[quote=@Parallel Hearts] I don't intend to do a Discord for this story, since I'm not particularly good with that and I prefer to make any important announcements here anywhere, where they'll logged and easily accessible. Anyway, regarding your characters: I cannot accept that 1st one for some reasons, other than just the Unified Language. That in itself wouldn't be a problem but other things, especially the Parameter stealing in his 1st skill are concerning. The extra damage against Kings is no problem, but stealing Parameters, especially END, with a single non-Noble Phantasm attack is. For the second idea, she's pretty much ok, with a few points needing attention. 1st - Her 1st Noble Phantasm should work like all similar ones in canon and be deactivated when she needs to use her second one. You can summon the mount without giving away her identity, but when she uses the charge attack (which requires calling the Noble Phantasm's name), her identity must be given away like any other Servant using a Noble Phantasm. 2nd - Make it so that she and her mount lose much of the benefits of that Presence Concealment-like effect when they prepare to attack, not when they are about to hit with an attack so that it's in line with all other canon stealth effects. [/quote] I'm surprised... If possible I can convert 'stolen parameters' to 'stolen magical energy', a very minor amount. As Od is the currency which the Master's wage war. I'd be willing to discuss if that was the only critique about the sheet. As for Hatshepsut, there are only a handful of Female Pharaoh, so that is a big clue. I'd rather her disguise only burn away when using the charge attack for sake of fairness. As for the 'presence concealment', it does drop when the beast attacks... It can only be cloaked when out of combat or not moving to attack, that's my intention.