[u][b]Review of ThiefOnAGoose's Dervan Brovan[/b][/u]
[list][*] Good grammar isn’t required, the OoC section is just as much for other players as it is for the GMs. A player that doesn’t like going above two paragraphs per post and who doesn’t care overmuch about grammar probably won’t have all that much interest in collaborating with someone that prefers twelve paragraphs or more.

Oh, and your evil laughter? Far too short. Clearly.

[*] Pureblood percentage: Essentially all imperial humans have some Sith pureblood ancestry, but generally only those with relatively close ancestors have visible traits. Most only have a few percent.

[*] Rank: Ruby sent you something on that.

[*] While not required, it would be nice to have numbers for height and such in metric units too.

Interesting that you brought in allergies…

[*]Suggestion: Replace the arachnophobia with a phobia-like fear of something more likely to be encountered. Perhaps mynocks? Or perhaps Nexu. Or perhaps nexu is reasonable to be afraid of.
If you chose something like mynocks you could have him get violent towards them if possible, going out of his way to harm them?
Mind you, these are only suggestions.

[*] Suggestion: nationalistic zeal → Excessive zeal and disobedience

[*] Dromund Kaas is the planet, the city is simply Kaas City.

[*] Suggestion: Add something to failures about his unsuitability for command?

[*] Something feels off about the interview… It feels incomplete. We also doubt that someone second in their class would be granted the rank of private.
Also, it doesn’t say all that much about him. Perhaps add a couple of other sections about him (not necessarily related to the first)?
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