"I don't know how to want that!" she blurted.

She's frozen there for a moment in the midst of a step, hand outstretched. Then she crumples, sitting down and hugging her knees to her chest. There's more genuine defensiveness there than there was in the fight, and she looks off to the side to avoid eye contact.

"I hate hitting people," she said. "I hate [i]hurting[/i] people. What's so special about m-" she cuts herself off. She can't say that part out loud. They wouldn't understand.

"I don't even like doing it when it's important," she said. "I have nightmares afterwards. I had..."

She bites her lip. She'd been [i]glad[/i] when the sword broke. It had been the worst day of her life... but that at least meant she didn't have to make it any worse.