When Penelope smiled back at him, Crow was glad to see that she seemed to be feeling better. He didn’t want her to be hurt by something that hadn’t even happened. Elizabeth had been confident when she’d approached him, but he’d still turned her down. If she tried again, he knew with certainty that he would never say yes to her at any other time. She was nothing to him in comparison with the knight. He would wait as long as it took and fend off as many greedy women as he could—though he hoped Liz was the only one—to be with her at the end of it all. No fling was worth losing her trust.

However, the moment didn’t last long before Crow noticed Penelope’s face fall with guilt. He knitted his brow, confused until she apologized for believing the rumors that had been spread about him. Her words made him tense slightly as he was reminded of his own hurt throughout everything that had happened yesterday. Part of the problem had been solved, but there was still another part remaining. Even though her explanation of why she had listened to the lies helped a bit, he couldn’t bring himself to feel better about it. After all, he wanted to be someone she could trust, but apparently his efforts hadn’t been enough for her. Just thinking of it again made him grimace.

When the knight finished speaking, Crow didn’t answer her right away. It was tempting to just forgive her and put an end to the discussion, so they could move on. He would certainly be more comfortable doing so, since he disliked addressing his own emotions. However, he couldn’t bring himself to believe that something like this would never happen again. She had said she wouldn’t listen to gossip again, but really, what was there to stop her from questioning him if or when rumors spread about him the next time? He didn’t want to have to prove his faithfulness to her every time anyone claimed he’d slept with someone else. It would be exhausting.

He let out his breath in a long sigh. As much as he wanted to avoid the conversation, he knew he needed to say something.

Taking a step back from Penelope, Crow let his arms fall back to his sides and forced himself to meet her gaze in spite of his urge to look anywhere else. “But what would be different about the next time?” he asked with a frown, finally showing her the hurt he’d felt since supper. “I know I’ve made some bad decisions in the past. I’ve lied and kept secrets that I should have been more honest about, but I’ve [i]never[/i] done anything that I knew would hurt you.” He averted his gaze, unsettled by the feelings that bubbled up inside him even as he spoke about what had been bothering him.

“Even when I was in the wrong, everything I did was to protect you or make you happy,” he went on in a defeated voice. “I know I didn’t get it right all the time in the past, but I would never hurt you on purpose by doing something as stupid as sleeping with someone else. I love you too much to cause you that sort of pain. That’s why…” He bit his lip, taking a moment to reign in his emotions before he went on in a strained tone, “I don’t understand why, after all this time, you still can’t trust me. Even though I’ve messed up, I’ve been trying as hard as I can to prove that I’m a reliable partner. I want you to know that I’m not going to misuse your affection, because you mean everything to me.”

He shook his head, going on in a soft tone, “It just feels like my efforts won’t ever be enough, or that I’m going to have to prove myself to you all over again every time someone whispers in your ear that I’m not being honest. I mean, just look at what happened today. You were ready to break things off between us because of a rumor, even after I explained what had really happened while you were gone.” He looked up again to meet her eyes, “I’m trying my best—I really am—but it’s too hard for me to keep repeating this cycle with you. I can’t keep going about my days with the constant fear that you’re going to drift away every time someone gossips about me. If we’re going to make this work, I need you to start trusting me more… I feel like I’ve earned at least that much.”