[center][h2]Oh Foo Number Two[/h2][/center]

Cadien stood outside of the portal to Illyd’s realm.

It had been some time since their last conversation, but the storm over the Highlands had ceased. So, Cadien figured it was time to approach Illyd and see how his attempts to aid Acadia were going. 

Unfortunately, Illyd was nowhere to be found in Antiquity, which led Cadien to believe that the God of Agriculture was within his realm, despite his earlier misgivings about a ‘nasty lady.’ Perhaps he had dealt with the problem on his own? A good thing, then. The very concept of a god being pressured out of their own realm seemed embarrassing, but Cadien had been kind enough not to say this to Illyd’s face.

Anyhow, it was time to see what awaited him on the other side. Without further ado, Cadien stepped through the portal.

Immediately he was met with the usual sunny blue skies of the valley -- complete with lazy clouds of white drifting across its visage. Breezy waves blew through the sea of golden wheat that seperated Cadien from the tiny copse of trees where he first talked with Illyd. The only thing that seemed different was the sound. 

Instead of the gentle songs of the valley birds there was the torrentus sound of the creek swollen with rain water. But that wasn’t it -- a more unnatural symphony or even cacophony of sounds broke over the top of even the sound of the rushing water. It didn’t take Cadien’s eyes long to spot the source over by the trees.

A lady in a black dress, wearing a wicked smile was humming and cackling along to a terrible looking band (if you could even call it such). Misshapen and small beings of blood red skin, tiny horns, whippet tails and broken faces were pounding metal bins, strumming single strings, blowing crooked trumpets, and clapping big discs to make the most discordant sound that Cadien had ever heard. Behind the impish band, Illyd stood with his hands on his hips and a contemplative look on his face -- a single straw of hay jutting out.

[color=violet]“I don’t suppose you could turn that racket off!?”[/color] Cadien shouted as he began to approach.

A gurgling cackle met his request and Diana’s eyes widened, “Dearest Cadien! What a hideous compliment.” Her hands waved but the racket continued with vigor. 

Cadien ignored her. [color=violet]“Illyd, why precisely do you tolerate such wretched creatures within your own realm?”[/color]

Illyd chewed on the straw in thought while Diana seemed to cackle once again at the latest comment. After a moment he plucked it from his mouth, “It seems to be somewhat of a compromise.”

Cadien’s brow furrowed. [color=violet]“A compromise? Need I remind you that this is [i]your[/i] realm?”[/color]

“Now if only it were that simple, good buddy,” Illyd looked over at the god but Diana slipped in between them -- the impish racket dying down. Her cheshire grin creaked wide.

“Now Cadien, it isn’t very polite to talk over another as if they aren’t even there.” She said in just the wrong way.

[color=violet]“Nor is it polite to assail a visitor’s ears with the sounds of a collapsing pot shop,”[/color] Cadien retorted.

“Oh dear,” Diana looked over at Illyd before cracking a grin at Cadien, “A gentleman such as yourself should slow down with the compliments lest he be figured too eager.”

“I’m sorry ‘bout her, Cadien,” Illyd waved a hand and the imps and their instruments seemed to fade away, Diana meeting it with an ‘oh foo’. The god stepped forward so all three were in equal distance, “Ye see, I let her -- er what’s the word? Exhaust herself here and there and it keeps her from.” He looked at Diana, “With respect, ma’am, but keeps your from bothering myself.”

Diana cackled, “Gentlemen, this is really too much.”
 
“Right.” Illyd said simply before looking back at Cadien, “As for -- well as for eviction. It is simply not possible.”

“Oh you may try,” Diana leaned back, a gnarled root crumbling out of the ground for her to lounge on, “But I’ll always be right around the corner.”

[color=violet]“What does that mean?”[/color] Cadien asked. [color=violet]“Did she come in here from another realm? Has some other god created her?”[/color]

Illyd raised his palms, “Not quite, good buddy. Ye see, this is actually a unique and delicate situation I’m findin’ myself in and quite frankly one that could prove dangerous should it ever spread.”

“Spread? Well I never!” Diana huffed and Illyd ignored it with a deep inhale. 

He turned to Diana, “Ma’am. May I?”

Diana flickered her sickly eyes between the two before rolling them, “If you must, darling, if you must.”

“Cadien, watch this,” Illyd nodded at his friend before snapping his fingers. A jolt of lightning rocked out of the sky and ignited Diana -- evaporating her nigh instantly. Illyd held out his hands as if shrugging at Cadien and the scorch mark where Diana was standing. Just as silence fell over the two and it seemed to just be the strangest of exhibitions, an uncomfortable laugh sounded behind Cadien.

“Well now wasn’t that just viciously violent,” Diana folded her hands together, “How unlike you, Illyd -- or is it? Hm?”

Illyd pointed at the lady, “See?”

Cadien turned toward Diana and approached to inspect her more closely. [color=violet]“So whenever she is destroyed, she winds up being remade?”[/color]

“Oh my, you two are quite the daring detectives, aren’t you?” Diana patronized, “May I breathe a little intelligence into this drooling conversation?”

Cadien ignored her. He turned back to Illyd. “If you aren’t the one recreating her, then who is?”

“Me.” Diana and Illyd said at the same time, forcing a heavy sigh from Illyd. He ran his fingers through his curly hair and exhaled.

“See, good buddy. We gods made our realms and everything in them, yeah? Our very physical forms are because of ourselves -- nearly reflections of our nature,” Illyd gulped, “But I guess I had a freckle somewhere.”

“Freckle?” Diana huffed.

“What I’m sayin’ is that if it is possible that my own flaws and er.. What’s the word?” He tapped his chin.

“Thesaurus, dear?” Diana leaned to the side of Cadien to see Illyd. 

“Nah, not Thes-” Illyd frowned, “What I mean to say, [i]Cadien[/i], is that us -- the gods-- can naturally create or form the worst fragments of ourselves even without intention, and should there be anyone holdin’ onto something worse than... Diana, here. Well imagine.”

“Hard to imagine,” Diana crossed her arms.

[color=violet]“I don’t understand,”[/color] Cadien said. [color=violet]“Even if you can’t unmake her, why listen to her at all? Why not lock her in some sort of box, out of sight and out of mind? What power does she have?”[/color]

“Not so much of a surprise that you can’t quite understand,” Diana nodded, “But that’s okay, what’s the world without a little relativity. So you see, dear, I am sight and mind -- he sees what I see and vice versa. You can’t ignore yourself... well maybe you can. It would explain your wardrobe.” She pointed at the sole, sad loincloth.  

“So what you mean to tell me, then,” Cadien said to Illyd, “is that your mind is broken? You do not have full control over your own thoughts?”

Illyd looked down, as if a blow had struck him -- Diana’s cackling worsening the look in his eyes. The lady hooked her elbow around Cadien’s, “How inconsiderately cruel.”

Cadien lashed out, and with a single punch Diana’s head exploded like a ripe watermelon. [color=violet]“Is it true, though?”[/color] he asked, wiping the oddly black blood off his face with disgust.

“It might as well be, right dear?” Diana had both her hands on Illyd’s shoulders, having formed behind him.

“Somethin’ of the sort, Cadien,” Illyd answered, “But I think the bigger issue is if this were to happen to someone without... well someone else, Cadien. You know the others more than I do -- you know what could happen better than I could.” 

“The humility,” Diana yawned, “It really doesn’t suit you.”

[color=violet]“Does she truly pose any threat beyond nagging you, though?”[/color] Cadien questioned.

Illyd shrugged, “This is rather new to me, good buddy. I figure’n I can just watch and see what she does from my hammock.”

“As if I’m the exhibit case here,” Diana crooked a brow.

[color=violet]“Hmm. Well, we really should find a way to fix this mind of yours, though I’m not sure who to consult. In the meantime… keep an eye on her, I suppose? Maybe you’ll come up with something on your own.”[/color]

“As if he has a choice,” Diana began to idly pluck at Illyd’s harp.

“For once she has a point,” Illyd agreed, “I can do my best, res’ assured of that.” 

“Good luck to you then. For what it’s worth, you have my condolences. Farewell.” And with those words, Cadien began walking back toward the realm’s portals. But just before crossing the threshold, he turned back to look to Diana.

[color=violet]“Oh, one more thing,”[/color] he said, this time referring directly to her. [color=violet]“As a god of beauty, I must say that your appearance could surely use improvement. So uh… let me just make you less of an eyesore for poor Illyd here.”[/color] Then, he snapped his fingers.

And in that moment, Diana’s appearance began to change. Her clammy skin became smooth, unblemished, and perfect. Her bloodshot eyes became a clear healthy white, and her irises became a bright purple similar to Cadien’s. Her hair unbound itself, then grew and curled, falling just below her shoulders. Even her bone structure began to shift, going closer to the human standards of ideal beauty. The rest of her physique soon followed.

She was beautiful.

[color=violet]“Might be my finest work yet,”[/color] Cadien mused. Diana’s newly cleared eyes grew dark with rage, her suddenly perfect lips twisting with anger. She twitched as a low growl formed in her chest.

Her rage seemed to stall a moment as she caught sight of her hand, her nail perfectly polished and unchewed. Instinctively she snapped her straightened teeth over the edge and gnawed, angry eyes glaring at Cadien. She spat and then it all came out.

“WHAT HAVE YOU DONE!?” She charged the man, hand ready for a stiff slap.

[color=violet]“A difficult thing, adjusting to a new form,”[/color] Cadien smiled. [color=violet]“I’ll give you some time.”[/color] And with those words he stepped through the portal just in time to hear her shout that she was ‘Just as ugly as you are now’.

[hider=Summary]

Whew okay let’s see. Cadien visits Illyd and is intercepted by Diana playing with her new band of imps and trash cans. Cadien without any reserve openly flirts with Diana, then Illyd explains the nature of her existence; claiming she is an extension of himself, a figment of his own imagination that perpetually exists solely in his realm. He warns Cadien that if another god were to have the same issue but worse, it could be cataclysmic. Dire news indeed, so Cadien makes Diana beautiful, which enrages her. We end there.
[/hider]