[quote=@Sep]
<Snipped quote by Roman>

Gave me a lot to think about. Obviously I still have much to learn from you o'mighty master in regards to wherever the syntax issues are coming from. AS honestly a lot of the time, even on re-reads, I'm not seeing them.

In terms of the Loki subplot there's more to come, just you wait and see.
[/quote]

Retired used to recommend reading posts out loud a lot, which I think sometimes work but often when you write you know the rhythm you're chasing, so sometimes reading your own writing just has you putting that rhythm in unconsciously and not seeing the issues that an outside observer sees. I'd be happy to take some passages that feel especially awkward and try to demonstrate what you've done and the ways it could be broken up to make the flow of the read a little more pleasant.