I'm back from holiday, I'm fully caught up on IC, and here's the next batch of my reactions before I go back to work and back to wanting to THROW MYSELF FROM THE ROOF.

Link to my previous reactions: https://www.roleplayerguild.com/posts/5080727

[@HenryJonesJr]
[hider=Nomad, Post 3]I actually really enjoy the dialogue in the first part of your post, particularly the brief conversation between Charles and Steve. You’ve really captured both character’s voices here and it helps polish the post. The house segment is great as well. What I have noticed is a tendency to lapse into short, repeated sentences - Steve musing about his suit and Steve and Rogue entering Rogue’s old room are two obvious examples. It’s very stilted to read and a lot of it could be mitigated and really help the post shine all the brighter if you mixed up the structure a bit and employed some wider syntax. Vermin’s sudden appearance was great though and you’ve done a good job at engineering tension. And, as always, I’m a sucker for quick glimpses at a wider play.[/hider]
[hider=Nomad, Post 4]Love Rogue’s perspective on the current events, and some insight into what’s really going on and on her troubled history. The chase sequence and fight is fun and then seeing Rogue’s powers in action is great, and she’s clearly still at war with herself over them. The writing is a lot better on this one too and everything flows a lot smoother. Probably your best post so far for Nomad and I’m keen to learn who’s behind the experimentation and what they want with Rogue.[/hider]

[@webboysurf]
[hider=Iron Man, Post 2]This is a lot better than your first post. Tony and Pepper are great, there’s a lot of character depth given in very charmingly subtle ways. The dialogue is great and we see a bit deeper into Tony. Some great history hinted at and would it really be Tony if he hadn’t hurt people he cared about and found himself to emotionally stunted to talk it out like an adult and repair the damage? A good post with a lot of careful emotionality to it. I’m looking forward to seeing what will go wrong at the conference.[/hider]
[hider=Iron Man, Post 3]It wasn’t immediately clear that the first section of the post is a flashback, but after it became clear I appreciated the glimpse at Tony’s beginnings. The introduction of Tony’s wider supporting cast is welcome as well, and Happy and Cabe’s individual characters both play well off of Tony’s classic cheery sardonicism. I’m excited we’re getting to meet Midas as well and begin to dig into what he’s up to, as well as his mysterious bodyguard, Frost. Again, this is better than the preceding post so it’s great to see you pick up some clear momentum and really find your confidence with the story. It’s not the direction I thought we’d be going, given the conference hook in the last post, but I’m looking forward to seeing all the threads weave together.[/hider]

[@Byrd Man]
[hider=Green Lantern, Post 3]I love Jessica’s predicament and the drippiest of drip-feeds of information. So far all I can think is she’s been captured by Klingons, but I’m expecting a far better and bigger reveal. Also, jesus, she’s going to break her arm. Green Lantern Boot Camp is going to be hilarious and it’s interesting to see the Lanterns try to ‘modernise’ in perhaps the worst possible way? Current GL recruitment process is irrefutable and a perfect safeguard against corruption, and this beautifully subverts all of that. I can already see the civil war brewing. And the space western continues to be brilliant. Keep it up.[/hider]
[hider=Green Lantern, Post 4]I read your post immediately before I went to work, and spent the next 10 hours of my life singing Sixteen Tons. I annoyed my customers. I annoyed my staff. I annoyed myself. Don’t ever do this to me ever again. God damnit. I enjoyed Hal effortlessly cleaning up Cromica, and I like the relationship building between Hal and the planet’s natives. The Kree political subplot is interesting, not normally my bag of crisps but it’s entertaining. And inserting a murder mystery into your space western political drama is anohter lurch forwards. A lot of momentum. It’s nice to see Sinestro’s actions having consequences, and to see a culture where the Lanterns are regarded suspiciously instead of the infallible, incorruptible lawmen. And Jessica’s saga has turned into Mad Max, and I’m so keen to see the twist of where she actually turns out to be. I did notice a few sections in this post that suffered from the multiple-short-sentences-in-a-row syntax that I’ve pointed out to a few players now, but it’s by far been the exception rather than the rule for you - but that doesn’t mean it isn’t something to watch.[/hider]
[hider=Green Lantern, Post 5]The sheriff and his whiskey, a classic staple. As a lover of westerns this whole portion of your story is excellent, although again the start up here does suffer a bit of the stop-and-start sentences. I like the mystery and we’re getting into conspiracy territory so I’m eager to see exactly what Hal uncovers on Cromica. Love love LOVE the trial scene, especially as I was expecting a council weighed against the Lanterns but in fact those present - Ronan included - act fairly towards all parties. And the negative zone twist is fun, bringing history into the story and wider speculation on what the Rannian are hiding. Cruz’ story gets more interesting by the second and the reveal of her location is terrific. Great stuff. You always leave me on a good cliffhanger eager to discover the next mystery![/hider]
[hider=Green Lantern, Post 6]The resolution of the trial was magical. I adored every second and seeing Sinestro’s breakdown at injustice underpins his villainous turn while making it clear that Justice is still a value he holds dearly, but perhaps indeed without the emotional objectivity that these kinds of legal procedures demand. The politics involved are wonderful as well - the outcry against Starforce and the Skrull is a nice glimpse at wider galactic goings-on between the various factions and races. I honestly feel more invested in Sinestro’s ongoing story than Hal or Cruz right now, because a compelling villain origin and a believable good-man-turned-bad is right up my wheelhouse. Recent oscar-nominated DC property movies notwithstanding. Hal’s speech against the Kree is illuminating and the resolution of the murder and the completion of Jelc’s arc is wonderful. Catching the blaster bolt is one hell of a MomentTM. Excellent stuff. Cromica is in safe hands.[/hider]

[@ComradeMaxx]
[hider=Superboy, Post 2]Honestly just a really solid post all around and for me personally a lot stronger than your first. Some lovely descriptive imagery with the shower scene and then a bit of wider information about the lab setting, and then something going on with the chair and the fluid that Superboy is aware of but we’ve yet to learn about in a reversed dramatic irony, and overall a really eye-opening look into what Superboy’s life is actually like, being held prisoner - whether he realises it or not - in this research compound with some definitively non-heroic goals in mind. And again the disobedience/non-compliance angle comes up. A great build on a good foundation.[/hider]

[@IceHeart]
[hider=Mantra, Post 3]It’s clear you’re trying to address the difficulties I had with your first two posts in this one and I really appreciate it. It’s a lot more obvious here that it’s the character and not the author and you show that he’s beginning to change his mindset. The rest is fine. I’m not blown away by your writing but it’s serviceable and you move the plot forward at a reasonable pace, and clearly we have the introduction of a rival or nemesis at the end here. Again, structure flow and syntax are all an issue and make reading the post a bit of a quagmire, and when you use dialogue as exposition you miss the opportunity to show a deeper thought process and give us some introspection. Mantra’s reflection could have been narration and would have felt better for it as we could see her inner thoughts and feelings about her own behaviour. Take a look at some of the other characters and try and notice how their prose is structured differently to create a more pleasant flow to the reading. It’s all about rhythm baby! Again, I’m more than happy to PM you using sections of your post with examples on things I would do to make it less awkward.[/hider]
[hider=Mantra, Post 4]Yeah, it’s fine. Kismet is a fun little parody and the impracticality of the sword in an appreciated injection of humour. The SHIELD application comes out of left-field - I certainly wasn’t expecting any kind of major organisation ties with such a magical character - but it raises some mysteries about Eden that give us a hook to learn a little more about our protag. Still a few typos so maybe think about proof-reading or finding a checker to do it for you, and having characters narrate their thought process out loud is always a little wonky. But otherwise a serviceable post and you’re clearly improving and getting more comfortable with the character as we progress.[/hider]

[@HenryJonesJr]
[hider=TMNT, Post 2]Love the turtles watching Star Trek and I love even more how you’ve used it less as a bit joke and more as another display of characterisation between the 4 brothers. I’m getting Kingpin vibes from Saki’s behaviour here and I can’t wait to see what he’s actually planning to do with New York. Another nemesis introduced, which I don’t mind but this is a lot of plates spinning now and sometimes simplicity is divine. Not to say it’s detracting from the quality but it may end up with your story feeling busy. But Raphael is going rogue, and that’s the start of something fun. Nice post.[/hider]
[hider=TMNT, Post 3]Loving the Casey and Raph team up and seeing more of Casey in general. I’ve noticed a few typos and some fudged coding - make sure you’re going through a final read of your post before you post just so you can catch those before they’re live. The preview tool especially will weed out any coding errors in particular. Shredder’s intro is exciting and I love the references to past seasons and events. And a glimpse at some wider TMNT lore with the Mutanimals is an interesting tonal change. I’m learning a lot. Nice job![/hider]
[hider=TMNT, Post 4]The encounter with the Mousers is fun - love Herman - and the follow up with Bishop’s reaction to the discovery of the Mutanimals is a nice little split-second Villain Breakdown that cements him as a determined antagonist against the turtles. All good villains believe they’re right, and that’s the angle we’re getting with Bishop. Raph’s quick summary of Shredder is great too, a kind of one-line Here’s-The-Sitch catch-up for readers like me. April stumbling upon Raphael and Casey gets the last of the whole crew together (as far as I’m aware?) and it’ll be fun to see her reaction. We’re getting the turtles back together and I’m guessing Don is referring to some kind of mobile base - again, I know bare minimum on TMNT, so I’m enjoying the discovery as your story progresses.[/hider]

[@Simple Unicycle]
[Hider=Vic Sage, Post 3]Please never stop with the companion tracks. They’ve been near sublime in setting the mood and listening to them with my headphones on while reading your post sets an atmosphere that no one else can scratch right now. No disrespect, of course, but when you’re engaging multiple inputs to a cohesive whole you naturally elevate yourself above those who aren’t. Anyway, it was great seeing some introspection from Vic and how frustrated he really is about the crime in his city, and how little he’s accomplishing. The foundation has been laid and laid thick. Looking forward to this Rodor relationship blossoming.[/hider]

[@Byrd Man]
[Hider=The Night Shift, Post 3]Love Kavanugh’s, a classic magical meeting ground for otherworldly beings. The Faw bartenders are a nice touch too, with the irish lilt and the riddle bartering - fae often don’t get used to their full potential - as child stealers/occasional eaters, tricksters, immortals without conscious and a completely alien set of morals. And Craddick looks like a very entertaining individual. Really getting into the meat of the case now and it’s thoroughly enjoyable; I like the references to Gotham’s history and a little bit more about what the team actually do on their day-to-day. Dr. Tarr is a wonderful weirdo.[/hider]

[@Bounce]
[Hider=Wildfire, Post 2]I like the little ISS section, it’s very plausibly written if that makes sense? As in you’ve done well to make it read like actual astronauts on the actual ISS dealing with the things they deal with. I’ll admit I don’t know what the ELSS is or what this prologue is foreshadowing but I’m excited to find out ! Some lovely descriptive writing and an intro to the setting. Still hoping to get a sense of Wildfire himself soon, though.[/hider]

[@Retired]
[hider=Captain America, Post 2]Love to see the background training behind Frank’s now prestigious position, and used to great effect to show why he was chosen, and what makes Frank so Frank-like - his sheer, indomitable determination and commitment to his mission, whether that’s murdering every criminal within visual range like the Frank we know and love, or throwing a shield until you get it perfect every time, like the Frank we’re getting to know. Seeing Frank in action as Cap is great and I love the explanation behind his capabilities - I was wondering how you were going to square Frank up against his foes without Steve’s serum, but you seem to have that covered. I do also like the specification of every physical way. I wonder if that will come back up. And Lieberman's new role is an entertaining spin on Microchip.[/hider]

[@Sep]
[Hider=Thor, Post 2]Some typos are immediately noticeable and just highlight the need for proofreading your work. Careening, not Careering. Again the syntax is choppy for me and I find myself stopping and starting a lot while reading, occasionally getting to the end of a passage and then re-reading with my own altered grammar in place to parse it a little better in my mind. It’s not world-ending but there are definitely places where I think a bit of careful thought and a wider grammar usage would go a long way towards improving the flow and making the whole post a smoother read. If you’re happy for me to do so I’ll PM you and try to highlight some particular passages and the different ways you can accomplish this. Otherwise, this was a good post. A mystery being set up about the fate of the ship and what caused such carnage while leaving only one survivor, especially as with the presence of women, children, and presumably cryo-pods (?) it’s definitely not a war vessel and more likely a civilian cruiser. I don’t know anything about Beta-Ray Bill but a quick google shows me he’s a hard-won ally of Thor so it will be interesting to watch the relationship evolve, or if you’re going for a different approach and taking a villainous angle then jesus you’ve given him great motivation and being able to sympathise with a villain only makes them more entertaining. It’s a great post and moves the story in an interesting direction. Nice job![/hider]
[hider=Thor, Post 3]Syntax and a lot of singular sentences strung together one after another without mixing up the flow. It’s not awful but it is noticeable, and noticing it takes me away from really getting immersed in what’s going on. This is probably my biggest gripe for a number of writers here but unfortunately I don’t know that it’s one that can be easily rectified, and I don’t want to go around teaching people how to write like I do, because I have my own foibles, but it is something to think about. Maybe an exercise for you and some others could be to count the numbers of different kinds of punctuation you’re using, and see how many times you end sentences rather than allowing them to run on a bit with a comma or segue with a semi-colon. Anyway, still love seeing Odin and his history, and interesting to see his brothers too who I never see being touched upon. I love Loki’s introduction, and it was great seeing Thor give in to his warrior nature and go full beserker, a flaw he’s struggled with as a character a lot before and will continue to do so in your story as well. And Loki has that nasty tongue and words sharper than any blade in Asgard - and some clear disdain for his brother, which again is a classic staple of the character. Looking forward to more interaction between the two, and to some deeper characterisation of Beta-Ray Bill now that he’s been captured.[/hider]
[hider=Thor, Post 4]Odin’s got one hell of a temper this go around! This really shows Odin’s flaws as a father and a leader and portrays him as the indomitable warrior-king rather than the wise sorcerer. You can see where Thor gets his anger from and how Odin’s disapproval of his son has driven Thor to these outbursts to try and make his father proud. Loki as the snake in the ear is also a nice touch. A good set up post for Thor’s impending landing on Earth. A shame that we didn’t get to hear from Frejya, and Sif perhaps could have served better than the damsel to be left behind.[/hider]
[hider=Thor, Post 5]I think this is probably the last time I’ll mention syntax and proofreading. That aside, Loki and Thor’s parting words on the Bifrost set up some lovely foreshadowing of Loki’s machinations, and Thor’s initial landing on Earth is a humorous fish-out-of-water that shows off a lot of Thor’s pride and hubris. It’s well done and we’re definitely going to see modern man and Thor struggling to understand each other and work together. I am interested to see Thor play the detective to discover exactly what this impending apocalyptic threat is, though.[/hider]

[@Mao Mao]
[Hider=Wonder Woman, Post 1]I recall not being entirely enthralled by Wonder Woman’s exploits the last go around and so far, while I admit this is far better written than previous games, I can’t say much has changed. But as I didn’t particularly enjoy her recent movie or much of anything WW-related I am beginning to feel this is just a character I do not ‘click’ with and not any specific fault of the writer’s. However it’s clear you’re spinning a lot of plates and taking a more political angle now and the continuation of the canon through WW is admirable and handled gracefully; the dream sequence recounting the events of Stryfe’s execution with a twist is delightful as well, and I certainly appreciated being caught up to speed ! Overall a nice start. Looking forward to seeing your grander plans.[/hider]
[hider=Wonder Woman, Post 2]It still feels dry for me but I appreciate the clerical detail you’re trying to go into to show the true fallout of Diana’s actions from the last game and how public perception of her has truly shifted. The visit from Clint was definitely the highlight of the post for me but the stranger floating onto the balcony felt extremely out of left field. I understand it’s a vehicle to progress the plot but it definitely felt a bit incongruent in the moment. There’s still a bit of short-sentence-itis apparent too. Still, we’re getting into the proper hook of your story now and I’m interested to unlock the mystery.[/hider]

[@Dusty]
[hider=Green Arrow, Post 1]A strong start to your story and I look forward to Oliver’s campaign. Some great history and origin given here as well as a brief cameo by who I assume will be your overarching villain of the season, but you’ve been careful not to let comic book crusaders and costumes get in the way of some real human emotions and characterisation. Oliver is obviously committed to his mission and will not be swayed, though he still has loved ones he’s sworn to protect, and there’s a clear divide between the man waging war in Star City and the man who wants a peaceful life with those he cares about. It’ll be interesting seeing those two sides of him duke it out. Your prose is nice but there is the odd hiccup or slightly awkward line, but they’re few and far between and don’t take me out of the story as much as some other posts have. Great start, I hope you can keep this momentum.[/hider]

[@Hound55]
[hider=Fantastic Four/Blue Beetle, Post 1]I gotta say I’m very lost at several point in your post and I will have to read your sheet(s?) thoroughly but I fear I may be missing some historical context as well. Regardless however it’s very well written and your portrayals of Janet, Hank, and Ted are as entertaining as ever with the distinct character of each fully intact from the last time I read any of your Blue Beetle. The fantastic four unfortunately pale a bit in comparison but Doom is excellent.[/hider]

[@Pacifista]
[hider=Hulk, Post 1]The first thing I notice immediately is a few typos and odd grammatical choices that trip me up the first time going over them and make me go back and take the line again with an understanding of what you meant rather than what you wrote. Proofreading would help the smoothness of the post. Otherwise this is a great first post; reference to previous arcs, some insight into Banner from his loved ones, and a tidy flashback that sets up the villain (Ross) and the obstacle (the serum) to come and tells us where we’re headed this season. It’s a shame we didn’t see any of Banner himself though, but I’m sure we’ll get there.[/hider]

[@Morden Man]
[hider=Martian Manhunter, Post 1]Wow. What a debut. The Manhunter is a true anti-hero in this and the scene has been written with grace. There’s some clear strong emotion boiling under the surface that drives our Martian to such atrocities. You did an excellent job pushing the Centaurians as villains and J’onn’s intervention as a classic heroic act only to turn it on its head, and to see it through Drex’s eyes is a wonderful touch. To flip Drex’s admonishment on its head at the end as well - great stuff. J’onn’s alignment is clearly to his own cause, and I look forward to learning more about what drives him.[/hider]
[hider=Martian Manhunter, Post 2]Jack Knight is a great character and I always love seeing canon strangers in these games as it gives me the best opportunity to experience the writer’s true vision for the character without any preconceptions to colour my reaction. It’s a lovely post and I’m keen to see how Jack’s story intertwined with J’onn’s. Your writing gets very descriptive at times and reminds me of some of my own pieces, including where it can get a bit flowery and purple. But no real complaints - this was a great post.[/hider]
[hider=Martian Manhunter, Post 3]I’m liking the cosmic angle we’re getting from all these exterior characters, and it feels like while the story is about the Martian Manhunter - who is truly living up to his moniker - it’s being told from the perspective of those his actions affect. It’s a nice touch and an interesting angle to play a character from, one i’ve considered a few times. J’onn’s fallout on the Kymellian people is fantastic to see and the projected fallout from the Centaurians adds another level of cosmic scope to the events we’ve witnessed. J’onn feels almost mythical in your setting, and his actions have inspired both fear and deification.[/hider]