I did it for the memes. And for my own sake.

[center][Hider=The Merc That's A Spider: Spidpool!][color=red][h2]All right, let’s take it from the top, one more time…[/h2][/color]

[color=FFFFFF][b]What’s your name?[/b]
[color=red]"Greg Mannson, random voice depicted in text the same color as mine!"

[i]"Psst, I'm also the mercenary Spidpool. You got the money, I've got the talent."[/i][/color]

[b]How old are you?[/b]
[color=red]"Twenty-One! You can't trick me into being under drinking age!"[/color]

[b]What do you look like?[/b]
[Hider=Mercenary Costume][img]http://cdn2us.denofgeek.com/sites/denofgeekus/files/styles/insert_main_wide_image/public/2016/07/deadpool-movie-concept-art.jpg?itok=z_rsdYUE[/img][/Hider]

[color=red]"To you I look like red text! But because I'm nice here's a picture to give you an idea, buddy. I know I'm deathly handsome and a total sex deviant, but keep your clothes on until I'm finished here! I stand at five foot, eleven inches! Not super tall but at least I ain't a total shortstack! I'm lean, but not mean; I've got the perfect physique for a nice cuddling!"

"... What do I look like with the suit off? Oh, you're quick to try and get the clothes off, huh, texty? Well you don't wanna see me with my suit off, let's just leave it at that. Just one look at me could cause you to projectile vomit all the way from here to the Spidroid discord: And nobody wants that. Das nasty, bro."[/color]

[b]What did you do before the Recluse incident?[/b]
[color=red]"I was the prince of a valiant kingdom in a land far away, before the Fire Nation attacked."

"Okay, okay! You want storytime, you've got it, bud!"

"I was born in one of those cliche crappy households; Dad had a bad mental condition he passed down to me that made life harder! My mother loved him, but boy, when he had his moments of madness, he let out rage like I'd never seen. My household was like WWE but with a lot more police constantly; Eventually things got [b]real bad.[/b] I got taken away, but I didn't care for the place I got put in so I scrambled off to make a name for myself. 

Joined some shitty gang; I was a stupid kid so I didn't know much of what I was getting into: Group was bigger than some small fry like me. Became an errand boy, always did my job right for that sweet cash. Went to a deal with one of my bosses, witnessed some crazy shit. Big disagreements lead to gunshots; Reminded me of the WWE back home, so I went full-on Hulkamania and killed the guy before he could kill my boss. We trusted each-other a lot more after that crap, became like brothers almost! Never felt like I had a family before then, but I had one now.

After I killed that guy, it kinda spiraled downhill for me. Sure I was living the dream with money, girls, and everything else I'd want, but it fucked me up in the head more than I already was. I started really learning to use my fists and knives, and I fired a gun more than a few times. Oh, you thought I would have only killed one person during my backstory? It's probably been a dozen or more; It gets easier as you go on. 

Anyway, that's the basic gist of it. I can tell you some stories, though, like this one time when me and Slob Coney shot up the--"

[/color]

[b]What happened after the incident?[/b]
[color=red]"Did you just skip my story? That's beyond cruel! But it plays into this topic, so I'll let it slide: After that incident, I felt pretty good! My body generally feels stronger, but other than that there seems to be nothing special about little old me..."

"Psyche! You've probably noticed me looking a little 'beyond the pages' here. People think I'm crazy, but I think we're just a small page of something much bigger; Maybe it's the weird incident causing my mental condition to worsen, but I hear voices a lot, and feel like I've gained a sort of awareness that nobody else has. I also accidentally stabbed myself while trying to do a knife trick, and before I could get anything to stop the bleeding, I found my wound... Healed! I experimented with it a little (Might like pain, heh. Kinky, right?) And found that my body regenerates at an insane rate. Try killing a guy that always heals from his wounds!"

Super Strength
0
Agility
0
Durability
0
Regeneration
100
Spider-Sense
0[/color]

[b]Do you believe in aliens?[/b]
[color=red]"Hell yeah! I'll be ready for the bastards, though: I watched X-Files!"[/color]

[b]What are your goals for the future?[/b]
[color=red]"Dude, I'm a regenerating spider with a gun and SWORDS. I'm gonna keep doing what I'm doing for that cash cash money! But you know, with these powers, I could aim much higher than some street-tier gang. We're talking real mercenary work, baby! I'm gonna find some better paying jobs!"[/color]

[b]You lived in New York for a while now, right? What do you think of the city?[/b]
[color=red]"The Big Apple! I love it here, there's everything a man like myself could ever want! Especially authentic Mexican cuisine...~"[/color]

[b]How much technology do you use on a daily basis?[/b]
[color=red]"I love listening to music and playing games! But business comes first, and my gun is my best business partner!"[/color]

[b]What do you like?[/b]
[color=red]"Deep fried burritos! What? You want more? ... Fine, fine; I like practicing my marksmanship on live targets, flirting with the men and ladies of the world, and cutting off the hands of people who touch the door handle to the public bathroom without washing their hands! I'm also fond of cats; I have three of them and care for them like my own children. I like to think I'm good buddies with just about everyone, so I like all kinds of people! I don't like *everyone*, though...[/color]

[b]What do you dislike?[/b]
[color=red]"Can I repeat the bathroom one? No? Alright. I might be a killer, right? But I make it quick at least. I don't think torturing people (Unless it's for information!) Is appealing. I have a strong distinct hatred for kpop, I hate rats, and all sorts of chinese food gives me the goops: I can't eat that crap! I also really don't like being screwed out of my pay; Don't even think of trying to skip off or I'll track you down and kick your ass!"[/color]

[b]Do you think true evil exists?[/b]
[color=red]"I mean I ruin lives for a living and I think I'm a pretty good pillar of the community. Anything is possible!"[/color]

[b]What’s your favorite color?[/b]
[color=red]"We share a fondness for red. Did we just become best friends?"[/color]

[b]Favorite song?[/b]
[youtube]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BcsfftwLUf0[/youtube]

[b]Anything else to add?[/b]
[color=red]"Yeah. I use a lot of weaponry: Swords, guns, explosives, among other things. Looks like I might need to invest in spider poison spray too. We'll see how that goes, huh?"[/color]

[b]H̷E̴Y̸,̷ ̵B̸U̵D̶D̶Y̴.̶ ̶W̴H̷A̸T̷ ̷A̶B̸O̷U̵T̸ ̴U̷S̶?̵ [/b]

[color=red]"You shut the hell up! This is my interview-slash-Thing!"[/color]

[b]What are your thoughts on these people?[/b]
[color=f26522]Slob Coney / His Supplier (And Best Friend)[/color]
[color=red][u][i]"Oh, man. Slob Coney is the greatest; He's obese but that doesn't stop him from managing to find the weaponry I need at a premium price. He's my best buddy.[/i][/u][/color]
[color=f6989d]John Capo / His Former Boss[/color]
[color=red][u][i]me and Capo are like brothers! I always know I have a safe place to chill when he's in the neighborhood; But he seems to not be terribly happy about me moving on to bigger jobs than his smalltime crapL Hope he can forgive me.[/i][/u][/color]
[/color][/hider][/center]