As per the norm, I'm gonna whip out my reviews in public. [hider=The sky-sailer] Well that was a cute story. The grammar and punctuation could have been cleaned up a bit. The most common punctuation mistake is that commas are used in place of periods, and sometimes punctuation is forgone altogether. An example. [quote]But he couldn’t just manipulate wind he needed wind, he needed to feel the wind to feel good, not feeling the wind would make him feel anxious.[/quote] VS [quote]But he couldn’t just manipulate wind, he needed wind. He needed to feel the wind to feel good. Not feeling the wind would make him feel anxious.[/quote] And we can improve it further by changing redundant words and making the following two sentences less vague. [quote]But he couldn’t just manipulate air, he needed wind. He needed to feel the wind on his skin. Stagnant air only made him feel anxious.[/quote] Leaning heavier into the grammar side, there were a lot of adjectives. This isn’t always a problem, but a lot of them ended in Y. So someone will pant heavily during an exceptionally long silence. Usually followed by someone nodding encouragingly and asking impatiently. To which they nodded pensively after speaking softly. It just makes everything sound the same. I would advise using more descriptive words or phrases. Instead of panting heavily they can gasp for air. Instead of asking impatiently you can snap. It’s also amazing how one can use body language to govern how someone sounds, which you did in a few spots. [quote=Example w/ Kate and Dawn] “Look at me, I can fly!” Kate ran circles around Dawn with her arms extended. “Seriously?” Dawn placed a hand on her hip. “You’re 16, you should stop acting like a child.” Kate looked over her shoulder and smiled. “But children have the most fun!” Dawn fret her brow. “Not when they’re being punished.” She forced her words through grit teeth. [/quote] The story’s composition fared better. Keith and Hazel were interesting, and the story manages to tell us enough about the magic they use and how it effects them without wasting too much time. I also enjoyed the banter at the supper table about Keith’s head being filled with hot air. Though the pacing wasn’t perfect, and there were a lot of moving parts for such a simple story. I feel like the entire story could have been told using Keith and Hazel only, and probably would have been better for it. That’s not to say a larger family couldn’t have been alluded to, but there were five or so characters introduced in a story that’s only 2.5K words long. I don’t blame the writer for not using their entire word budget, but if that’s going to be your limit, make the most of it. It had it’s faults but “The sky-sailer” was still an entertaining read. [/hider] [hider=Once Upon a Feather] Almighty then. It’s hard to review the grammar in this story because it doesn’t make any grievous mistakes. Yet the mistakes it does make are so numerous and varied that it’s difficult to decide what to bring up for a concise review. I can only try. [quote] I got to one of the higher up peaks as I looked over the clouds below me. [/quote] The “up” isn’t necessary here, as is “below me.” I’m also not sure I would use “as” there. [quote] I got to one of the higher peaks and looked over the clouds. [/quote] Same idea, but the lower word count tightens everything up. [quote] [i]"It's easy, you just have to focus. And don't just dive off one of the highest peak."[/i] [/quote] Probably a typo, but it should be “one of the highest peaks” or “the highest peak.” [quote] I felt my body dip down before I started to flap my wings. I spun slightly as I dipped down, [/quote] Dipped down is used twice in a row. It’s redundant. None of these mistakes are a “game over” by themselves, but it does drag down the work when they can be found throughout the story. Story wise it does satisfy the requirements for the contest, but there’s a lot left unwritten. We follow a nameless person up to a peak, where they use wings that they randomly acquired to try and fly. A bird gives them instructions to actually manage flight, and they vow to catch up to someone who can fly much better than they do. I’m sure if I was more artistic/ineffectual I could probably find some lesson in here about learning and mastery [/hider] [hider=The First and the Last] Edgy. Grammar looked pretty okay to me. There were a few parts where the sentences were a little long and could have a few words pruned or be rephrased. An example. [quote] A slight change in the sun’s light, or a faint blur of movement off in the distance; these might be the only warnings she receives before clawed death comes hurtling at her out of the blue. [/quote] “A change in the sun’s light, a blur of distant movement; these might be the only warnings she’ll receive.” Just a bit more concise this way. I’ll admit I was interested in seeing where this was going to end, but when the end came I was left with a case of “why even bother?” It’s alright to have your main character die, but it had no emotional weight or purpose. We’re just thrust into the life of a nameless bird that fell onto the ground and then said bird becomes falcon food. I feel like if the main character has to die, the reader needs to feel invested so that the death has meaning. It felt more like an experiment piece than an entry for a contest.[/hider] The above voters want you to continue submitting entries. They want you to take no offense. You should. But I'm here to tell you that if you want to play ball in this corner of the internet, you're going to need thick skin, buddy. Maybe get some sharp claws so that you can defend yourself. You're in the jungle now, act like it. Let's hear that roar! [sub]Hopefully no one took that seriously or got offended.[/sub] [hider=Le Vote] While not the best written of the stories here, I'm voting for "The sky-sailer" because I'm a sucker for character driven stories. The airhead joke really clinched it for me too. Take me home, [@Calle] [/hider]