[quote=@NorthernKraken] So, I appreciate the in depth critique in like, a really big way, and the time you took to look over everyone's work, [i]but[/i] I do think you've misunderstood my, err, entire concept a little, so I figured I'd do a little explaining in order to clarify the relation to the prompt. So yeah, her father is the fallen hero in this case. Throughout a lot of her childhood, he was the 'good parent' (where the mother complex comes in), and now that she's older he helped her a lot with more practical stuff, like rent and food money. But, he also had issues with alcohol, and was generally irresponsible - something that Jenny didn't really notice due to being a kid. This is hinted at in the section at the pub, and where she's reflecting on the differences between her father and her mother. She didn't see these flaws because, y'know he was her dad and she thought he was great, until he killed someone in a drunk driving incident (the guy who's funeral she rather voyeuristically tags along to). Which idk seems pretty 'villainous' to me? It's about mourning a personal loss, yes, but it's also about that realisation that even the most important and influential figures in our lives are, ultimately, human beings, and capable of doing really awful things and causing profound tragedy. And not just on the large scale - but in the small scale - that feeling at the end that he let [i]her[/i] down, too, just by not being there, when she'd always thought he would be. Edit: Also thought it would be worth mentioning, but I did actually run the idea of a child realising their parent isn't the hero they once thought past Frizan, and whilst it did morph slightly since then, I was essentially given the go ahead. [/quote] So the father slowly became an alcoholic and caused an accident? Is that villainous? Sounds more like an unfortunate tragedy. A flawed character isn't really a villain who thinks he's a hero. He didn't do it on purpose and it doesn't seem like anything evil was done for a sense of self righteousness. So, I might have missed that implication. I guess the element felt really downplayed if he was supposed to become a bad character through his alcoholism. Probably because he wasn't the focal character. It also seems like he hit someone no one cared about? (If that was just the main character's perspective, that exchange seemed like the least "good" action in the story.) Yeah even with that explanation, that still really doesn't sound like it fits the prompt. Especially because I was under the impression that you were supposed to follow that character. And really if you wanted to show the father become the bad guy, he should have been the focal point character, so you would have been able to see the daughter's rose-tinted glasses and why the mother thought he was a manchild. And seeing that character struggle and thoughts and being from a perspective of someone going to the afterlife, it probably would've made a better focal character an angsty teen/adult. My two cents anyway. Like I said I thought the story was fine. And to be fair you weren't the only one whose story I thought was a little loose on the prompt. So it probably won't matter too much in the end. I'm thankful that you give me feedback. Good luck. :3