[hider - Beren]

[@POOHEAD189]

Great sheet and concept - a change of pace from some of the personalities and Beren will add a great perspective. I see that you’ve already said that you’ll pretty the sheet up.

I love the concept Poo. You’re fantastic at making characters who I would say are roguish with a heart of gold, and you always manage to make their heart the biggest aspect of the personality and you never shy away from that. It’s really great to see and I’ve no doubt you’ll breathe fantastic life into this character and I cannot wait to see him finished and punching all the things in this rp!

I love that you've given him more than one goal, and that gives me a really great insight into his character, and a confidence that I know he's a good fit - plus all of them I can work with too!

As has been my feedback on many of the sheets - the appearance section is very lacking. It reads more like a snapshot as opposed to a painting. I get the image quite clearly, but I do wish there was more there to flesh him out. Mannerisms etc. How his appearance can change from time to time. You write ‘he seems both gentle and dangerous at the same time.’ Tell me more about this, how does he seem that way?

I have the same feedback with the personality section also. To me, personality is one of the most important parts of a sheet. I’d like to see how his history has influences his personality. I’d particularly like to know more about his humour. How does this manifest? Is it a defence mechanism? Has he just always been a natural comedian? We don’t have a lot of characters whereby humour has been a part of the personality and I see real potential for this to be a big part of his character overall, so I’d like you to touch on that more. 

With Hank’s sheet, I was able to pull at a thread from the personality section that then gave me inspiration to pass on to weave through the history, the humour of Beren is certainly a thread that intrigues me and stands out above everything else. 

Incidentally - ‘he never quite got along with the children in Leywiin when he visited. He was a scrawny, quiet boy more used to the forest than big town dinners and get-togethers.’
 - Humour as deflection and defense makes sense based on this

Beren’s regret is really touching to me, because I feel like, especially the part about the dog came from your heart and I love that and you. 

His history is great and believable, and you chose two key events in his life. His training with Sees-at-Night and the death of Sarah to focus on, but then towards the end there is this;

[quote]He left his home nearly 2 years ago, visiting Hammerfell first and managing (by the skin of his teeth) to defeat a Necromancer that had been harrying trade routes on the road from Skaven to Highrock[/quote]

It’s really only a loose point covered, and I feel that considering the nature of this RP and the themes, that could be more heavily explored - how did it make him feel to fight a necromancer? I think there’s just more to be explored as opposed to it being so close to the end. I feel like this would have had a huge impact on him. Considering that death has been part of his regret was he disgusted by the necromancer for abusing life and death? Was he, in some ways haunted by it? Intrigued by the art because of his longing for Sarah - there’s a lot of themes in there that I think could add a really compelling layer to Beren that might be missing right now. 

I’m pulling at the death of Sarah and his pupperoni with the Necromancer because I think I see potential and storyline there.

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[hider - Lurks-at-Dusk]

[@Dervish]
I’ve said it to you privately, your experience and expertise as a GM bleeds out into your sheet because you’ve crafted it beautifully. You’ve written it from the angle of what I’m looking for, and I tip my hat to you to be honest.

I love this;
[quote]
He loves getting away with something that’s outside the rule of law, and he takes great pleasure at the explosive reactions of people who he had wronged[/quote]
There’s not much else in this sheet that sums up Lurks quite as much as this, and I love his petty smugness - he’s a chaotic character but disarmingly so. It's a really hard to nail personality type in my opinion but you make it so subtle by adding these other layers that it’s like - yeah, even I wouldn’t suspect him of being a Jerk. I also think you’re at your best when you’re writing these borderline characters and I genuinely am so excited to see what comes out of your brain with this character.

Him making trinkets is a nice little quirk too :) as well as the focus on the financial mindset stuff. I actually love that detail because it gives a fascinating insight into who he is.

I just admire your attention to detail, and this sheet has a level of whimsy throughout it that I actually haven’t seen from you - and some undertones of humour to level out the tragedy. It’s like, the way you’ve written it is so light that it takes a moment to discover the melancholy. For example the way that they barely had money for food. Things like that are just such clever displays of writing.

A bolas is such a strange choice of weapon, but fits the character quite perfectly. On that, his skills really do add up well and make him well-rounded and interesting for this roleplay. All the skills match up to the history, personality, and appearance that you’ve written too. So, in my eyes this is a really airtight sheet and yeah, your GM is showing because there isn’t much that needs to be rectified. You clearly know this character, and you’ve given me a great insight into that too.

There are some minor grammatical bits here and there, and before posting the sheet on Wednesday I’d like you to maybe just sleep on the sheet and maybe take another look at it before the deadline in case something of another idea strikes you. That sometimes happens to me haha! But honestly, great work and Lurks-at-Night can be posted as is come Wednesday.


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