Re-write for Penny looks good, don't see anything that needs to be changed there. [quote=@Zoey Boey] OK ok ok, I wasn't happy with my first Minako pass either. I made another one, let me know what you think. [hider=Koka Second Pass] [b]The Mundane[/b] [b]Name:[/b] Minako "Koka" Kaiyo [b]Age[/b]: 16 [b]Sanctum City:[/b] Palmyra [b]Description:[/b] A round faced, pale japanese girl standing at about 5'4. Her black hair is always tied up into a bun, and her bangs are dyed a dark blue. She is athletically toned, though she had few sharp edges in her physical form. Koka's casual wear is very goth or 'emo'. Blacks, greys, dark blues. She likes a brand of clothing called Girilla and owns several pairs of sneakers, hoodies, and shirts from their collection. She wears chokers and earrings. Her belly button is pierced with a small blue plastic crystal. She has a gold crucifix tied into her hair. She also has a tattoo of a pyramind with an eye on her upper left arm. A traditional Buddhist swastika, colored blue, is marked on her right ankle, with the words "well-being" drawn in a circle around them. There's also a pentacle on the small of her back, and the wiccan symbol of the triple goddess on her left shoulder blade. Finally on the outside of her left calf is a symbol of the sun, and on her right calf is a symbol of a crescent moon. She's usually standing with her hands in her pockets and a little pursed-lip smirk on her face, with her shoulders and posture relaxed and comfortable, eyes casually half-lidded. If something catches her attention she will furrow her brow and tilt her head up, pursing her lips slightly in an expression similar to the one in her image. Overall she comes off as being very approachable or very strange depending on if you're cool or not. [hider=Koka] [img]https://media.discordapp.net/attachments/494317685505523714/761730060213420062/download.png[/img] [/hider] [b]Personality:[/b] Minako is lazy, a rule breaker, and a lethargic rebel against authority who hates being told what to do. She's also usually quite grumpy, rarely smiling except a smug smirk when she's trying to be humorous. Expressing her emotions was never really her strong suit. She speaks bitterly and sarcastically most of the time, and though her spite can be hurtful, she doesn't mean to hurt others feelings unless she thinks they deserve it. She dislikes people who she thinks don't think for themselves or are too stiff and self-serious. In order to knock someone down a peg, they have to be standing on some, after all. Koka's miserable front rarely drops. But she likes people, and believes most are good at heart. They just need to be shaken from their bad habits sometimes. She isn't a hateful person at all, though she'll probably say how much she hates things. Koka has thought a lot about death, having experienced a decent amount of it in her youth, and has what she feels a fairly good understanding of it, having read a lot of different books about a lot of different religions. It's a topic that fascinates her, considering everyone is going to face it one day but no one really knows what happens afterward. Minako believes in freedom and altruism, which is why, despite everything, she hates the poisonous disease that has driven humanity to the brink more than she dislikes stiff upper lips and school uniforms. [b]Background:[/b] Koka was born in a poor sector of Palmyra. Her father died when she was young, and her mother tried her best despite her drug habit. Minako rightfully blamed society for her predicament and has been a rebel ever since. She became a free-spirited, if sour, young girl. She made a small group of friends who were much more bitter than she was, though one probably couldn't guess it. Together they stirred up trouble and skipped class. Quite early on she began dealing and using pyschedellic drugs, though she was never caught unlike her friends who were arrested a few times. Unfortunately for Koka, she wasn't happy just looking out for herself and being a rebel. She was born with an innate sense of compassion that she couldn't ignore, aswell as an inclination towards magic she felt responsible to do something with. More than just cheap parlour tricks of turning water into black goo. There was something Koka thought of as a disease, the Nox, that plague that had driven everyone into these cramped cities and gave the sacred night a bad name. She also wanted to prove everyone who said she would always be nothing but a useless drifter wrong, and as much as she loved her part of town, get away from it aswell. But even before she knew what she was getting into, she knew it was gonna suck. If there was one thing to look forward to it was that, unlike regular school, she might actually want to succeed enough to become an Ars Magi. [b]The Magical[/b] [b]Armgaus Name:[/b] Pitch Black Obsidian [b]Gladius:[/b] A threaded cane whip. The bottom is an edge bludgeon, and the handle at the top becomes razor sharp and remains connected via a sharp chain. [b]Parma:[/b]Her skin goes from pale to marble white, and her hair becomes completely blue. Steel gauntlets and bracers manifest themselves around her outfit. Her hoodie lengthens into a flowing trench coat, her jeans into heavy trousers tucked into boots. The trench coat is unzipped, and a black crop-top underneath reveals the large black gem in her navel. [b]Elementum:[/b] Darkness [b]Elementum Abilities:[/b] Minako's ability manifests itself with a pitch black tar she can summon out of the ground or walls after she punctures the surface with the bottom of her cane. The amount of tar she can control increases vastly if there is an alreayd existing water source she can corrupt. She can use it to slow down enemies or speed herself up, or create limited constructs out of it by creating sticky black threads. It can coat the threads and chain links of her cane for even more advanced control over the long extremity. The darkness also has a healing property should Minako choose. It can fill most wounds and increase regeneration. Minako however, cannot use this ability on herself. [/hider] [/quote] I think this works better, yep. [quote=@Ammokkx] [hider=Chie][center][img]https://i.imgur.com/PkCHRXJ.jpg?1[/img] [url=https://www.pixiv.net/en/artworks/84951522](Source)[/url] [b]Name[/b] 益頭知絵 [sup](Masuzu Chie)[/sup] [b]Age[/b] 16 [b]Sanctum City[/b] Calcaria [b]Personality[/b] Chie is social yet distant. She keeps a cool, collected but not unfriendly aura around her. She's willing to listen to the problems of others, but much less so to share her own. Chie likes keeping her relationships to small talk, though she isn't afraid to tease other girls. It's hard to get a read on her because of her constant, slightly playful smile. It doesn't indicate her good mood, but just acts as the veil of mystery hiding her true thoughts and emotions. It's the disposition of someone who observes before others are allowed to observe her. She just has a naturally closeted personality. [b]Background[/b] Chie is from a middle-class family in Calcaria. She used to be an energetic child, playing and socializing with other kids until her breath gave out. Chie was a far-cry from the cool girl she would later become. A common thread through her evolution would be loss. It started small enough, only losing a pet at a young age, which would give her an initial lesson in how to cope. Chie got along great with her grandmother, who she spent a lot of time with as her parents weren't always around, but her grandmother passed before Chie could reach double digits in her age. Her mom and dad weren't home a lot of the time, so she felt lonely and distant from that point. Chie grew out of her cheery demeanor and put space between her and her friends. When her mom didn't come home again one day, and with dad refusing to tell Chie why, she completely closed off her heart to those around her. She started to listen instead of speak, to bottle up instead of cry. Chie was used to being alone, and maybe thought it was better that way. She wouldn't be tied down to people. It's that kind of unfettered disposition that made her fearless of joining Nova Lux. She promised herself that she wouldn't care for the friends she leaves behind, and that they wouldn't care for her. [/center][hider=Magical Girl Self][center][img]https://i.imgur.com/QMdFlLc.jpg?1[/img] [url=https://www.pixiv.net/en/artworks/58825843](Source)[/url] [b]Armgaus Name[/b] Magnified White Quartz [b]Gladius[/b] [img]https://i.imgur.com/wxhRJVF.png?1[/img] [url=https://www.artstation.com/artwork/Vw8Lb](Source)[/url] Chie uses a pair of ornate chakrams to fight. [b]Parma[/b] Chie's hair loses its colour as her eyes change to gold. Her clothing is replaced by a white dress with no strings and black stocking on her thighs. Both her hands turn black, that same effect continuing a bit into her forearm, and past that spot on the left arm she has the same fabric as her dress extending out to her shoulder. Her hair is adorned with a red hair accessory housing three diamond-shaped protrusions as her neck is covered by a warmer in the same colour of her hands. [b]Elementum[/b] Gravity [b]Elementum Abilities[/b] Chie's control over gravity manifests itself in the modification of its pulling properties. By changing the rules of how dense an area's matter is, Chie can create a field wherein objects collide faster or slower with each-other. Designating an area, its gravitational pull will either gradually increase or decrease depending on Chie's intent. She cannot instantly make something pull harder than it did before, as her power needs to ramp up over time. However, like a snowball rolling down the mountains, the longer she keeps it going the faster and stronger the effect will increase. To reverse her own magic requires the same kind of effort in reverse. Examples of practicality are making objects collide with each-other or jumping high into the sky while coming down slowly.[/center][/hider][/hider] [/quote] This all looks pretty good as well!