There was a shift in the air of the prison, and the silence seemed to move and quiver. The darkness bent in on itself and gave way to color, first producing hues of blue and then finally shifting to orange fuzz that dissipated back into colorless blackness. It was time. A threat to surpass metal gear was on the rise, and should it be left unchecked all children will be gotten by the dark side of gettening.

Phil, mustering his mightiest roar, let loose a terrifying mewl - much like the most ferocious gerbil you've ever seen - and broke loose from his licorice shackles. The guards at the door opened the peek hole to see a raging Phil beginning to tear away at the gingerbread walls. [i]What an idiot.[/i] They thought. [i]He'll never break through those walls, they're dummy thicc.[/i]

But then the guards realized he had broken free from his shackles, and barged through the cell door to find Phil had somehow magically disappeared into thin air. "What is this? Magic? Did he just disappear into thin air?" One of the two guards inquired, to which the other replied. "Phil? Magic? Listen to yourself, you sound crazy. Kinda like... Phil." The second guard stopped, turning to his companion and drawing his maraca mace from his side and threatening to be really annoying. 

"You're not Phil, are you?! Where were you when he broke free a minute ago?!" He demanded, sweat beading up on the forehead plate of his helmet. The first guard smacked the maraca mace out of the second's hand, severely hurting himself as the weapon rattled to the floor with a deafening thunk. "I can't be Phil you fig-muffin-butt-face! I was outside with you! You were right there! My god... you're almost as dumb as... Phil..." He said, coming to a sudden realization.

"Flabbergasted shiznit! I left my ye olde fire pit burning at my ye olde homestead! My waifu is gonna make me do the tide-pod challenge, I just know it..." He spoke in a worried tone, before coming to a sudden realization. "Wait a gosh-darned second, [i]you're[/i] not Phil are you?! Oh, it's the perfect disguise! Pretend to be a guard outside the cell you're supposed to be locked away in, and then blame the other guard when you try to break out so that you're then free to walk right out of here. It's genius!" He exclaimed, drawing his invisible bazooka from his back and aiming as his now ex-best friend.

Putting his hands in the air and fearing for his life, the all too recently unfriended guard pleaded with the other. "Wait, no, you got it all wrong! I'm not Phil! And besides, you'll blow us all up if you're not careful! Everybody knows that gingerbread amplifies explosions from invisible bazookas! Please! Just be reasonable for a second!" He pleaded like a lil bitch.

But his friend, now equally a bitch, conceded to the filthy beggars plea. He lowered his invisible bazooka and looked down at the floor, and that's when he noticed it. Scratched into the floor were the letters K, L, O, P, U - which spelt Klopu. Of course! He was a notorious sentient cinnamon bun wanted in over five territories, so he must've helped Phil escape!

Or... no... wait... it actually spelled "look up". The guard released an audible "oh", with a surprised pikachu face plastered on his helm at the sight of what he saw once he saw it in himself to see what could be seen on the ceiling, and what he saw was what he had seen to be seen and simultaneously sawed. It was the seeing of this thing to be seen that saw the next series of events that would be seen through by all those who saw what was happening and could see it unfold as if they saw it with their own two seeing eyes.

Phil clung to the ceiling, his head turned 180 degrees to observe the two guards below him. Upon being discovered he REEEEd loudly and dropped down upon them from the side, tackling both to the ground. Phil's massive size and weight threatened to crush the cotton balls and pixie dust right out of them, but they survi- what? Of course they're human what kind of stupid question is that? What? What the hell do you mean "humans aren't stuffed with cotton balls and pixie dust"? Of course they are! Did you not take Anatomy 1337 in graduate school? No? Yeah, who's the smart one now bitch?! Not you, that's who! [i]Call me Burnie Sandburns cause you just got INCINERATED![/i]

Now that that loser got his ass pwned, let's get back to the good stuff. Where was I... ah! Yes, Phil tackled the guards from beneath and wrestled both to the ground. The two midget knights could do very little to stop Phil's advances, and so he bumped faceplates with them just as he made kissy noises to lull them into a very real sense of shame. Then he tickled them vigorously only to make matters worse. He had been trapped for so long. So very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very long. And it was finally time to cash that check.

Grabbing the maraca mace and invisible bazooka from his incapacited would-be cell guards, Phil rushed out of his cell and into the hallway - ducking through the little door lest he bump his wittle head and get a booboo. What he saw on the other side, however, was a labyrinth of colored plastic play tunnels.

Today was going to be a tough day.