryan had said he couldn’t describe it, in this loose-tongued state, he knew almost for certain that he’d try his damnedest to get his point across. Still. Mortification aside, this was all very flattering. At least now Brendon had a vivid insight into what the hell was going on inside Ryan’s head whenever he looked at Brendon while he was undressing. Evidently it was a fucking lot. Enlightening. [i]When I kiss him, I just... I can sink into him, I get so lost in it.[/i]

Despite himself, Brendon betrayed how touching that was with a soft smile, because he knew exactly what Ryan was talking about- when they kissed, it felt like the first time every time, as cliche and corny as that sounded, be it a kiss on the forehead in the morning, an affectionate peck on the cheek, a brief ‘hello’ ‘goodbye’ ‘good morning’ or ‘goodnight’ kiss, a romantic kiss on the back of a hand; a deep, slow, passionate kiss in the dark, intimate neck kisses and lips tracing skin and bone. Every one was electrifying in its own way. [i]I could kiss him forever.[/i] Mhm. This was dangerous, Brendon was becoming too endeared with the man who was painting an intricate picture of his sex life to two people who definitely didn’t want to know. He was finding it difficult not to lean in and attempt to steal a kiss again, drawn in by some magnetic force. It was sweet, Ryan was sweet. Maybe this wasn’t all bad. [i]And he is,[/i] undoubtedly, [i]the best at sucking dick, like, of anyone, ever.[/i]

Maybe he spoke too soon. [b]”[i]Ryan-“[/i][/b] He tried to interrupt explosively, his voice increasing pitch desperately. Holy fucking shit, that did [i]not [/i]need to be public knowledge, as cocky as Ryan instantly was about Ryan’s confession there. He’d be holding that over his head for a long time. [b]”Ryan, fucking hell, man.”[/b] There was no point trying to stop this anymore, he supposed, it’d be better to wait it out, let him get out every dirty thought he had stored in his stupid little brain. Brendon slumped shamefully against the window and made eye contact with Zack in the rear view mirror, pleading, while Zack looked a mixture of threatening and amused. [i]Sometimes it’s hard to not look at him and think about how perfect his mouth is for-[/i] Zack was clearly not giving up yet, clearing his throat loudly. [i]For blowing me.[/i] That was it. That was enough. If Ryan said any more he’d be giving an audio description of their non-existent sex tape. Brendon pushed his hair back and turned to face Ryan, trying to convince him that he was, in fact, next to his smoking hot lover.

He watched as Ryan tried to orientate himself, tried to get a good look at Brendon’s face- he even didn’t raise his eyebrows when Ryan was placing his hands on the sides of his face as if trying to hold it still when he wasn’t even moving, though he did crack the barest smile because his boyfriend was so ridiculous and cute when he was this drunk. He couldn’t wait to witness him nurse that hell of a hangover the next morning. There was a long pause and Brendon was scared Ryan had gotten sudden amnesia of him entirely- but then recognition lit up in his honey eyes and Brendon grinned just as he saw Ryan’s entire body become animated with excitement. [i]Oh my god,[/i] Brendon, [i]baby.[/i] Relief flooded through Brendon and he opened his mouth to speak but was stopped before he could forms words by his very affectionate boyfriend literally undoing his seatbelt and straddling his lap in a space that definitely wasn’t big enough. Though it wasn’t like he could voice that opinion when Ryan’s tongue was down his throat- plus he didn’t want to encourage anything by kissing back so he pressed back against the seat insistently. 

[i]I missed you[/i] so much, [i]I was just talking about you.[/i] Brendon tried to catch his breath once Ryan had finally pulled away from his mouth, started pressing kisses elsewhere that skin was exposed. [b]”Were you really, that’s fuckin’ wild,””[/b] He said dryly, [b]”Nothin’ too personal, yeah, babe?”[/b] Honestly, Brendon wasn’t sure he’d ever be able to have sex with Ryan again without thinking about how Zack and some driver know way too much about what happens during. [i]Bren, hey, you should [/i] totally [i]blow me. [/i] See, usually, it was extremely rare that Brendon turned down this request, but a number of things made it seem very unappealing to him right then. First of all, Zack didn’t seem enthusiastic- [i]If you even touch it, I’m quitting.[/i] [b]”It’s not like you haven’t seen it before, dude.”[/b] He mumbled just for the sake of arguing. But anyway. Apart from that, there wasn’t much room. And Brendon was tired. And Ryan would probably fall asleep in the middle of it. And they were in a fucking [i]car[/i] with two other people. Ryan chose the worst times. [b]”As much as I’d love to, darlin’. Zack wouldn’t be happy.”[/b]