"Wait!" Adam followed her out the door, then froze when he got to the bottom of the stairs. Their house...their beautiful, immaculate house...was a total pig sty! There were food containers laying about, dirty clothes piled everywhere, and bottle after empty bottle of cheap, shitty beer. The living room didn't have any furniture aside from a grungy couch, a crooked table, and a TV sat on a stool. A man was slumped over on the couch, slack jawed, the TV still going.

Adam walked around to get a look at him, Barbara behind him. 

"[i]This[/i] is who bought our house?" She asked. "Adam, he's trashed the place! We have to get rid of him!" 

"But how, Barbara? He can't see us, and we aren't scary!"

The man stirred a little. 

Barbara glared at him. "Adam. We're ghosts, dammit. Let's...HAUNT THIS BITCH!" 

"Barbara!" 

She grabbed him under the arm and hauled him upstairs. They were going to find a way to get this nasty slob out of here! 

Meanwhile, Lawrence began to stir. He sat up slowly. He could have sworn he just heard people talking...maybe he'd just drunk too much... He rested his throbbing head in his palms, then leaned over to pick up his phone. Six missed called from 'Mom'. 

"Argh!" He tossed the phone down and rubbed his face. He'd only been living here a few days when she'd shown up on the doorstep, cursing and yelling and trying to force her way in. That was a few months ago, and life had just gone downhill since then. The car lot wasn't doing too hot, bills were piling up, and he only ever felt like laying on the couch, sleeping. 

He stood and slowly drug himself up the stairs towards the bedroom. About that time, two people with bedsheets thrown over their heads came around the corner, making really cheesy ghost sounds. 

"The fuck?" Lawrence squinted. He was too hung over for this shit. "Did I have a crackhead orgy and forget about it?" 

The two "ghosts" paused. "NoOoOoOoO We'Re GhOstS!" Adam said in a wailing voice. 

"Did you two break in here to steal shit? Because I don't have any-"

"No! We're here to haunt you! We want you out of our house!" Barbara snapped. Beetlejuice raised his hands defensively. 

"Hey, I bought this house fair and square. Also, ghosts aren't real." He grabbed a nearby hockey stick and used it to lift the bottom of Barbara's ghost sheet. "What're ya' wearin' under there? Nothing? Ya'll some kinky ghosts?" 

Barbara scoffed and swatted the stick away. "You aren't scared of us?"

"No...why would I be scared of two dorks in sheets? Also, why did you break into my house?" 

"We're [i]ghosts[/i], and this is [i]our[/i] house!" Adam insisted. "Wait...you can see us without the sheets?" He slowly pulled his off. Lawrence looked pretty disappointed that they weren't actually naked under them. 

"Yeah. Why wouldn't I be able to?" 

Barbara floated up through the floor in front of him to prove her point. "Because the living shouldn't be able to see us! That's what that woman said." Lawrence jumped back, a little startled, but hardly frightened. 

"Oh shit...so you two are...like, [i]real[/i] ghosts?" 

"Yes! That's what we've been telling you this whole time!" Adam was getting frustrated. "Now, if you could so kindly leave our house forever-"

"Whoa whoa whoa. Ghosts or not, I bought this house with my bottom dollar. I'm not leaving," Lawrence crossed him arms huffily. "Not even two sexy ghosts can change my mind. Actually, it might be a better reason to stay!" He cackled. 

Barbara let out an indignant cry and grabbed Adam, pulling him up towards the ceiling and back into the attic to revise their plan. Lawrence watched them, his grin falling almost as soon as they were gone. Huh, so there [i]was[/i] an afterlife...He wondered if it was any better than his current one. Well, only one way to find out! Lawrence made his way to the roof to test his theory. It wasn't like this hadn't been in the back of his mind for a while now, anyway.