Of course Brendon was suspicious- he’d given Ryan his heart, and Ryan had just. Sat there. Stared at him, in complete silence. Brendon remembered at first thinking- it’s okay, it’s a big deal to say you’re in love with someone, they need time to process it. The seconds passed, though, the time stretched out and became painful, and Brendon felt his vulnerable heart start to sink, sore with the burn of rejection that started to settle into his bones. As the quiet stretched on, he had come to the realisation that Ryan wasn’t trying to think of a response at all. He’d confessed and it hadn’t been worth it. The ten minutes he had between then and Ryan knocking on his door had been ridiculously and humiliatingly painful- he stood in the shower, frantically pushing his hands through his hair and scrubbing himself, trying to distract himself from his feelings with the urgency of it all, but only succeeding in disguising his own crying, even when he fiercely blinked it all away. Feeling numb and hurt and confused and stupid, he had sat on his bed, deciding he was leaving.

Even with Ryan apparently now returning the feeling, he was still set on leaving- mostly because he didn’t believe him. This was just self preservation from the both of them- Brendon leaving because he couldn’t stand knowing he wasn’t loved as he loved him; Ryan blurting out words he didn’t mean that held a dangerously heavy implication to save himself from being on his own again. It was terrifying and confusing, and Brendon felt like he had whiplash, being rejected and accepted within twenty minutes... That said. The nature of Ryan’s confession, though suspicious and rushed, was sweet, took his breath away. Ryan wasn’t a liar. The elated grin on his face was genuine and contagious and Brendon felt a rush of adrenaline at the prospect of such intense feelings being returned. Once he started believing him, it became obvious- what else could they be but in love, with the ridiculous closeness they shared? 

Still, through this happiness, he was confused, needed answers. It was still almost surreal despite how much it also just made complete sense. [i]I know.[/i] Ryan was shaking his head, with an urgency Brendon had never seen from him before. His insistence made it feel real. [i]I’m sorry. I’m dumb. I don’t know.[/i] Nodding along, fascinated by this change to his countenance, Brendon was smiling faintly, before it turned into a grin, so endlessly amused and enamoured by Ryan’s endearing breathlessness. He felt important. When he laughed, Brendon laughed with, only lighter, he didn’t want to overpower this side from him that he had never, ever seen. [i]Then do it![/i] As Ryan got up onto his knees, now looking down on him, Brendon met his eyes, amazed, smiling dreamily like this man had really hung the stars in the sky.

And then, a hand was passing through his hair, and Brendon let his lids fall, as he gazed up at him, eyelashes skimming his cheeks, completely content and yet on edge because this was so bizarre, so out of character, it still didn’t feel real. [b]“Who are you?”[/b] He asked, raising his eyebrows. [b]“Quick, say something normal, like- be an asshole, so I know it’s really you and I’m not fuckin’- dreaming.”[/b] But Ryan was tilting his head up, all gentle. Brendon could cry. He followed his eyes down and bit his lip apprehensively. Was he really going to? Ryan, the literal hermit? [i]Before you kill me- can I kiss you first?[/i] Though this all felt constructed and dreamlike, the hand in Brendon’s hair grounded him to reality. This was happening- Ryan loved him back and love turned him into this excitable puppy, bursting with energy, and Brendon had never loved anything more, the two of them there, usually both closed off and cynical. A kiss would seal it all, spell an irreversible change. But Brendon wasn’t scared. Enough time had been spent thinking about this very moment.

Leaning back, supporting himself with one hand against the mattress, and bringing the other up to grab onto the front Ryan’s shirt, Brendon pulled Ryan in to kiss him, with confidence- once he was in close, he moved his hand to firmly hold onto Ryan’s jaw, keeping him in place as he struggled not to smile against his mouth, trying to savour this moment that he wanted to be perfect. Unfortunately, an afterthought ruined it for him. He pulled away suddenly, lips parted. [b]“I- Ryan, fuck.”[/b] His voice was low, but he was smiling. [b]“I need to get dressed, oh my god. Look at me.”[/b] A quick glance down would confirm that Brendon was indeed still only in a towel that was wrapped around his waist- an accident waiting to happen. He gazed at Ryan, adoring, but pressed a hand against his chest to try and encourage him to move.