[b]Grimalkin![/b]

This is the best programming that Eupheria Productions has produced in the past fifty keplon. (A keplon is "however long it is for Eupheria to decide that it's time for a new one," naturally.) Sure, the game of [i]Heist![/i] was boring and ridiculous, but watching Mittens the Kitten crush the competition with your heat vision is delightful. She moves like a flickering star, leaving a trail of her flushed cheeks dwindling behind her. It's been impossible not to see her ever since she landed on the Dance of the Thousand Web Vipers.

Every keplon is going to be like this from here on out. You and your family are going to get to bring the good news of Eupheria to the rest of Hyperborea. ("Congratulations! Have you ever thought that everything was too ordinary, mundane and boring? Well, you'll never have to worry about that again!") You'll be her hands and eyes and ears all throughout the world, bringing her new agendas and ideas and whims to her new forever kingdom, and, yes, there'll be Truth or Dare whenever Eupheria wants.

(The king wiggling out of her Truth by saying that Somebody, who always left the tap open but also always brought her flowers, was her favorite daughter, may have been boring, but Eska's interpretative friendship dance was worth the price of admission alone, and Rita's own admission that she really [i]did[/i] like pears on her lemon cakes had been scandalous!)

The bell signaling that Alina Cascade has made her seventh score begins to chime, low and deep, and you hop to your feet cheering: "IN THE PIT! IN THE PIT! IN THE PIT!"

***

[b]Adila![/b]

Your keen senses allow you a moment to drag your claws down the side of the pit after it opens up beneath you. Eupheria might have gotten you once by surprise, but she won't get you twice! No, you will clamber back up and demand she let you back into the labyrinth by a more dignified--

That's when Dandy's butt lands right on your snout, and with a surprised yelp you fall, tucking yourself in around her in order to shield her fall. Down and sideways and up you tumble until you shoot right out into a muddy, murky swamp. It smells awful, and Dandy wrinkles her nose as you manage to hold her up over the bog, though for how long you can keep her from it is anyone's guess, with the way you're slowly sinking into it.

"Thanks for the catch, sugarcube," she says, giving you a very comforting pat on your tumtum. "Sakes alive, I wish that witch would give us a little more warning before she tosses us around!" Then, she freezes up, and says, in a hoarse whisper, "There's more of those freaky black centaurs here, but I don't think they've spotted us yet..."

***

[b]Kathelia![/b]

You land in a twisting maze of crystal tunnels, each one slowly building in magical power. Every now and then, one will shoot off a beam of magic, doubtlessly very dangerous to get hit by. There are two extra problems to consider, too. One is that Eska is here too, and has managed to land some distance away. She's the most likely competitor to turn on you and leave you encased in crystal or dangling from the ceiling to "weed out the competition."

The other problem is, well...

"HERE WE ARE, A PERFECT TEAM! TRY TO AVOID THE LASER BEAM!"

There is a cheerleader on top of you and thinking is hard and, wow, is she wearing perfume to cover up the fact she's been sweating as she cheered for you all? And is she wiggling, and, agh, no, you need to be thinking about Eska, not about bouncy foxes with beautiful smiles and how she's looking at you even though you're a tiny dweeb and aaaaaaah

***

[b]Alina![/b]

Azora cheers and gives you a smothering hug, and that's how you miss the part where Eupheria claps her hands and all the other princesses fall into pits. By the time you manage to wriggle your way out of her arms, hissing a little, the nightmare creatures up on the bleachers are vacating, making sure to litter as much as possible on their way out, and Eupheria is standing very, very close in her bridal gown, and suddenly it's just the four of you: Azora, Adila I, Eupheria and you.

"Congratulations on winning the Princess Olympics," she says, grinning, shaking all three of you by the hand and giving you all head pats. "First place gets... tea with me! Aren't the three of you just the luckiest little girls in all of Hyperborea?"

She raises the Caduceus and a terrible hissing, screeching noise fills the arena. One of the walls dilates into a tunnel, and a harsh light shines forth. A gleaming parody of a goblin locomotive comes hurtling out, laying down track in front of itself with giant gloved hands reminiscent of Eupheria's own. It comes shuddering to a halt right in front of you, and the doors in its sides shudder open with an unpleasantly wet squelch. It rocks from side to side, full of barely contained energy, as Eupheria gestures for you to enter the dining car.

Congratulations on your victory!