Queen felt a deep sense of relief when Carlisle slumped forward, he breathed out a shaky sigh and nodded as much to himself as to Tex. He rubbed his ear and stared at the blood pooling on the floor under the modeling agent. It was a mercy really, he reasoned, for all of them. He glanced up, catching the Gray Man's expression as Ghost laughed. The laugh made Queen's skin crawl, it was one of a man highly amused by a funny prank and made doubly so by the shock on the faces of their superiors. 

"We should throw him out, the body," he muttered, the idea that even in death Carlisle was a danger began to creep in. Queen coughed hard and spat, more blood mixed in, he could taste it and smell it. The smell would bring it back, Carlisle's blood, the rotting hungry beast with eyes that tugged at his sanity. 

Queen turned suddenly and the crazy thought to get away and off the ship raged through him. They were in the cold waters of the Atlantic but the urge pulled him. The paranoia curled tendrils into his mind and he wiped his mouth, his hand still trembling. He was losing it, slipping down into the nightmare of that [I] thing [/I] coming back even of Carlisle was dead.

With a shake of his head, he tried to rid himself of the thought, like a dog with a flea. He needed sleep, that was it. He was tired and his body, his mind, they were worn out. Sleep without nightmares. His hand went to his pocket and clutched his stash. 

He left, ignoring Foster or anyone else, his mind getting the fuck away from Carlisle as he could. Despite it being July there was still a chill in the air, they were probably farther north than New York harbor now. Queen walked the length of the ship, oddly quiet and still as the crew was still locked away. A ghost ship. 

Queen shivered and fished out the bag and found another Xanax, looking it over. It would be his third in as many hours, he probably would knock out but the anxiety clawed at him so hard the prospect of jumping out of his skin felt legitimate. He popped it, choking the pill down and lit a cigarette, leaning against the side of the ship to inhale the salt air and menthol tobacco.

“You got a lighter?” Donnelley’s voice came from his left, he stood with his thumb hooked in his belt and a cigarette dangling from his lip as he gave Queen a soft smile.

Queen turned at the sound of Tex's voice and reached for the disposable Bic and handed it to him. "Always," he said, his voice rough and a hint of a tremble made him stop. Queen cleared his throat and tried again, forcing a cocky grin. "You know I got you."

Donnelley chuckled, coming closer as he lit the cigarette. It fell quiet between them for a time as they both stared out at the horizon, where the earth pinched the sky and the waves together. “How you holdin’ up?”

Queen flicked the ashes and shrugged, "You know, I'll be better once this last Xannie kicks in. Because that shit in there....fuck."

He ran his hand through his sandy blond hair and ruffling it and he sighed raggedly, "I'm not doing too good, Tex. I saw it, it looked at me...I swear. I can't get it out of my head, man."

“It looked at me too.” Donnelley looked over at Queen, clucking his tongue, “Hell, man, it was lookin’ at everyone. You heard what Dude said, that it wouldn’t stop until it got what it wanted.”

“Well,” Donnelley shrugged, “We took care of that. It ain’t gonna come for you, you ain’t what it was here for in the first place.”

He tried at a soft smile, “You’re safe, man.” He said, “I wasn’t goin’ to let it come back.”

Queen nodded, "Yeah, you did. And I know that, but I'm not gonna feel better til Carlisle's body is fish food. Just a lotta shit, you know?" 

He smiled slightly, meeting Donnelley's gaze, "I missed you, man. THUNDER ain't the same without you. We had good times."

Queen looked away, unable to keep the mask of normalcy up. He flicked his cigarette watching it fall end over end until it vanished into the waves. 

Donnelley looked at Queen now. He was a far cry from the Queen he knew when they were younger men, running and gunning with the best of them in any place the Program sent them. The most high risk operations for the most hot-headed, hairtrigger, short-fused operators the Program had. A bunch of cowboys and outlaws. Now, Queen looked deflated. Defeated.

“We did, man.” Was all Donnelley said, sucking in more smoke and letting it out in a chuckle, “I still need somebody to do those pills with.”

Donnelley stepped a bit closer to Queen, “And I ain’t gonna let you be alone, man. You remember what I always said- ain’t no lone wolves.” Donnelley smiled, “Us against hell, remember? S’what I said to you back in Egypt.”

Queen tore his gaze away from the rolling waves and looked back at Donnelley. Big Tex always had been there, the balance between the hard men of the kill team. The heart of their team if truth be told and he had been gone too long. The reminder of Egypt made him smirk then grin sharply, a wild and dangerous beauty. 

"Yeah I remember," his pale eyes reflected the gray sea and sky, the blue drained out of them. "That was Hell but we came out the other side, you held us together. Held me together."

He huffed a chuckle which turned into a cough and he put a fist against his mouth. At least the blood was no longer leaking out, he observed. 

Queen put his hand in his pocket and felt the stash, he could probably do a couple more Vicodin. "This time, it ain't Egypt though. This shit is in our yard. I dunno, it just feels different. Or maybe it's me."

He shrugged his narrow shoulders and then grinned again, though his eyes did not reflect it. He took out the baggie, "C'mon, let's forget about it for awhile. Celebrate your return proper."

“I get it, I know what you mean.” Donnelley shook his head. He’d had that same feeling when he first got the activation notice to go to West Virginia. At Queen’s insistence to forget it all for a bit, he knew he would jump at the chance. He missed Queen. “Hell yeah, man.” He grinned.

“Go somewhere private. I like Ghost, but,” Donnelley shrugged, a small shake of his head, “I don’t need him with us.”

"Yeah he's not someone I can ever completely relax around," Queen said, pushing away from the side of the ship. His eyes met Donnelley's and he grinned again, "And that's what I need to do, I'm wound fucking tight after this Carlisle business."

He lead the way, down into the bowels of the cargo ship. There was the bunkroom and the mess but Queen passed them up until he found a storage room. It was dark and when he flicked the light on it was still dim. There were crates and drums and what he was hoping he would find. 

Queen grabbed a tightly rolled extra sleeping pad, unfurling it in front of some crates and sat down, the bag of goodies pulled from his pocket. He looked up at Donnelley, "Pretty private down here, what'll be your poison?"

“I’m feelin’ downers, right about now. Think I been more up than I wanted to be for longer than I wanted to.” He smiled, shaking his head though his limbs felt heavy and his head swam in fatigue, “What do you got for me, Billy?”

Queen smiled again, this time more genuine at the use of his real name. He gave Donnelley a little wave, "Come on down to the pill is right."

He did a little imitation of the music from the famous daytime game show. Queen opened the bag and shook out out a smaller bag among the coke and meth. Putting aside the Adderall, he selected a tiny Ziploc stuffed with green oblong shaped pills and white sticks of Xanax. Another held opiates, white pills of Vicodin and pink Lortab. 

"Real pharma stuff here, none of that counterfeit fentanyl tainted shit," he said, taking out a pill crusher and setting aside. "My body is a temple, I know what goes into it."

Queen chuckled, almost a giggle of glee as he arranged the colorful pharmacopoeia. Donnelley hadn’t realized he’d grown a smile as he watched Queen start to enjoy himself. This was the Queen he’d enjoyed spending so much time with. “Give me some of that Vicodin, man.”

He passed Donnelley the bag with the white pills and said, "Should prolly wash em but fuck it, abuse our livers a little more. Live fast, leave a yellow tinted corpse."

Queen leaned back and felt the last Xanax kicking in, he'd popped a time release green hulk, it caused the euphoria longer and without as much drowsiness. He was tired enough as it was. "Speaking of, got somethin' in that flask, buddy?"

Donnelley tugged his flask from his pocket, sitting with Queen and watching him arrange his rainbow of drugs. His eyes went from the pills to Queen, silently humming as he worked at the arrangement, his small smile still on his face at the sight. “You know it,” He said, “Buddy.”

Queen took the flask for a quick nip, it tasted like Jim Beam and he leaned back against a container. Crossing his arm over his lean chest he grinned, looking at Donnelley, "So tell me about your [I]other[/I] team. Where y'all working? Any of them as fun as me?"

Donnelley laughed, leaning back in turn, “Fun as you? Nah.” He shook his head, putting a cigarette between his lips and lighting it, “But they’re a’right folk. They mean well, professional. Usual Feds.”

“What about THUNDER? How is it nowadays?” Donnelley asked, holding Queen’s gaze as he passed him a couple Vicodin. He popped them in his mouth and chewed them up.

Queen's animated expression, eyebrows raised up and a big crooked grin as he was assured he was still the most fun. His pale eyes were a shade of blue again and he shrugged, "Ain't the same without Big Tex. Ya know, we do our jobs but...it's like we're missing a big piece right in the middle. A sassy ass backwoods punk with a killer trigger is very hard to find."

His eyes gleamed as he giggled, the comforting fog of the drugs cloaking him. "Ghost is Ghost, spooky as ever. Maui and Poker, professional and shit, no one I can take with me to lose ourselves in some rave on Ibiza. Remember that?"

Queen's grin turned slightly lascivious, "So much fucking E."”

Donnelley chuckled a low growl, puffing smoke from his nostrils, “So much fuckin’...”

“Them’s were some times, man.” He nodded flicking ash from his cigarette and waiting for the Vicodin to kick in. “Fuck it,” Donnelley popped another one in his mouth, “I’ll admit it. I missed you a lot. Can’t nobody do what you do like you do, Billy. You’re a good people finder, good friend. Good at a lot of things.”

The grin turned to a smirk, Queen shifting against the crate, his eyes on Donnelley, "A lotta fuckin'."

"Now you gonna get my head bigger than it is," he cackled, rubbing his hand over his hair. "But shit, I miss times like this. I can't ever relax around anyone like I can with you. You get me."

He shrugged, meeting Donnelley's gaze again and then picked through the pills absently, "You know?"

“You always got me like nobody else.” Donnelley smirked. “I always liked that ‘bout you. We were always pretty close.”

Donnelley sighed, remembering all the times they were away from the others and they could be themselves. Donnelley two-fold. He was always different. And with Queen, he found a best friend who understood him as he really was. He looked at Queen picking through his pills, his tattoos, his hair, the way his jaw worked in that way he never noticed when he was thinking or concentrating.

The lean muscle, that carefree attitude that made the horrifying, terrible things they were sent out to do so far away. He looked down at his hand and took another drag, “Us against hell. Waitin’ for the next sunrise.”

Queen plucked a stick of Xanax, flicking it over his fingers and nodded, "We gave em hell, too. Sorry I freaked out about Carlisle. I dunno, this one got to me. Prolly cuz I didn't have my favorite Texan around for so long. Then I got nervous tryna impress you."

An impish smile touched his full lips and he popped the stick of Xanax between his front teeth in the groove marking a tab. His eyes gleamed and he leaned forward slightly. Donnelley’s smile grew into something mischievous and hungry. He leaned in close towards Queen, delicately placing his hand behind his head and locked his lips in a kiss. He’d gotten the tab, but he stayed there, relishing the tingle of pleasure from Queen’s lips on his.

A low groan in his throat, Queen kissed him back, releasing the tab and pushing it into Donnelley's mouth with his tongue. The pill was bitter but he ignored that, relishing the feel of his mouth. He grazed his teeth against Donnelley's lip and murmured, "Goddamn, I missed you."

Donnelley bit his lip, looking Queen up and down, “Been too long, Billy.” 

Too long, Donnelley thought. He took one last drag and blew it out in the confines of the small storage room they were holed up in. He placed the cigarette on the ground and climbed over the pills and onto Queen, straddling him and looking into those eyes of his. Those eyes that made women melt, made him so mysterious and dark, but to Donnelley made him feel safe with their little secret. They saw through each other, two bold, dark men that knew each other’s truths. Where people saw danger staring back at them, Donnelley saw himself.

“Too, too long.” He whispered, the rigors and feeling of impending doom from the night before, the yelling match between him and Foster seemed a million years away now. Only this room was their world, all that mattered. He pressed his lips into Queen’s, the both of them devolving into throaty groans and growls, desperately nipping at each other’s lips and wrestling with their deft tongues.

Queen leaned back, taking Donnelley's weight and the press of his hard body against his own. He hooked his fingers into the waistband of the dark tactical pants Donnelley wore and gave them a playful tug, slipping his hand down to cup his rear as they kissed. His pouting lips were hungry and he kissed him with desperation. 

[hr] 

"Fuckin goddamn," Queen breathed out, his lower back and balls still tingling. 

Donnelley rolled over and wiped his mouth off with a forearm, putting his other one over his eyes as he chuckled, the post-coitus giggles making him laugh at nothing in particular. He reached over and grabbed Queen’s thigh, “Good fuckin’ Christ, man, I missed you.”

Queen lay flat and laughed breathlessly, "I am pretty fuckin amazing you know. Hell, I missed you too, [I]pardner[/]. Whenever you decide to quit playing nursemaid, there is always a spot for you on THUNDER. Where the real men are."

He laughed again and rolled over, picking up pills that had got stuck to his skin. Queen giggled and looked over at Donnelley, "I can imagine Ghost isn't in a hurry to find us, but ...shit."

He sighed and slapped a hand on Donnelley's leg, "How much shit you think Foster's gonna give you?"

“As much as he always does.” Donnelley muttered, his mood souring a tad as he shrugged. He flicked a pill into his waiting mouth and chewed it up, not even knowing what it was. Advil, for all he knew, “He’ll come around. Maybe. I dunno.” Donnelley growled, before he stared off, looking at Queen and then regaining his smile, “That shit don’t matter right now.”

Queen moved around and lay beside Donnelley, the afterglow of sex and the cocktail of downers in his system making him drowsy. "Meh, fuck it. You're right. Hey, you know I was just remembering that time in Amsterdam."

He giggled and sighed, a big grin growing on his face, "That was right after Egypt. Shit was wild."

His pale blue eyes flicked over to Donnelley, "Our first time, that hotel room by the canal."

Donnelley snorted sheepishly, remembering that old hotel. The paper thin walls, the cramped room he had to work with. “Yeah, yeah, I remember.” He nodded, “I don’t even remember how or why I told you about myself or you telling me.”

Queen smiled, propping himself on his elbow, "Because I'm me and I saw it in your eyes. Even as stoned as we were, you know and that craziness we'd just come from, almost getting killed in Egypt and the release in the clubs. You're my friend, Joseph, I'd do anything for you and I took a chance."

He leaned forward and kissed him then smirked slightly, "I figured you'd either kiss me back or knock the shit outta me. But you were worth the chance."

Donnelley turned away as he felt the heat grow from his cheeks, chuckling sheepishly. He toyed with his hands, letting his head fall back and rest against the bulkhead, sighing. He looked sidelong at Queen, at Billy. “Thank you.” Donnelley said, “Really. I spent a lot of my life hidin’, but with you…”

He snorted, looking Queen over in the storage room’s light, “Well, fuck, you know… you’re you.” He let his gaze hang on Queen’s for a good moment before he turned, a cheesy little grin on his face, “And I like you, Billy. Never let anything tell you who to be.”

"No one ever could," Queen replied, then put a hand on Donnelley's thigh. "Believe me, some did try. But ya know, guys like us. Born to raise hell on our terms. Don't ever hide from me, you're my boy."

“Hide myself from you?” Donnelley reached over to his pants and retrieved his pack of cigarettes, handing one to Queen and lighting one for himself before putting his hand over Queen’s. He looked at Billy, “Never.”

Taking the cigarette, Queen took a drag and smiled at Donnelley, "Good. Because I like you exposed."

He grinned crookedly, blowing smoke to the side then drawled in a fairly accurate Texas Panhandle accent, "I cain't quit you."

Donnelley snorted hard, clamping a hand over his mouth at the unexpected reference. He choked back laughter and held a middle finger in Queen’s face, “First you get everyone to call me Big Tex, now you’re quotin’ fuckin’ Brokeback at me.” He shook his head, “I’d be Gyllenhaal anyway. Better lookin’.”

Donnelley smirked, “We should get outta here after we finish these. Don’t need anybody talkin’.”

Queen cackled with delight, "Well you are Big Tex, just need that hubcap belt buckle, cowboy."

"Pfft, Ledger is better looking, he's got those cheekbones. Clearly, it's me," Queen replied, running his hand through the shaggy dark blonde hair. He made a pouty kissy face at Donnelley before laying back down. 

"Why don't you go ahead," he said, "I need a nap, this shit's really kicking in. Besides, you know, don't want them wondering what we were getting up to."