When I was younger I wanted to get married and have a big family. I love kids, they’re pretty awesome sometimes. But now the idea terrifies me. First of all, I feel like I’m too poor to raise a child even with my partner’s help. Second, with my family history of mental illness and addiction, and my partner’s family history of cancer, I would not feel right having biological children. Third, I don’t think I’m mentally stable enough to deal with the stress of raising a child, after raising two puppies and nearly losing my shit at some of their antics I can only imagine how difficult it would be for me to handle myself when it comes to being beholden to an actual human child. You can’t crate train kids, after all. My number 1 [i]biggest fear[/i] is having a lapse in judgment, deciding to have a kid or go through with a surprise pregnancy, and later resenting that child/my family to the point I abandon it. Which would make me a terrible person and I’d probably hate myself for the rest of my life or try to end my life. 

A lot of people have told me that I’ll “change my mind” when I’m older (ironic since it was actually the opposite, I used to want kids and now I don’t), but honestly with the kind of lifestyle I want to live (minimalist and lots of travel) I [i]cannot[/i] see a future in which I could be truly happy with children. Maybe when I’m old and settled, I could foster a couple kids and help them get a better start to life, but I really truly do [i]not[/i] want a traditional family lifestyle. Parenting is really important, and not everyone is cut out for it, and I’m not going to risk the wellbeing of a child if I’m not 110% sure that I [i]want[/i] that child and can give it the best life possible.