“Oh, Dulcy!” I close my eyes and shake my head, astonished at how gullible my bestie can be. “Don’t tell me you actually believe in ‘nuclear weapons’!” Yes, I do the finger quotes. “Because, first of all, if they’re real, why has nobody ever made one? Second of all, even if somebody did make one, probably in the Bleak Academy, nobody in their right mind would ever [i]use[/i] it! You have [i]got[/i] to get your head out of those conspiracy theories, girl!”

But she’s got a point about my remote theory. Why didn’t I consider the tiara? It’s perfect! Witches [i]love[/i] tiaras. Wait, no, that’s magical girls. I was a magical girl once! My name was Rinley Lovebell, and I had the magical power of heart! Together, me and my friends defeated the shoggoth of Neo Tokyo 7 through superior firepower! Then they started licking themselves and lying in sunbeams. It turned out all my friends were cats! And the shoggoth was a cucumber. Since then, I’ve never eaten cucumbers. What if it wants revenge?

Huh wait we’re doing graphs? Yeah! I know all about graphs! Autographs, graphite pencils, and mimeographs! “Okay,” I say, with a thumbs up, “But you’re providing the pencils! The cats keep stealing mine.”