[h2]Feedback Saturday![/h2] [hider - Eno] [@Peik] First of all, which hell dimension did you crawl out from, Peik? Just asking because I might have crawled from the same one. I know for sure Hank probably did as well. Your ability to craft a character around an expansive knowledge of lore is probably the best I’ve come across in my (short) time roleplaying Elder Scrolls. It’s clear you know your stuff, and that builds a level of trust that is nice to have in a writer in a game. There’s so much to love about this sheet, and what gives me confidence in Eno is that you really give me the impression that you have been inside his mind and you know all of the inner workings. As for me, I feel like I can’t get a handle on him. He’s like the literary version of a rubix cube lmao. I am curious as to how he’s going to fit in with the group, and how he will handle the adventures and horrors - but part of that trust in you as a writer makes me feel less concerned, and more intrigued. Everything adds up, but there are some things I need further clarification on, and would like you to consider; [quote]In truth, Eno is a Mer of contradictions. He views the world as a ladder to climb, and himself as a representation of a force, the Ego, that is making its way to the top.[/quote] Nice imagery. Gives me instant ‘chaos is a laddah sansaaaah’ feels. Which I love, of course. The fast he was named Littlefinger just makes me all warm in places. [quote]He has a fixation with odd numbers, because he thinks they are pure, and prefers to make sure that his belongings stay pure through getting rid of amounts that make them even, often through charity, which is a convenient way of gaining good graces, while also being for him a declaration of superiority[/quote] How odd and, strangely charming all at once. I adore quirks like this. I have a character who manages and does everything in threes, so this sticks out to me and I like it a lot. One issue I’m having is with the walking handbag. I can see why, in the story he would have this young chap but it adds a level of unfairness by having this NPC that other players do not have. If you really want this character involved, I will require a shorter micro-sheet outlining his exact skills, and possibly at the cost of a skill slot for Eno (I see he’s a healer, so I need clarification there). In any case, I need further information about this fellow. & [quote]Eno's Goal: A self-declared pursuer of Royalty, Eno wishes to be an agent of great discord, break the status quo whenever and wherever possible, and impose his will upon great things, whatever he may be willing. [/quote] This is feeling slightly more like a personality quirk as opposed to a goal that I can work with. I can let that sit, but then that might put you at a disadvantage later down the track. Please have a real think about something as a goal, anyway! A last slice of nitpicking, he has a hearing skill and a sight skill, I'm inclined to ask you to maybe pick one or the other, but I'm happy to discuss! Perhaps the sight is not permanent and he has to keep procuring the items to create the blend and re-inject. [/hider] [hider - S’Kandar] [@Greenie] Greenie is writing a Khajiit! Oooh la la! The addition of a character like S’kandar really helps to balance out some of the more difficult personalities in the group, and he’s definitely on the sunny side of the rainbow which I love, and also who doesn’t love a flirty fellow? ;o The appearance section is great and succinct and I like that you have added flares of personality to it, I would love to see more of that actually - how does he carry himself? How does his face change and what does that say about his mood? That kind of stuff, if you can’t tell from my other feedback, is like my crack cocaine haha. But do not feel obliged! I really like this sheet, and the character. I think he’s going to add a lovely level of balance to the group as mentioned. The fact that he’s had tragedy in his life, and yet somehow still maintains a pleasant disposition is lovely and a great foil to characters like DS I think. I actually like the image of them as Black and White Yin/Yang Khajiit a lot. Where in ways they cross over but are very different. I'm really impressed with your writing here. I actually just recently found Meg 1.0 in the S&S thread, and the way that your writing has improved since then really impresses me to no end. You've always been a fabulous writer, it's just so clear that you're now adding levels of polish that are distinctly Greenie. You're able to craft characters to play that are so different from each other and I know that you very easily get into the minds of your characters, and you do so well with emotive writing so I'm actually desperately pleading for, at some point, a flashback post of the vampire caravan attack. For a young chap, he’s experienced a lot and I think that really shows in the way you’ve told his story! [quote]For the most part, he finds it hard to turn away from somebody in need and will try to help them out. He has a very strict code of not leaving anyone behind when working with others,[/quote] A really nice trait that speaks a lot about him in a simple way, I love it. A note; the vampire part of his history could be a topic of bonding with Dances-in-Milk! [quote]A water skin filled with water A water skin filled with ale [/quote] That tickled me. Something I would like a bit more info on, and would ask you to work on would be the wolf - it’s a brief mention in his history but I’d like some more information. There’s something symbolic about a cat befriending a dog, and also wolves are hardy animals - is she a bit like Ghost from GoT? How does the wolf relate to S’kandar? Does she fight for him? Can she protect him? Or is she simply just a pet. I think there’s more to Jashi to be explored in the sheet and that’s probably the only missing link I’m finding there. Unlike a horse-mount, I'm feeling that the wolf is more a borderline NPC so we might need to work on this a bit. I think that there is more Greenie polish to be added to this sheet, but I'd be happy to accept it simply with the clarifications on Jashi. [/hider]