[b]Azora Howl![/b] You are the smallest, angriest owl. It is a blessing that you are not just an owl head, that you can still use your transformation magic, but you are— to use a turn of phrase— mode locked. You can’t turn into yourself. Probably because this mad princess doesn’t want you to. [i]claka-claka-claka-claka-clack[/i] “I’m Princess Eska Glinteye. I’m here because my father wants me to bring back the Caduceus so he can use it to take over Hyperborea and force Ourania to marry him. I came here with hostages and a hypnotized dragon. Adila is ridiculously easy to hypnotize, actually, and now I understand why. The real problem is that she’s so stupid, she’ll misunderstand half of what you tell her to do. She’s like a fire-and-forget arrow that might get blown back into my face. She wants so badly to be my friend, which is pathetic, because I’m terrified of friendship. Letting people get to know me means that I’m vulnerable. My machines will never betray me, and once I master hypnosis, no one else will ever betray me, and I can relax. I’ll be safe.” Eupheria’s not even listening. The crowd’s reacting, of course, but it’s obvious that the Wicked Queen is miles away. Something the dragon said shook her hard, and the Iluminan crybaby made it worse. Maybe she’s going to reveal she’s also polyamorous, ha! [i]claka-claka-claka-claka-clack[/i] “I’m Princess Dandelion of Feloria. I’m here because, well, apparently the dragon I have feelings for likes being hypnotized too much to fight back when she’s told to kidnap me. I honestly don’t know how to feel bout the firework she dropped in my lap here; my insides are more tangled up than a wild prickler bush. But I do know one thing for sure, sure as rain in the summer: you’re cruel, ma’am. Dragging folk’s secrets out of their own mouths is nasty as it gets, and if you had a heart, you would have stopped it the moment poor little Rita started crying. You almost certainly didn’t deserve to get locked up here for so long, but from the looks of it you didn’t learn a blamed thing from it, and so I must admit, in all this magic honesty, that I am looking forward to kicking your butt, taking your magic staff away from you, and putting it somewhere where no one can abuse it again. Then I can start thinking about what to do with Adila, seeing as I never made my move, being too worried I’d pressure her to have to pick between her career and my devotion to my kingdom, but apparently she also just felt picking between me and every other girl that caught her eye was too difficult, and I know that’s not fair but dangit I can’t not say it because of someone’s magic spell, so go jump in a bull pen and land in a pie, ma’am.” The farm girl’s lucky Eupheria is so out of it. If you were in her shoes, if you had her power— not that you’d ever take it for yourself, of course, but would father [i]really[/i] mind if you tested it out— you’d already have turned her into a braying donkey. [i]claka-claka-claka-claka-clack[/i] “I am Isolde. I used to be the king of Ilumina, but I don’t deserve that title any more. Years ago, I discovered that I had the attention of a dark witch-cult growing in the heart of Ilumina itself, one that idolized your reign of nightmares over all of Hyperborea as the height of Ilumina’s power and importance. They wanted me, your descendant, to come here and take the Caduceus so that I could overthrow Ourania and lead Ilumina to victory over every other kingdom, especially Jedad, because of our frankly ridiculous feud. One of them, Constance Reedley, tried to kidnap my little girls in order to blackmail me. She never even got into the castle keep before being apprehended, but I was afraid. I couldn’t bear seeing my little girls in harm’s way. So I abdicated and pretended, for [i]years,[/i] that I didn’t care about my family. I spent those years rooting out every Iluminan supremacist and misguided witch who thought my reign would perfect as long as they were on my side. I [i]buried[/i] every hint I could find about you and your tomb, and even if I’d known you were alive, I would have done the same thing. I will never let your shadow hurt my family, and I will [i]never[/i] be the person you became. So I intend to take that cursed Devil treasure away from you, snap it over my knee, throw it in the Devil’s Gulch, and go home to my [i]family[/i], and tell my girls the truth: that I love them more than I love anything else in all of Hyperborea. Your shadow has ruined years of my life! I had to miss little Jess’s first steps! I had to pretend that I never cared about my precious girls! I will [i]never[/i] be like you, Grandmother. Also, while I’m furious at your abuse of magic to wring truths out of us all, I am grateful that I can say right now, honestly and truthfully, that I love Alina, that I always have, and that I am very proud of her and her relationship with Rita von Catabas, who is a lovely girl who should not be ashamed of what she enjoys.” Did that make Eupheria flinch? The crowd is dead silent. You hop up to take your turn as Isolde starts crying, just like everyone else who’s friends with Alina Cascade. [i]claka-claka-claka-claka-clack[/i] “I am Princess Azora Howl,” you say. “I crave my father’s love and approval more than anything else in the world. You are dangling unlimited power over this world in front of me, and I only want to play with it a little, turn everyone here into my helpless playthings, humiliate them— you know, much like you’re doing now. I would be happy to give you some pointers. But after that, I will take the Caduceus and give it to my father, because I am the only thing Oberon truly loves and nothing and no one will take that away from me. Not my failures of sisters, not pretty sparkle princesses, not you and not Ourania. I [i]am[/i] the perfect daughter.” You conclude by preening your wing, and Eupheria takes center stage again. “Well! Well well well well [i]well![/i] What a [i]delightful[/i] bunch of princesses we have here tonight! I feel especially fortunate to have my [i]loving[/i] family and Adila’s little lapdog here with us! I must be the luckiest queen in all of Hyperborea! The things I’m going to do to [i]you three~![/i] The exquisite torments! I’ll make Adila experience every second, too, and she’ll know that it’s [i]her fault![/i]” She giggles, one hand held over her face, her lime-and-teal eyes visible through her fingers. It is, somehow, the scariest thing you have ever seen. Then the wheel stops with a solid [i]ka-thunk.[/i] A gasp rises from the crowd as Eupheria wheels around furiously and stares at the result: the needle sits perfectly between “LABYRINTH OF TORMENT, BROADCAST LIVE” and “grant my rescuer(s) their hearts’ desire!” Was this your sister’s doing? Perhaps. Either way, Eupheria starts to laugh. She doubles over, shrieking. And then she snaps her fingers and the needle splits into two, pointing at both results. “Well!! Looks like we’ve decided on the result!! We’re doing the [b]LABYRINTH OF TORMENT,[/b] with hearts’ desires as our grand prize for completion of the labyrinth!” *** [b]Rita von Catabas![/b] “But Miss Eupheria!” You look up through your running mascara and tearful lashes and see the most hideously [i]wrong[/i] thing you’ve ever seen in your life. It looks like a cat, short and stout and running around on its chubby little hind legs. That would be bad enough! But then it [i]opens its mouth.[/i] Its eyeless head flops back on a hinge and all there is there is teeth and a huge red wet tongue. “Won’t the princesses just team up and make you grant all their hearts’ desires? That doesn’t seem fair!” “That’s right, Grimalkin,” Eupheria purrs. “That wouldn’t be fair! That’s why only first place gets the prize! No silver medals, no team finishes. Everyone else has to woman up and accept their penalties!” “Penalties, Miss Eupheria?” It sounds gleeful, and a ripple of nasty laughter runs through the crowd. “That’s right! A game’s no fun without losers, after all.” She spins the Caduceus, and a goblin machine pops into existence next to every one of you on stage, spinning and rattling. There are dice involved, and clattering levers, and smoke belching out. BING BING BING! Adila’s comes to a stop, displaying: [HECKHOUND]. A glossy black spiked collar wraps around her throat. BING BING BING! Kazelia gets [LITTLE MISS KNOW-IT-ALL] and a new pair of braces to handle her buck teeth. BING BING BING! Alina gets [ASKAIAN DAYDREAMS] and a pink collar with the nametag [i]Mittens[/i] and it’s your fault, right? Eupheria has to be doing this on purpose. Making fun of you all [i]again.[/i] BING BING BING! Dandy gets [BACK ON THE FARM] and a pony’s tail growing through her tights, Eska gets [MANIC MANNEQUIN] and two red spots on her cheeks, Azora (her head deftly spun back onto her body) gets [DADDY’S LITTLE GIRL] and an oversized polka-dot hair bow, and Isolde gets [MINI-ME] and hair the same shade as Eupheria’s. (She has to be doing this on purpose. The look of horror on Isolde’s face hurts.) Finally, yours clangs to a stop. BING BING BING! You look up, trembling. [ARE WE PRINCESS OR ARE WE DANCER?] A Jedadi sequined hip belt ties itself snugly around your waist. Oh. Okay. Yeah, you’ll just end up as a Jedadi dancing-girl. That’s not so bad. Lina’s actually totally into that. “One princess gets all her dreams come true! The losers get to spend the rest of their lives as my playthings! Any questions, contestants~?” The fanfare is deafening and the lights are blinding and Eupheria is cackling with delight and today was [i]not[/i] supposed to go like this. [Every princess has received a Curse. Each Curse has five segments; each time you roll a 6-, [i]advance the transformation[/i]. When you hit five segments, you are completely transformed into Eupheria’s plaything.]