Kijani was almost. [i]almost [/i] able to take a breath of relief when she sat down and strapped into the cockpit. But before she could say ‘I’m glad that’s over’, it wasn’t.  The ship rocked and rumbled, and Kijani felt her stomach twist with guilt. This was her fault again. Now she was getting strangers mixed up in Rebel business. Her breathing became ragged, and she felt the cold sweat of panic setting in.

A conversation with her mother came to mind. She was 11, and just starting to learn the proper ins and outs of ruling a planet. There were more than one powerful child at the Elder Houses Finishing Academy that she was attending, but she felt alone despite peers. Her mother was there on the holoscreen, and yet so far away that Kijani ached.

“Mother -” Her eyes were still puffy from crying. 

“Little Sun, what is it?” 

“Mother, we had our command practicums today, and I – I failed.” This started a fresh wave of tears. Queen Bhera gently shushed her daughter until she calmed enough to tell the story.

“We were supposed to lead a set group of troops into a starbase and come out with a prize. We were timed. My Professor failed me because I took too long. Said that I  should have sacrificed one of my platoons as a distraction to make it through the base faster.” Kijani rubbed at her eyes with a handkerchief, a hardness creeping into the gold color. “I refused, and I was failed. I don’t want to sacrifice anyone, Mother.” 

Queen Breha pursed her lips, thinking for several moments before answering. “I agree with your Professor.” 

“You [i]what[/i]?!”

“Yes, I do. Here’s why. The people under your rule know that they may one day be tasked to give their all. Even more so with the military – giving their all means their lives. To save one million, you may have to lose one hundred.” 

Kijani was stunned, and took a quick seat on her couch. “But mother, that’s… that’s terrifying.” 

“That is the crown.” There was no mirth in her mother’s voice, only a steel gaze that belied how old she was becoming. The queen had always been the pragmatic one, rather than the idealist father who Kijani took after.

“...I promise you, Mother. There is another way, a way to win without sacrifice, needed or not. Even if I have to sacrifice myself first, no one will die on my watch!”

That statement had not proved true, as the Empire took hold and the Rebellion gained footing. There had been many losses, and yes, sacrifices. But the idealist spark in Kijani had not died off yet – she was unwilling to send her people to do anything she wouldn’t do herself. This same sentiment ran in her mind as she picked her head up, eyes blazing.

“What- what can I do to help?” She had to do something, anything to make this better. That, or they all died here. “Let me help.”