[b]Personnel Files:[/b] What is “Sith-Human”? Do you mean Sith Pureblood? Imperial Human? Given the Sith ancestry percentage listed, her species would most likely be the former. While not “wrong” per se, it is unusual for an apprentice of her age to have delved into three spheres of influence enough to be considered “associated” with them. Most Sith tend to only start branching out considerably later in life, when they have more influence and experience. [b]Appearance[/b] It generally takes a lot of Force Lightning to leave visible marks on the body. Or a lot of electricity for that matter. As burns go, electric burns are the least visible kind. Perhaps replace the source with something more technological? Something like an energy beam, a plasma torch or somesuch? She should probably have at least latent hallmarks of her Sith ancestry, well beyond the sharply defined cheekbones. Some options could be: Cheek tendrils, bone spurs, “sithy” collarbones, etc. [b]Force[/b] Would it be a problem to write a bit of a descriptive bit on her use of the Force in addition to the nice list? What sort of style does she favor? Is there anything she avoids doing? You misspelled “crucitorn”. [b]Non-Force[/b] Descriptive text would be nice here too, so that a better impression of what the character is like comes across. [b]Combat & Lightsaber[/b] Presuming she uses standard-hilt saber? It isn’t specified. Like the previous two sections, a bit of a description would be very nice. It seems quite unusual to innate talent for such a wide range of lightsaber forms. We’d recommend shaking it up a bit and adjusting some of those talents over to just training. Probably for the less well-trained forms primarily, but we’d also recommend talking out the lightsaber stuff with Echo. [b]Influence[/b] Being an apprentice of Embrus, she will have some influence due to his being a Darth, but you could perhaps specify that virtually all her influence comes through him. Perhaps invent a couple of (really) minor folks that she has influence with, probably from her primary or secondary sphere. Even a regular ol’ army sergeant, corporal or such can be an asset, even if he or she cannot exactly change imperial policy or anything like that. For that matter, a friendship with a good cook can come in handy as influence. Don’t think solely about influence with major figures. Plus, such characters might give other players something to work with (or against). [b]Rivals[/b] Is any of these four more important as rivalries go? Verification: the lost limbs is the rivals losing said limbs, right? [b]Underlings/Associates[/b] See the influence point, that overlaps with this one. [b]Ownerships[/b] Which academy, the less-used one on Dromund Kaas, the one on Korriban or some other? The resettlement of Korriban is still in a fairly early stage, so there isn’t much in the way of civilians living there. Especially not next to the Academy. She owns [i]nothing[/i] except those three things? Really? Is her master [i]that[/i] stingy with her? From the ownerships, it feels more like she’s a neophyte or acolyte than a full-fledged Sith. [b]Psychology[/b] Not much to say on this section. A bit short, but concise. Perhaps build up a bit to show how her flaws affect her personality? [b]Flaws[/b] How is she observant in spite of her partial extreme focus? If it is counteracted like that, why is it even a flaw listed? What is she possessive of? Her few belongings? Clothes? The non-existent associates/underlings? Knowledge? What makes her arrogant? Her ancestry? Her skill with the lightsaber? Her skill the Force? Other skills? Is she arrogant in the face of all, or just in the face of some? If the latter, who? What is she stubborn about? [b]Interests[/b] Is she disinterested in improving her skills with the lightsaber? With the Force? Does she seek anything in her life beyond slicing and enjoying herself with song and dance? [b]Achievements[/b] Highest marks at what? None of her listed skillsets immediately stand out as truly exceptional. [b]Failures[/b] Some minor grammar stuff in the first failure (missing comma). [b]Interview[/b] Being two years old upon enrollment at the academy is extraordinarily young, younger than both Darth Theya and Darth Nyiss were at the start of their training. It is especially strange when combined with the fact that she passed from Neophyte to Acolyte early. While early discovery allows for some things to be taught early, there are many things that cannot be taught until the mind and body have reached a certain point of development. We would suggest adding in some idea of how old she was at reaching each of the various key points in her training. Especially whenever she earned a new title. Generally speaking, Sith don’t get the title of Apprentice until they either are claimed by a master, or (more rarely) amass the power to seize it for themselves. Sith seeking apprentices often come by the academy, or send underlings to look for prospective apprentices meeting certain criteria. It takes a lot for a Darth to betray the Empire. Way more than you’ve described. Darths are powerhouses in the Empire, controlling significant forces and are generally ridiculously aloof. They would not inform a lowly apprentice that they’re going away, especially not where they were going unless they had a need for said apprentice to report to them there. We would suggest rewriting the former master as at most a Sith Lord and to expand more upon the treachery situation leading up to this. [hr] All in all, this sheet is a good start, but needs a bit of work to flesh it out fully. We think that a bit more work on fleshing her out will make for a good Sith.