Okay! So! Here are my critiques :) I didn't go into too much detail, because personally I don't find nitpicking to be particularly helpful, especially in contests like these with a time limit, where [i]no one[/i] is going to be able to produce a perfectly polished, perfectly edited piece of work. That said, if anyone's planning to develop their work further and wants more in depth, sentence level feedback, hmu and I'll be happy to give my two cents :) 

So, in the order that I opened my reviews up in google docs (because ranking is [i]also[/i] unhelpful imho) - 

[hider= Ash and Tyrants]I, for one, really enjoyed your story.
 
I really love your use of language, it’s easy to understand, yet you create a very crisp, clear image with a sense of mystery. That said, your sentence structure seems a little abrupt at the start. I’m not sure if this was a deliberate stylistic choice or not, but it might be worth considering jujjing things up, especially in periods with lots of description, where it felt a little clangy :/ (idk If you know what I mean lol)
 
 You might want to vary your word choice a little too – as the repetition of the word ‘ash’ started to get a little grating after a while as it didn’t seem to be something done for effect. Another note, and probably one that could have been avoided with a little more proof reading, is consistency with your pronouns – you switch between it and he a fair few times.
 
The beginning and end were far stronger than the middle, which was, in my opinion, a little info dump-y. I think you did a great job setting up atmosphere to begin with, and then the ending and the whole idea of erasing history was something I found deeply interesting, but I must admit, I kinda skim-read the middle. This might be an issue of personal taste – I know some people are really into this sort of straight world-building, but I don’t think it made for a great short story. It probably would’ve been great as a larger piece, or even if you maybe interspersed your lore-drops with your framing device. But again, I was much more invested in your framing device, and wanted to know who this figure was, and what exactly they were doing, as opposed to a ton of worldbuilding.
 
 I did really like those parts though. The amount of atmosphere you built up was deeply engaging, and really, I think that’s probably where the epistolary section fell short – you didn’t take us there, which after the loving detail you poured into the setup, was a little disappointing. I wanted more of that slow-burn, quiet, reflective atmosphere! I did like it though =) 

[/hider]

[hider= Blood on The Rocks ]Overall, I think your story, whilst a little rough around the edges, was generally an enjoyable read, and had a great twist that, ‘landed’ really well =) 

I’m gonna be honest, the first thing that struck me was your formatting. It’s not a big deal, but I personally found it very difficult to read, and had to copy and paste it into Word to be able to. I’m guessing what you did was type it up on Word and then just copy and paste into the guild or something to that effect? Which, nothing wrong with that, but I’d seriously recommend taking the time to go and and extra space between paragraphs if you do that. Doesn’t take too long, and it’ll make your work just that little bit easier to read. 

 In general, I found a lot of your sentence structures to be a little awkward, which, combined with your at times obscure (e.g. gloaming, which, call me uncultured, I had to google) word choice, made for a more difficult read than I think it could’ve been. I’m going to give you the benefit of the doubt and maybe put this down to difficulties proofreading, but if not, this is definitely an area I think you could benefit from working on. 

 That said, loved some of your imagery - especially that bit of mirroring at the end, with the water looking like blood and there actually [i]being[/i] blood, I thought it was really clever and well thought through. In general, I quite liked your foreshadowing - like the bit where she’s staring at his mouth (that was the real ‘oh shit!’ moment for me). I liked your use of an unreliable narrator - you take full advantage of the first person perspective, and it works really well to give the reader that dawning sense of horror that I think is probably your story’s biggest strength.  Horror is a difficult genre, even for more visceral mediums like film, nevermind prose, but I think you did a great job, so well done.

[/hider]

[hider= Phantom Visions] I didn’t like this, sorry. And I’m not trying to be petty, I had some very genuine concerns. 

I’m probably going to be quite harsh, if only because you clearly want in depth critique if the things you mentioned are accurate, and because, if your self-critique is anything to go by, you haven’t taken a very critical view of your own writing, and it’s clearly meant to be a finished product. 

 I feel like you were far to focused on ‘wordplay’ as you call it and trying to sound clever as opposed to actually writing with clarity. A lot of your wording feels clunky, and it did not make for a smooth read. You said a lot of things that didn’t really seem to mean anything beyond you thinking it sounded cool, which then only serve to confuse the reader.

 I feel like your story had some rather… [i]unfortunate[/i] implications, particularly regarding rape/sexual assault, and mental illness which, I’m going to be honest, [i]really[/i] rubbed me the wrong way, something not helped by your self-commentary. 

 Let’s start with the mental illness aspect. So. You made it very clear in our earlier discussion that you were aiming to create a black and white villain. The narrative also makes it fairly clear that your narrator is supposed to be evil toward the end. The main thing driving this villainy however, is what appears to be some form of psychosis (not a psychologist, just somebody bothered by inaccurate and stigmatising portrayals of mental illness in the media.). Based off the incredibly diminutive comments in your self ‘critique’, and the genuinely bizarre symptom presentation, I’m going to assume you’ve done very little research in preparation for this portrayal, which I think really takes a lot away from your story’s quality. 
 
 Your decision to have your character ‘go mad’ instantly reduces your character’s motivation to one of incredibly inaccurate biology, as opposed to the more complex ideology you seemed to be setting us up for in the beginning. Personally, I’m fascinated by what it is that makes people do bad things. Often the reasoning is complex, built up from years of societal pressures, personality aspects, and upbringing. Even where mental illness [i]is[/i] involved (which, in reality, it most often isn’t), other factors most always come into play. By blaming your character’s wrongdoing almost entirely on his psychosis, you miss out on the opportunity to explore the far more interesting ideas at play. 

Aside from the poor storytelling, I feel like it should go without saying that equating mental illness with evil is incredibly dubious.  

Now… the… err, the rape subplot -_- 

 I was unimpressed, to say the least. In all honesty, I don’t even want to discuss this aspect of your work, because quite frankly it made my stomach turn. 

 The damage done by rape is not to a woman’s reputation. It is not to her intrinsic value. It is not to her ‘honour’ or other such medieval nonsense. 

 It is the utter [i]horror[/i] of having someone violently rip away that most intimate part of yourself, of having any sense of bodily autonomy, of choice, of strength, stripped away in the barest instant.  

 Any modern work using a rape subplot in order to further the development of a character [i]other[/i] than the victim? Just… best not. If you don’t have time to treat the subject with the proper care and attention it [i]needs[/i], you’re much better off just not including it. And if you feel the need to fall back on lazy cliches such as ‘white flowers being symbolic of purity’, then really this isn’t a topic you should be touching with a barge pole.

 The implication that a woman who was been raped is no longer ‘pure’... just… no. That’s [i]incredibly[/i] offensive to survivors, who frequently struggle with the idea of having been ‘ruined’ or being ‘dirty’ because of their experience. Virginity and rape have [i]nothing[/i] to do with each other. Rape is just as traumatic to someone who has had fifty sexual partners as it is to someone who’s had none. Rape is deeply traumatising, and something that at least some of your readers doubtless have personal experience with, yet here you are, using it as a cheap sub plot which is a) quickly forgotten about, and b) seems to serve little narrative purpose.

I’m going to give you the benefit of the doubt and assume you were genuinely unaware of these implications. But still, I feel like your work would greatly benefit from even the barest amount of research if you are going to be touching upon such delicate subjects as these. If you are putting your work up to be seen, you need to be wary of the fact that your readers [i]will[/i] have had different life experiences to you, and may find portrayals such as these to be quite upsetting, and not in a good way.  
[/hider]

[hider= The Woman in Red]I thought this was an interesting and creative take on the prompt, and you did a great job creating a sense of mystery and intrigue. I liked your use of language too, and you did a great job creating strong, contrasting senses of atmosphere in all three sections of your work in a relatively small space, which was great =) 

 I would’ve liked to know more about Dahlia and why she does the things she does, as I don’t feel like it was particularly clear from the story presented. The way she related to the other characters in your story seemed to be given more attention, and those relations were interesting, but I didn’t really get a strong sense of who she was through them. I think this probably could’ve been remedied had we gotten to spend a little more time with her, but I guess that’s probably more due to practical constraints than anything else. 

 Overall, a strong, original concept with some good writing - but I would deffo like to know more!
[/hider]

[hider= The Inevitability of The Throne] Ooh, I thought this was very interesting, and I loved that twist ending (I won’t spoil for anyone yet to read it =P). I thought you took a creative approach to the prompt, and I really felt for Lyra - you made an interesting and complex protagonist and did a good job of getting me invested, and it paid off at the end. I wanted to route for her, and was genuinely surprised at the end, although at the same time I was like ‘of [i]course[/i] she did that’ - always a good sign! 

 Areas where I think you could improve would perhaps be giving it another couple of passes over at the proofreading stage. Personally, I find that you’re best able to proofread if you give yourself at least a week between editing and writing - you’re less attached to the writing, and more likely to notice awkward phrasing or overly complex sentence structures that make your writing more difficult to get through. I did like the approach you took to descriptions though, and Lyra’s perspective and the details she chose to focus on enhanced both her character, the story, and the general sense of atmosphere, so good job!
[/hider]

[hider= The Tale of The Hero of Ostagon]Your story was well structured, and had good bones, and you presented an interesting narrative exploring the theme of corruption. It’s an interesting quandary, one that real world politics often struggles with - ‘at what point does trying to protect people start to hurt them?’, and I liked the fact that you chose to present this struggle from the point of view of a town guard, as opposed to someone with real power like a king or something. 

That said, I feel like you included a lot of unnecessary information in your opening. I felt more like I was reading what someone’s OOC or CS as opposed to a short story. The core of your story is Sir Morgan, yet we don’t meet him until over half way through. I know that world building can be fun, and it sometimes feels like we need the reader to understand [i]exactly[/i] how we’re picturing something, but sometimes you need to trust your readers to fill in the blanks. If your setting is a prosperous merchant town with a town guard, that’s all we need to know for the story to still make sense and your meaning to get across. The impression of a place is usually more important than the fine details (the exception to this, of course, being in RP, where it’s important people are on the same page). 

Overall though, your writing was clear and understandable, and your narrative was well focused. I think you did a good job, so well done :) 

[/hider]

[hider= Searching for Paradise]I liked this :) I think you made great use of the epistolary format - really giving us a look inside the character’s head, and developing a reasonably strong sense of voice to match. It wasn’t any longer than it needed to be, and you didn’t deliver overtly complex exposition, instead trusting the reader to fill in any unimportant details themselves. 

 I enjoyed the theme of ‘what happens to soldiers in peacetime?’ it’s an oldie but a goodie. One note that I’d like to make is that I personally found myself connecting to your character on more of an intellectual level than an emotional one. Whilst you had a great throughline, and a strong arc that was easy to track from start to finish, I think perhaps fleshing out your narrator a little more and maybe making the ending a little more subtle could have helped your story resonate more with me personally (although this is a very personal thing, so others may have had a different response).

 In summary, whilst the emotional impact of your story could perhaps have been helped by rounding out your character a little more, I think you delivered a strong, clear narrative that followed clearly from start to finish and left the reader with something to think about.
[/hider]

 I genuinely wish I could vote for more than one lol, and it was a tough choice, but I'm gonna go with [@gowia] because I found the protagonist to be interesting, and the take on the prompt comparatively original (also it made me feel things)