[@Byrd Man]

As requested:

[h3][u]First Post:[/u][/h3]
Aside from minor mistakes and some diction choices - some repeating words and phrases in close proximity that disrupt the flow - I don't have many comments on the writing itself. Really, I'd just suggest as I have for everyone to thoroughly proofread your posts out loud. These sorts of things would be caught most of the time with just that much effort. 

It's a nice introduction to your story. Relatively short, but providing us with enough backdrop to keep things appealing. I enjoy the portrayal of Grendel; their quick, brutal efficiency is just what I like to see in villains who prefer getting close-and-personal. Though, I suppose "villain" may not be apt depending on their full motives. Which you teased but left open enough to keep me interested. I find myself more drawn to the '23 perspective as it feels like there's a larger mystery there, and, at the moment, seems to have more of a story to unfold. But, of course, I fully expect that to change as things progress.

I do wish, however, you had clarified what SMP was before using the abbreviation. I know it's the Shanghai Municipal Police based on your character proposal, but these sorts of things should always be established in the actual posts themselves. Especially when it's something that most people wouldn't be familiar with on a general basis.

[h3][u]Second Post:[/u] [/h3]
So, the Shadow is a Jedi. Got it. Mind tricks abound.

Several mistakes throughout that, I believe, stem from past versions of the post. Things that weren't caught during revisions, but stick out when reading through. Again, just vocal proofreading to make sure you get all these each time you change something.

It wouldn't be a Byrd arc without handling controversial, real-world topics. 

I feel like you make your posts very streamlined, if that makes sense, in the sense that you keep things brief and to the point in most cases. While this is certainly not a bad thing, it does have the tendency to sometimes make them seem like there's less for us as readers to digest. Though, maybe this is just your preference in an attempt to leave us wanting more.

[hr]
I'd like to see some more introspection from some of the recurring POVs, but so far it's nothing that detracts from your writing. Just a personal taste. I like how you're balancing the past and present currently, giving each its fair due to keep your readers wanting more.

If it weren't for the slip-ups and repetition, you'd have a really solid flow going on. It's easy to get lost in and appreciate your story, for the most part.

I don't have much more feedback for you at this time as both posts were relatively short in content, and there aren't as many noticeable disruptions in flow here. But as your posts continue I'm sure I'll have more to say.