[b][u]See What I Am (Sequence: Five)
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"It's messy - really messy, uh, can I clean? Is that okay? Oh, are you hungry? I would run to the grocery store, but I spent the last of my money on a cab ride here. Bubs, you need to clean up though really cause these nails are dangerous and you are not wearing any shoes," my sister ceaselessly chattered as she dragged a suitcase almost the same size as her. I wanted to turn and yell at her to shut-up, but she was here, despite all that has happened. She came to me for help...

Figures, dad gave me the money. None-the-less, this made me more valuable to her, so I am sure that she would be keen to accept my world of fairies. Hell, I think this could work. If Sister reports me for the illegal holding of fairies, my funds will freeze, no sanctuary for her while I am getting ass-fucked in prison by Tyrone. A grin came across my face as I guided her into the living room, "Before we, uh, settle you in - I have a few things for you to know."

"You have fairies - I know, Bubs, and I wanna help you!"

Wait what?

Suddenly, Smokey flew from my hoodie pocket, "Surprise! I detected distress in ya' fams' psychic network n' saw a potential recruit, but also a means ta' sew your torn apart family back togetha!"

"Oh, she's so adorable bubs!" Smokey, blushing, went and perched on Sister's shoulder, "I was left a letter last night that gave me all the information I needed and packed right up! I didn't want to spend one more day with Tony who was going to kick me out anyways. He is really mean to me and doesn't care, so I came here. Ah, I'll make it worth your while, all I ask is that I get to have my old room back while getting a bit of money every so often. In-turn, I'll cook for you, clean for you, and help you with the fairies!"

A letter is all it took to get her here? And what the fuck is up with Smokey mentioning psychic networks? Did she detect my Sister's strife and plant a letter? That explains why the fairies were so mismanaged last night, but Smokey never told me she did this, and even acted as if she did nothing other than try her best last night. Smokey has an agenda of her own, yet is it a bad agenda? She saw a need for an additional worker (probably considering how long I stayed up last night marking and cataloging them) and figured out how to find one. Perhaps she is truly a mini-master of things. Of-course, my pride will not let me admit such thanks, but I think from the glowy red eyes she is giving me as she sits perched on my SIster that she already knows.

"Sounds good," is all I could force myself to say, "Uh, so go h- haul your stuff up to your room. I, well, need to talk to Smokey."

Despite my respect, admiration, and general thankfulness towards Smokey - it was all being off-set by a growing sense of danger. I mean, at surface value, Smokey just looks evil: grey skin, red eyes, fangs, obsidian black hair, and red stripes all about her body. She seems to know how to appeal to me. Not to mention she did something and all the fairies went downstairs. Now, she is talking about psychic networks and my family network.

"Yeps' tink' he wants ta' have a good talk for' the guests downstairs get back ta' merry makin," Smokey hovered up off Sister and began to hover towards the backdoor.

"Oh, I'll let you two talk! Once you are done please come get me. I won't peak at them downstairs until then - please promise me that I'll get to learn a lot about them today and help you so much. I'll even go on out and get groceries tonight because you look like you need food! Oh, and I can even begin to garden for the fairies. I read online sometime ago that they are vegetarians..." and she kept going and going. No wonder this Tony boyfriend wanted to kick her out.

"Yep, yep, yep, uh yeah promise. Uh-uh, so yeah. Mhm," I said as I exited to the backyard, which was mostly concealed due to it being fenced in. Additionally, it had an empty unused pool that use to be the centerpiece of many cook-outs. I hopped down into the empty pool for some additional concealment and Smokey followed. I sat down on one end of the pool, while she sat down on the opposite end.

"So, watcha' wanna ask lil' ol' me? Wait, wait, I tink' I know, ya are puttin' togetha the pieces, hm?"

"Psychic networks, shutting up a mass of fairies, eating an entire hot-dog like nothing, and just always seeming so, appealing? Right? I, uh, could go on-"

"Shh..." Smokey hushed me, "Ya' are a lil' too aware for ya' own good."

"What the hell does that mean?" I nervously swallowed - her tone implied that I was treading into dangerous territory.

"I'm ere' helping ya' fill a power-trip for you while ya' help me. So, why question a good ting'?"

"I, uh, just feel a little-"

"Scared?" Smokey hovered up.

"Oh, uh, yeah," I crossed my arms across my chest as if that would protect me from her gaze.

"Look, ya jus' gotta look at it dis' way. You gotsa' good deal here, got sissy back who will be ya' personal servant, a job ta' do which gives you power, and more perks ta' come. All dat' fear your feelin'? It's natural cuz' ya are a smart lil' cookie, but imagine how scared our enemies will be. That fear' ya' feelin is nothin' in comparison to how dose' who cross us will feel."

Smokey, despite the questionable nature of her being, began to give me a secure feeling that only my late father gave me at one time, but this time she was giving me a direction. She is everything he was and even more, "Smokey, uh, just answer one thing - why?"

"Cuz' you want dis'? Don'tcha? Jus' live in da' moment. Remember our deal?"

"Uh-huh, no killing fairies, take you out once a week, and listen to your advice."

"Jus' listen ta' me for now on? I've been round for a bit, so I know a ting' or two. Anyways, ya' got lots ta' do today and it's jus' past noon I believe, so chop-chop."

Well, with not many answers, but ignorant acceptance - I went back inside. Sister was on the first floor oozing with enthusiasm and wanting to fully take advantage of her new life. I noticed some fairies were peering through the hole in the door, curious to what we were doing. Smokey, with a swift glance, caused them to flee back downstairs. I felt a surge of authority in my position. We were beginning a project and I had to think of the most efficient means of managing it. Sister will deal with the more hands on stuff, such as feeding and cleaning, while I focus on the building and buying.

We spent a small portion of the afternoon down in the basement discussing the best modifications to accommodate the population. Sister seemed to adore the fairies and soon wandered off to interact with them. I believe her feminine charms made her communicating with them easier. It was not long before the fairies identified her as a friendly face and a good chunk of them began to flock around her as she sat on the couch. I noticed the paint that marked them was beginning the irritate the skin of a few, so I went upstairs to gather a few plastic tubs and began to fill them with warm water - it was bath time. I was lacking in the soap department, but I believe the supplies came with an amount of hygienic items.

I carefully carried down four large containers filled about knee deep (of-course speaking about fairies) and set them on the pool table. It is a shame that this now is acting as the staging ground for all fairy operations. My dad use to think of this table as a prized possession - a damn shame, but oh well. Sister was keen to a method to get the fairies to bathe - the few playful and interactive ones were gently placed in the water. They found the water fun, and began to splash about, playing and merry-making. This fun attracted more fairies to the tubs and soon enough happy chirps, which were slightly less annoying than their crying, began to sound from the basement. You know, lighter fluid also removes paint pretty well - I remember back in high-school when I did projects with dad he taught me that. If Sister was not around, I would gladly douse them in lighter fluid, but I am sure that would go wrong, so Smokey was wise in having Sister employed.

All the while, Smokey simply observed until Sister asked if she could help round up a few more of the moody anti-social fairies. She obliged and hovered about the basement locating their hiding spots easily. It seemed the flightless ones who dropped from the pool table liked it under the couch - well I am pretty sure they were inside the couch. It seems they crawled into a tear beneath it and got cozy inside. Once Smokey crawled under, moments after, a mass exodus of fairies piled on out. I decided to go and do my part and check the utility room and remembered what I left in there: Hobble.

It seems that other fairies joined it in the utility room electing to perch on the shelves. Well, one thing interested me in particular - they were armed. I left out the craft box and they got hold of sewing needles. Hobble, along with a group of six more, stood on the shelf daring me to attempt capture. Between the boxes was some dried mushrooms along with some jelly-water. Was Hobble trying to found a break-away civilization of some sort? I decided to let them have their victory. After-all, Hobble was only a blue-tier, and her little "gang" around her was red-tiers, so we were not missing too much valuable merchandise. I decided their little start-up in the utility room was no big deal and was intriguing. Instead of forcing them out - I left them along. Now, if we are being honest, my decision was also influenced slightly by a desire to not get poked by sharp needles.

"So ya' jus' gon' leave em?" Smokey hovered into the utility room - the conclave of rebellious fairies backed up, "I can get em' ta' come down."

"No, I'm interested in what they will do. Uh, we'll correct them if too many begin to join," I began to back away from the utility closet and Smokey followed.

"It's jus' a few, so we can ignore em' - guess it's betta' to let em' live how dey' wanna live - fa' now at-least."

So we let them be. I was interested a bit in the potential cultural aspect of allowing a break-away group to exist. Of-course, it might be a mistake to allow a rebellion to fester, but it could be corrected in due time. Perhaps more aggressive and anti-social fairies could be utilized for their own means. Speaking of which, I have also forgotten another fairy: Nipper. Furthermore, I am not sure if the two other fairies were still out and about. When I went upstairs to throw some clothes on the box was still closed and I had not seen the other two. I think it is safe to say that they were still upstairs hiding away, or maybe they had relocated? I took one last cursory glance to Sister. She had opened up the supplies and found small tubes of bath-soap. She squirted a glob of purple fluid in each tub and allowed the motion of the fairies romping about in the water do the rest.

I went upstairs to investigate Nipper's box and to my dismay it was open. Sitting at the bottom of the box was Hobble's hand, a small pile of fairy excrement, and a length of yarn. It became clear what happened. So, the other two fairies got hold of some yarn and lowered it into the box so the flightless Nipper could climb out. Once it was clear of the box, they dropped the yarn and scrambled off to wherever the hell that might be. I scanned my bedroom for any clues, but that would be a nigh impossible task due to the scattered articles of clothing and loose trash.

Should I clean my room? Nah, I will ask Smokey about this later. Nipper and two other fairies were on the prowl, so I would have to be watchful. I did not want to step on them - not because I care, but it would be nasty to scrape fairy goop off my foot. I went back down into the basement to check on the progress of their bath. It seems, like cats, these creatures had some instinctual disposition for hygiene. They settled down (mostly) from merry making and now sat in the water dutifully scrubbing themselves. Some had paired up to wash the hair of those with longer heads of hair, while others, notably the red-tiered ones, washed themselves alone.

I took a seat nearby to further observe. Sister seemed taken by the creatures. Her eyes beamed with interest, but her vision turned to the mallet sitting on the pool table still, "Hey Bubs, what is with the dad's gold tenderizer doing down here? Don't tell me you were going to whack these little beauties with it? I don't want that to happen! Nope, not at all. Look how adorable it is that they wash each-others hair."

"It's instinct," I remarked as I slid the mallet into my hand, "Like a cat licking itself."

"Well, I think it's beautiful Bubs. They really are something, huh? Why do they exist? I remember it had something to with some really weird science but I am kinda' dumb so I never paid attention to that kinda of stuff. Which reminds me that Tony won't stop texting me with really mean messages, real scary stuff, uh here look!"

Oh jeez, we're in trouble. I saw a torrent of messages:

[i]i'm on my way now
why r u sleeping at another guys house
i can c where u are
4get about the tracking app dumb bitch[/i]

But first, I took the phone from her hand and smashed it to bits and pieces. The fairies crowded to the opposite of the pools startled by the commotion, "Sm- Smokey? Uh..." My hands were shaking, was I scared?

"No, wurries' uh... by the by, ya gettin' her a new phone," Smokey pointed to Sister who was trying her hardest to not cry.

I took a deep breath. I could not think. I'm scared, "Uh w- watch fairies. Sister uh, yeah! Smokey let's go."

"Yep, I got jus' the solution. So Masta o' Tings' put me in ya' pocket and jus' stand outside and wait." I did just as instructed and went to the front porch and stood very still.

"Smokey? W- what are you-"

"Jus' trust me, now we gotsa to make one ting' very clear. Stan' still and jus' close your eyes tight. Do not open them, so close em' now."

I closed my eyes tight - just as she said, "Smokey? W- what? I can't do-"

"Trust me. Now listen ta' the next part o' your instruction. When I say uh' - 'surprise!' ya are gonna breath all da' air outta your lungs and keep your mouth open. Keep ya' eyes shut - I canna' stress that enough, so let's rehearse - surprise!"

I emptied my lungs, kept my eyes closed, and kept my mouth open - just as she instructed. Wait, this was sound familiar, but I could not put my finger on it. The fear was clouding my ability to process information critically.

"Righta' so - let's do it one more time. Oh, be sure to have air in ya' lungs before letting it out. So take a deep breath an' surprise!"

I emptied my lungs, kept my eyes closed, and kept my mouth open - just as she instructed once more.

"Oh ere' he comes, so get ready fa' my signal. Get sum' air in dem' lungs of yours and be ready."

I heard a car come to a screech at the curb, "Hey fuck-face! What are you doing with my girl?"

I thought they weren't together anymore - relationships are weird.

"You on the porch! What the hell? Open your eyes so you can see me kick your ass!"

He was getting louder, closer, and his footsteps suggested he was moving at a brisk pace.

Then it happened, "Surprise!"

I empties my lungs, kept my eyes closed, and kept my mouth open - just as she instructed.

I cannot put into words the sensation that lasted for an infinitely small moment. It's like trying to describe what a color looks like. Red is red because that is just was red is. It's like trying to describe why gravity is a thing. It just is. It's like trying to describe why we are here processing the universe and why does that even have to be a thing. We just are. For just an infinitely small moment, I felt every point of my body become tapped into something greater than it ever could be. It was as if my arm was picking up a red-rock on mars, my other arm taking a dip in the sun, my tongue tasting ice cream on Earth, my leg skipping across clouds on Jupiter, my other leg skirting the dark void of space light years away, my torso on the edge of the observable universe riding the wave of creation, both my eyes both seeing and not seeing; therefore, not seeing at all. Even then, that description, is nothing in comparison to what I felt in an infinitely small moment. In that infinitely small moment, I felt puny, small, and insignificant, but I felt that could witness a collective whole if I just opened my eyes. I felt opening my eyes would yield the secrets of all, and those secrets would end me. It was true terror.

"Ey! Ey! Your safe now, open up ya' peepers."

I did not want to. That feeling terrified me greater than any chemical reaction in me could. It was a terror beyond the chemical make-up of a living thing. It was a terror that could, and would, seep into an inanimate object that had no such feelings, and even then still terrify it.

"Uhg - ya' are fine! Open em' up and that feeling goes away."

For a solid minute I fought against my own body. I tried with all my might to open my eyes, but they wanted to stay shut. I fought and fought - the small victory of slitting them enough to see a glimmer of Earthly light off-set every feeling I just felt. I was safe, so I opened my eyes and saw my front yard. No car and no many coming to beat me to hell, "I..." my mouth trailed off into a confused babble. Then I fell to my knees and began to weep - glad to be safe, but feeling violated.

I do not remember what happened after that. I think I managed to get myself to the couch, well that is where I woke up, but I somehow crawled inside. I felt better later. Smokey was sitting on the coffee table keeping an eye on me. A blanket had been laid on me, "Ya' a real trooper actually."

"Smokey? What did you do?"

"Eh, dun' sweat da' small stuff. He gone - and no evidence exists."

I slowly nodded, "Okay, where is Sister?"

"She down in da' basement wit' the fairies. Got em' all eatin' and managed portion off da' food. Dealt wit' tha' rowdy ones and gottem to eat normally without gorgin' demselves' - she a real natural."

You would think I wanted to press more information on what happened, but I am actually relieved that Smokey did not want to share, "So, uh, what next?"

"Well - it pretty late in da' afternoon an' your Sister gave em' a late afternoon snack. Eh, she said somethin' bout going shoppin wit ya? She is actually pretty happy cuz' dat' Tony guy is gone. Course' I talked you up, and said you did mosta' tha' dealin so she would forget bout' the smashed phone."

"Thanks, Smokey."

So I got up, collected myself, and went downstairs. We had shopping to do.