[hider=The Treasure Which All Men Seek]

Almighty then.

The prose had a certain flow to it that I liked. It broke a few rules that I hold dear to my heart, but it was enjoyable to read. I didn’t find myself stumbling along the words or the like. It was very easy to read. There were a few more adjectives than I would like, but the descriptions for everything were playful and worked for the mood of the story. 

I’ll admit that I don’t think I fully understand the story. I mean I get the impression he wasn’t actually teleported, but when he touched the walls a clone appeared in this dreamlike world. So it’s “The Treasure Which All Men Seek” because it’s all just a reflection of his glory days, and while he can reminisce he can’t bring those ideas back? I’m not really an artsy type, but I think that was pretty decent for the length of the story.
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by [@Gwynbleidd]

[hider=The Dowry of Böðvildr]

Longneckreactionguy.PNG

I don’t really have anything to comment on in regards to how the prose is written. That is to say nothing negative. It was written with an interesting dialect that made the fantasy elements apparent before they were even introduced. It also wasn’t so intrusive that it became hard to read. So that was a pleasant sunrise.

Composition wise though, yea. I’m going to say I was interested through the entire thing. But then after I read the end, there was a bit of a “that’s it?” moment for me. The treasure in this story didn’t really feel that significant. She could have opened that chest and found a rusty broadsword and things would have played out the same. But I was in the mood for something dark, and that was pretty good. So thanks for that.
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by [@Kassarock]

[hider=The pendant of Moiros]

Been a while since I read about best bard Mikhal and his buddy Trevor.

Before I get too into it, I just want to say “There is no way we can enter the castle with that bloody mermaid guarding the entrance.” made me smile.

I think there was a part where quotations were missing, but there was otherwise nothing wrong with the writing. It got the job done, you know? But I can’t help but feel that a lot of the dialog feels a bit vanilla. Mikhal and Trevor have wildly different personalities, but they use a lot of the same words and talk like all the other characters. Yes, Trevor is clearly the more violent of the two while Mikhal is  more willing to outwit his mark. But I feel like something that would really take these characters to the next level was if they had a bit more flavor to their dialog.

[quote]Trevor crossed his arms in front of his chest. “I’ll take me knife and slit the dame’s throat if I gotta.”

“Mmmm, yes, now that’s a wagon I can jump onto.” Lemitsa grinned and tapped his fingers tips together. “Speaking of wagons, maybe you’d like her travel plans?”

“Hold on a second! I’m a bard, I didn’t sign up to kill anyone!” Mikhal interjected.[/quote]

Just an example. There are hundreds of ways to do it. I really wanna stress there’s nothing wrong with the dialog. I just feel like dialog is a big part of your stories and a sprinkling of personality would go a long way in taking them from good to great.

Composition was okay. We were given a quest right off the bat and our heroes set off to complete it. Mikhal and Trevor’s disagreement on how to proceed kept things interesting too. I think the pacing was a little off though. I feel like a lot of what Lemitsa told them about Trialcia could have been learned at the bar. That would have shortened the story a bit so that you could beef up other areas like when they first meet Trialcia. But that got shortened to “She managed to turn the villagers against them and then left.” 2k word limits are difficult with these types of stories, so you need to shave the scenes down when and where you can. 

All in all though, a nice light adventure with Mikhal and Trevor was a great way to end the contest. I hope we see them again next round.

[/hider]
By [@Calle]

And now, for my vote…

[hider=Which is]
I’m Abstaining. 

Not for any “political” reason, I just feel with the deadline so close that voting for anyone but Kassarock will force a tie. I’m also a bit divided on who to vote for. I liked the twist in Gwynbleidd’s story, Kassarock was deliciously violent, and Calle gave us a good ol’ adventure. It feels less like I’m voting for a story and more like I’m voting for a writing philosophy. So instead I’ll Abstain.
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