Ridahne nodded patiently, knowingly. She too understood the paradox of being a lifelong killer of animals, and then feeling so wretched that she vomited after her first assassination. Animals were intelligent creatures with feelings and social groups, but somehow killing an [I]alik[/I] or a fish or a boar did not ever occur to her as something to be ashamed of or as something to mourn. But people? It was different somehow. 

"I know," she said. "I spent my whole life hunting and fishing. I kill animals and gut them and skin them without an ounce of remorse. But people?" She sighed heavily. "He was a rapist. My first kill. He targeted young girls and I don't know how many he haunted in his lifetime, but we knew of two for a fact, and that was enough. They told me what he'd done, and I'd actually spoken to one of his victims. A poor, battered thing, but resolute. That brave girl wanted him to burn for what he'd done to her and I vowed I'd make it happen. I was so angry, and that anger fueled me right up until the point that I woke him from his sleep with the cold tip of my sword. I made him take out his kit and tattoo his ojih to reflect his crimes, and he did this tearfully. He groveled and said he was so sorry, but he was never sorry for what he did. Only that he got caught. The moment came and I swung at him, but I was so nervous and some part of me, the part of me that once was a decent, innocent girl, hesitated and flinched back a little. My sword tip connected but not enough, so I just slit his throat instead of cutting off his head. He gurgled and writhed on his woven mat floor for longer than I ever thought possible, and I was too stunned to just finish the job and stop the whole nightmare. So I stood frozen until the light went from his eyes and the noises stopped, and then I ran outside where Takhun was waiting for me. I puked into my horse's mane on the ride back." 

Ridahne had only ever told that story to Hadian and Ajoran. She gave Darin a sympathetic gaze and said, "You're not the only one to have compromised when the moment came. And I think we tend to see people and animals differently. I would be heartbroken if Mitaja was killed, but a chicken for tomorrow's dinner? Not so much. Even as we care for those animals and bond with them, we always knew how it would end, and I think that makes it easier. But with people, it was never supposed to end that way, and deep inside it hurts us when this notion is betrayed." 

Ridahne tapped one slim finger against her knee, debating something before she finally said it. "I don't know if this is a consolation to you, Darin. But if the eija had found him alive, injured or otherwise, they would not have killed him outright. They would have captured him and tortured him until he revealed his secrets to them. His death might not have been swift, but it was not hard. As I nearly learned last night, bleeding out is a slow but ultimately not horrific experience. You stop feeling the pain after a while, and you simply get so tired that nothing else matters but the void. He didn't suffer much. You aren't a monster." Ridahne would know.