It's cruel of her to fight like this. To sag her head and squirm the way she is right now. Her muffled grunts of pain are like vicious little daggers in the back of the person who least deserves it in all the world. But why not? Why not be cruel? Everything already hurts so much Alina feels like she's going to tear herself in two. So why can't she be selfish and delay this final horror one more minute?

How is this possible? How can she be the same girl who stared down her literal nightmares all alone in the cold and the rain and told them that she loved them? How can she be the same person who was able to hold, and then more importantly [I]let go of[/I] the Caduceus? Had she really saved Askaia from the Slaugh? It didn't feel real anymore. A princess who caused so much needless pain and doomed Hyperborea on her way couldn't possibly have done all those things. She goes slack, and her gag comes out. Now she needs to talk, too.

"Oh, Diana. I..."

She doesn't have another crystal growing in her heart to punish her this time. No magical muteness to hide behind, no excuses for her weakness. Ourania could probably turn her into a portrait or something, even now, but of course she's only sitting there. Watching. And gag or no gag, she most certainly hasn't explained things to Diana, either. This is her real punishment. This moment, right here. Alina's vision goes blurry with tears, and she makes no effort to stop them anymore. What would be the point?

The only good thing in all of this is that Cassian had to swap her handcuffs to chain her legs to this wardrobe. The Garthim watch her every move, but at least she's free to wrap herself around the bravest witch in the whole world and give her the hug she deserves. She strokes Diana's pale hair with loving tenderness, the way she wishes someone would do to her, and holds the trembling girl steady. Her words are all choking up her throat, so stalls for time just that little bit extra by slowly easing Diana back into a lying position, with her head cradled in Alina's lap. She tries to smile, but her face is only misery. One hand be caresses Diana's cheek.

"I promise, I'm going to..."

This time she does have to stop and wipe away her tears. She can't say that! She can't! All she's doing right now is getting this poor girl's face wet. She sniffles, and wishes her heart would just stop, just stop, just for one second stop breaking.

"I'm so sorry!" There it is at last. Alina's shaking almost as feverishly as Diana, but now that she's found her voice the words just keep tumbling out like a waterfall, "I'm so sorry! I'm so, so sorry! This never should have happened! It's all my fault! I was so selfish! I'm such a coward! Oh Diana, did they really take your magic? Did they... oh no, no no no that's so... that's just... that's how he got in here, isn't it? It's all my fault!

Shh, no, don't say anything, you don't understand! We never... I never actually needed a spy! I didn't have a plan, I lied to you! I knew exactly what kind of person he is and what he's capable of and I threw you to him anyway! I, I, I [I]used[/I] you! I pushed you in front of me like a selfish brat because I was too scared and too weak to face him myself like I should have! And if I'd just... if I'd just hurried, maybe I could have... b-b-but I... I couldn't even manage that! I still don't have a plan! I never learn! I just, just hoped everything would turn out ok because I'm just the kind of sparkle brained ditz he said I was! I'm sorry, Diana! I'm so, so..."

And then there's no more space for words because all she's got left are hot, stinging tears. Alina cries her heart out, not even daring to look Diana in the face because she can't bear to see her looking up with that same cold distance and disdain she saw on Kazelia's face. She just can't, ok? She's a coward, she already said so! So just... just let her keep holding Diana, ok? Let her offer these meager comforts until the end. She deserves so much more, but without her lights, without a miracle, without the Caduceus in her hands anymore, what is she supposed to do?

"I'm... I p-promise I'm going to fix this, ok? I, I'm not sure what I... but, please, let me try. Please please please, let me try. Whatever I can do, from now until forever, just ask and I'll do it! I promise, ok? I know that's not worth anything, but I, but still I..."