Darin smiled softly as MItaja came over and pressed her head into the human’s hand. It seemed that the cat was quite upset with the human for leaving off the petting so come stare at the fire. Darin complied with the demand for more petting by rubbing the hunting cat’s ears. She didn’t much sound like the cats that Darin was used to, but Mitaja still acted just the same. The human supposed that meant cats were cats no matter where they came for or what their size was. Somehow that was a small comfort as Darin struggled to come to grip with what had happened at what she had done.

Ridahne’s words did not. Darin didn’t want to think about how it was a gift that she knew nothing about the man. She didn’t want to think about it becoming easier the more she did it. She didn’t want to think about the memories fading. She didn’t want to think about it becoming commonplace. Every person killed was a child of Astra. Every person was the product of both their choices and factors beyond their control. Every Person had a life and a story to tell, and now, well now no one would tell the story of the man she had killed. Maybe Ridahne was right. Maybe it was easier that she didn’t know his name. Darin didn’t think that made it right that she didn’t know. Then again, right was seldom easy. 

Darin almost said that out loud. Her mouth was open. The words were almost out. Then she stopped, held her tongue, and move a small humming noise instead. She really didn’t want to fight with RIdahne tonight. There was no point. She didn’t want to end every night with a fight. It seemed that they always ending the day fighting with each other or with someone else. It was growing tiresome, and it was not a tradition that Darin want to actually start. The human looked down at the cat loving on her as she sighed again. She needed to learn to think before she spoke or did anything. That would prevent most fights she supposed.

So instead Darin changed what she was going to say, “Maybe you are right. Maybe it easier that I don’t know.”

Darin didn’t voice the rest of her thoughts. That was the part that was the human thought would cause a fight. Yet, Darin thought, she didn’t need to voice her opinion every time that it differed with something. That was a new thought. Back home she was in the habit of saying all her opinions out loud. Most of them were contrary in some ways. That was why the elders didn’t really like her. She hadn’t cared back then. Back then she wasn’t trying to make friends. She was trying to survive and keep her mother alive. She wanted the farm and she wanted to be the one to work it. Now she needed friends and to convince people to follow her. 

Darin sighed again, “I’m tired Ridahne. I’m tired of not knowing right or wrong. I’m tired of being out of my comfort zone.” She laughed a little, “Besides that I’m just plain tired. I can feel an exhaustion in my bones that I haven’t felt in a long time.” She struggled to think, “I think the last time I felt this was the first harvest I worked alone that was rough. Dawn until well after dusk. I had no idea how to use a sickle. I came home covered in injuries that I had to patch up myself because my mother was lost in the memories of a man long gone. Dirty and grimy were normal.” Darin looked at her hands, “I know I’m a farmer, but I hate being dirty and grimy. I’m so glad that I was caught in the rain early. It washed away most of the dirt. I would still like soap.” She caught in memories, “There was no shortage of soap back home. I could clean whenever I wanted. Hot water was a bit of a treat, but I still scrubbed pretty much every day. This traveling thing prevents that. I feel like I’m always dusty. I hate it. Of all the physical inconveniences being unable to get the dust off is the worse.” She scoffed, “How silly is that? I have a responsibility bigger than anyone or anything and the one thing that would make it better is soap and water every single night.” She turned to look at Ridahne, “What about you? What do you miss? Not people or places. What do you miss that seems completely silly?”

It was a way to get to know Ridahne better. It was a safer way to get to know Ridahne then that first night. At least this was slightly pointless, and Darin needed the distraction. Maybe if she was distracted her appetite would return. Maybe she would actually be able to drink something. She wasn’t feeling good at all and still wanted to throw up. She needed something to take her mind off of her current train of thought before it consumed her completely. It was a sudden topic change, but somehow, she didn’t think that Ridahne would mind that much. There was nothing to mind. If Ridahne didn’t want to talk about this she didn’t have too. Darin wouldn’t press at all.