[@Archangel89]

[hider=Review of Ikarus]
So, let us step through this review piece by piece. I'm aware that we have had some substantial private communications, but keep in mind that the Character Sheet (and the wiki article derived from it after approval) is what everyone will be looking at when they need information about your character.

The appearance is decent, but lacks overall scale. Ikarus could be anything from 2 metres to 200 metres from your description. I know you have an idea for scale, so it would be nice to let everyone else know what that scale is.

You've sorted out a parentage. This is good. We don't have any comments there.

Now, Mana. We have been looking for a god of magic, this is true, but it is important that any implementations of a demigod of magic are done properly and fairly. We like how you are establishing a system which is open to public use and is general enough to support a broad framework of magic systems. The link between Mana and charisma is particularly flavoursome. However, there are some aspects that need to be addressed and clarified in your CS.

- Remove the link between Mana and godly power. Gods function independently of Mana. Some godly actions might use Mana, but they don't have to. Gods would still have the power to wield more Mana than non-gods.
- Make clear that Ikarus is merely [i]a[/i] source of Mana (albeit a big one), rather than [i]the[/i] source of Mana.
- We would rather the 'Mana cannot be created or destroyed' clause be relaxed. Having a fixed quantity of Mana in the entire universe has implications which might be troublesome. And from an IC perspective it would be nigh impossible to verify conservation of Mana on a universal scale.
- Indicate what different 'forms' of Mana means.
- Describe how Mana is used to cast spells.
- Indicate what Mana can actually be used for. 'Magic' is an ill-defined term. 'Virtually anything' (within limits and given adequate skill, knowledge and Mana) is a valid answer, by the way, but it is currently not clear from your CS.
- Put all of your descriptions of Ikarus' Portfolio-related powers in the Portfolio section.

In general, we'd like some clarity and conciseness. Currently the CS has the description of Mana and the Mana Portfolio split between the Portfolio section and the Persona section. You are attempting to define a new universal force. You must be precise, clear and comprehensive in your description, because the player base will tear a hole in every fault and gap you leave in your written description.

Regarding "Mana ... gives him unbelievable power in the form of raw magic", I'll comment that all gods (and demigods) wield unimaginable and unbelievable power. Having a broad Portfolio simply distributes that power around more evenly (and thus more weakly), rather than being specialised in a single field. You probably already know this, but I wanted to repeat it just so there is no confusion.

I will also note that granting magic powers typically falls under "2 Might: Confer a single extraordinary or powerful ability upon a species or set of people", "1 Might: Teach people an idea or technology" or (for single people) "1 Might: Censure or praise." This is just for your information so you know where teaching magic fits into the Might mechanics.

Now, the Personality. You've picked a solid archetype to build a character around. A keeper of balance should give you plenty of plot-fodder and potential conflict to have, so I feel that Ikarus will have enough inter-personal plot to keep things interesting on that front. How Ikarus bestows the right to rule by granting tangible magical powers which can be used to help legitimise their rule (by force or otherwise) rather than some sort of vague 'you're a leader now' is also a positive, since leadership skills and qualities are abstract and complicated and full of interpersonal interactions. A mortal who receives Ikarus' blessing still has to work to be a good king.

There is an issue with this: "Ikarus is the definition of commanding. Mortals fall completely under his sway while his peers and superiors acknowledge him." Even having mere mortals fall 'completely under his sway' automatically is beyond the capabilities of demigods (and even, to an extent, gods) without spending MP on some kind of ability or aura. Note that Mana as defined is too broad to have a significant free boost to Ikarus' ability to command mortals; Mana is magic first, charisma second as I see it. And note that there are many major mortal player characters (in a player-driven RP like this one, one could argue that NPCs don't exist, only major/minor/background characters). As Mutton said, players are free to have their characters respond to Ikarus however they like. As such, you might like to tone down this part slightly to seem less like mind-control and more like being charismatic.

We have a good start for a personality, but if I take out all the bits which should actually be in the Portfolio section not much is left besides being regal and acting as a judge of kings. We've got his core values, which is good, but overall the personality is still rather brief. Can we get some mannerisms? Can we get some flaws? Some secondary character traits? Do not tack on bits and pieces for the sake of tacking on bits and pieces, because you won't play those. Rather consider how to expand Ikarus to be a more rounded character. If you want some personal suggestions/prompts: Power corrupts, and Ikarus has tonnes of power. How does he cope with it? Ikarus has a clear ideology for what a king should be like. How rigid are these ideals? Ikarus claims to be a king. How does he respond to those who don't respect his title? We understand that it is unreasonable (and possibly counter-productive) to have every single facet of your character defined from the beginning, but it would be nice to see some evidence of character depth and room to develop.

Overall, the concept is good. It just needs some refining and redrafting before we approve it. Post your next version of the CS here when ready, and don't hesitate to contact us if you want to discuss anything further.
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