Darin finally gathered the courage to reenter the inn. It was later than she would like. The tattoo probably wouldn’t happen tonight. Still, she ignored both Ulice and Mrixie as they called out to her. She had already screwed up already. She wasn’t screwing up again. She needed to explain herself to Ridahne before she explained herself to anyone else. Hopefully the warrior would understand. It may not be easy, but she loved Ridahne and couldn’t help but hope that she was loved in return. Was that too much to ask for? Was it too much to hope for? Darin wasn’t sure. She found herself hoping anyways.

As soon as she swung open the door to the room her nose was met with a smell that she knew intimately. It was the balm that RIdahne used to treat the human’s dozens on injuries as they occurred. Was Ridahne okay? Darin hoped so. She took a few steps into the dark room to see the warrior tossing fitfully in bed. The uloia’s reflection in the small mirror, the smell of blood in the air, the burned down candles, were the final clues that Darin needed to understand what had happened tonight. Her hand quickly flew to her mouth to muffle the choked sob. Her mouth tasted awful and had nothing to do with her being sick. She couldn’t be mad. She wasn’t allowed to be mad. It was her fault, her fault. It was always her fault. Why couldn’t ever get it right?

Without another word or sound she left the room again. Try as she might Darin couldn’t get the tears to stop. She couldn’t cry here. She wasn’t allowed to cry at all, but if she was going to cry, she wasn’t going to disturb Ridahne. She headed back down to the man room and out the door. This time she wasn’t fast enough to avoid being followed. Mrixie called after her, but she ignored it. She didn’t know where she was going. She didn’t care that this was the second time in one night that she had run off. She couldn’t help but flash back to the first few nights they had traveled together. She couldn’t help but flashback to the first few nights after Martin had left. Why was it that she was too much of a coward to face her loved ones?

Finally, Mrixie would be ignored no longer so he grabbed her arm, “Slow down Martian! And talk to me.”

Darin yanked out of his grip as she suddenly turned to rage, “Don’t call me that!” The trees started shaking in response to her anger and she snapped at them, “Oh behave! You don’t have to follow my lead for every stupid thing!”

Mrixie’s experience helped him remain calm, “Just because it has you upset doesn’t mean it’s stupid. What’s wrong?”

Her anger was no longer fire, but it wasn’t gone either, “Go away, and take Ulice with you.”

He responded, “We have a job to do.”

There was the rage again, “WHAT JOB!” She gestured vaguely at the direction of the inn, “Is it to make Ridahne feel untrusted? Is it to crowd her? Why are you here?”

Mrixie seemed to not want to blink, “It’s not about her. It’s about you.”

Darin scoffed, “It’s not about me. It’s never been about me! It never will be about me! It’s about so much more than me!”

Why had it taken her so long to figure that out? Why had she let it take so long? She had taken so long that she may have hurt Ridahne. Ridahne might be mad at her and Darin didn’t know if she could bear the thought of that. She wanted to scream and rage. Luckily the trees weren’t doing it for her. Was there a way to make this right? Would an apology be sufficient? Somehow Darin didn’t think so. She had inadvertently made light of one of Ridahne’s most sacred rituals. There was no going back from that. Why had she let it take so long? Why was she such an idiot? No! It wasn’t about her. She needed to figure out how to make this up to Ridahne. Getting rid of the shadows the warrior didn’t seem to want seemed like a good start.

Mrixie’s eyes had gone wide with horror, “I’m not sure I like the way you said that.” He reached out for her again only to drop his hand when she flinched away, “There’s a difference between selflessness and destructive self-sacrifice. You can’t fill cups if your own is empty.”

Darin repeated herself while looking at anywhere but the older man that genuinely seemed to care, “Go away, and take Ulice with you.”

Mrixie let disappointed sigh, “Very well.” He bowed a bow Darin didn’t recognize, “I will return. Perhaps late tomorrow.”

Then he was gone. Darin was left alone, unsure what she should do. She didn’t want to go back to the inn, back to her mistake, but she didn’t want to worry Ridahne either. In the end she slowly made her way back to where she belonged. She could deal with it. She couldn’t keep just running off. It wasn’t about her. She needed to remember that. She couldn’t afford to let her selfishness get in the way again. If she couldn’t even remember that in regard to Ridahne, how was she going to remember it in regards to the Children of Astra. She took off her boots as entered the inn. Hopefully Ridahne had fallen into a deeper sleep, and Darin didn’t want to wake her. She sat on the bed with her knees bent and her arms wrapped around them. There had to be a way to make this right. She just had to think of it, and she was going to figure it out, before she sought the peace of rest.