[quote=@HaleyTheRandom]
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[indent][indent][indent][indent][indent][color=lightgray][i]Turbulence.

It's something you almost always get on a flight. Wind. Storms. High altitudes. The thought of crashing any moment.

Your anxiety levels are higher than your current altitude. While you're used to making business trips back and forth across the globe, it still doesn't mean you didn't have to take sleeping medication before boarding your flight. It still doesn't change the fact that while you and your coworker exchange smiles* from across the aisle*, that one of the engines just went out. The oxygen masks deploy, the pilot's voice coming over the intercom. It's not just your anxiety anymore.

Thoughts of your loved ones rush through your head. Why didn't you use those vacation days? Why didn't you press snooze on your alarm just one more time this morning?  

The plane nose dives as the people around you scream, pray, and hug their children. The flight attendant insists that you must all remain calm as she buckles herself in.

Everything goes black.[/i][/color][/indent][/indent][/indent][/indent][/indent]

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I really like your introduction, it definitely teases something -- but I think it could go a little further. Really paint the picture. I’ve taken a lot of flights, something that I associate with flying is the safety video, strangely enough. I’ve taken that many that I don’t watch it anymore. Could you maybe write something about the person here doing the same?

You skip over the safety presentation, remembering to stow your luggage in the overhead storage, pushing your seatbelt closed until it clicks, tugging on the band. 

In fact, you could make the whole intro like a safety run through - just incredibly mundane and boring until you hit them with the whammy of what’s happening! Just a thought! What you have is nice, already -- but I think you can stretch it further and really play with your source material.

You could end it with a “The Safety Video didn’t tell us what happens next.” or something, because clearly the crash is the starting point for this -- the rest is a sandbox of opportunity. Imagine being in that scenario. The plane going down, the way that the change in altitude fucks with the pressure in your ears. For some reason, I can really clearly hear ice cubes rattling - I can see an air hostesses trolley flying down the aisle.

There’s just a few little things that would give it that touch of polish and not only be interesting and enticing, but being [i]actually[/i] anxiety inducing to read as well. 

I don’t particularly know how to go about critiquing someone else's rules or sheet, since mine are so basic hehe! But this is a great start -- I wonder if you may have sat on this OOC for a while and maybe when you take a look back at it, you have fresh eyes and new ideas that have formed with giving it distance. 

Also apologies for the very long wait. I've been kept far away from my computer.

This is such a great concept though, Haley, I'd love to keep an eye on this RP because Desert Island Stranded stories are so great!