[centre][h1]A Grand Trolldom 1 - Munch[/h1][/centre]
[hr]

Cragking Thunder gave his stony chin an audible scrape through centuries’ worth of mossy overgrowth thickly coalesced into one enormous, now braided beard. He had done this quite a bit over the past few days, sometimes for whole days and nights, as though fishing for a thought that never seemed to bite. He had, in fact, been sitting on his stone throne scratching his chin for so long that several tonnes of gravel, moss and sand had formed giant piles on the cave floor beneath him. He sniffed thoughtfully with such noise that the mountain walls shook.

Then with a rumble of his belly that challenged tectonic movements, the fishing line of the mind finally caught onto something.

“Gen’ral!” droned the king with reverberating bass.

Crush, the Gen’ral snapped to attention, having been dozing off nearby. He quickly, for a troll, rose and snapped his hand into a salute. “Aye Cragking!?” he bellowed, his mind still waking up.

The Cragking gave his chin another scratch. “Hang on…” He squinted, his tar-like mind digging through two thousand years of memories to acquire the one he had just made. His belly thundered again, and Thunder’s eyes lit up once more with remembrance. “I’m hungry, lad.”

Crush thought to himself for a brief moment, letting his own mind shift through things, before he too realized something. “Aye...Me too, iz it ‘unting time?” he asked, looking around the cave of the throne room of their small kingdom. Since their adventure with the blade all those years ago, the place had grown quite crowded: Ranglefants had moved in by the score, along with askeladds and even the odd draug here and there, having been chased out of their homes in the lands below as humanity expanded evermore. Such a rapid demographic growth had brought with it a need for personal space given to the many families and individuals living inside the cave, which had caused some to dig new holes in the walls, or to dig burrows in the floor and cover them over with dirt and moss. Bonfires raged through the night, frail askeladds needing to keep warm in the high mountains - here, askeladd shamans would tell stories and show off neat, flashy hexes for the entertainment of the others.

Food had become scarce, though - very scarce. Thunder hummed once more.

“Ye ken… I had a thought the other day… We’ve seen hummies down below, aye? They keep, wassit, those four-legged thengs that make all those noises and leave droppings everywhere, aye?” He scratched his chin again. “What if, right… What if we did that, too? Then we would nae have to hunt all the time.” He hummed yet again and looked around on the trolls scuttling around on the floor beneath his mammoth feet. Some stopped to wave giddily at him before continuing. “... But how do we feed this many trolls?”

“We’d need a whole lot to feed em,” Crush replied, he too looked at the various trolls going about their daily business through the winding caverns of the kingdom. “maybe...we get sum hummies to like, pay us tribute? cuz those four leg thengs don’t like us, they run when we come, remember? Wed ave to get a, smaller git to, do what dem hummies do with em.” 

Thunder nodded so his neck shed another ton of sand, dirt and overgrowth. “Ye’re as wise as ye’re tall, lad.” With effort, he extended his arm, which had been bent in some way or another for weeks, straightening it out into a pointing gesture, aiming at the cave entrance. Using the power of the Cragking Crown, his voice hammered the air like the crack of a storm, Thunder’s thundering message quaking the very bones of all who heard him: “MY LAD - I TASK YE WITH BRINGIN’ BACK A HUNDRED HUMMIES WITH ALL THE MANY-LEG THENGS AND RUCKUS THEY CAN HERD! THIS IS THE ORDER OF THE MOUNTAIN, OF I, THUNDER, KING OF ALL THE TROLLDOM!” The closest smaller trolls fell to the ground, clutching their ears with squeals and cries.

Crush too had to somewhat cover his ears, before giving a curt salute “Aye aye great Cragking!” He slowly walked towards the entrance of the great cave, helping a few of the smaller trolls up after the King’s loud command. He came upon the troll shades upon their pedestal, and delicately picked them up and placed them upon his face, it wouldn’t hurt to be prepared. Before he left though, he turned to the nearly packed throne room, looking for any Rangles or Askeladds he could convince to help him out. He quickly stumbled upon one of the many bonfires around the cave, where an askeladd shaman was midway through a shadow puppet show for some ranglefant trollspawn, all of whom clapped their disproportinately huge hands together with thunderous applause. The shaman stopped and looked up at Crush with a raised brow, waving slowly.

“‘Ey there, man - ‘ere for the show? Or is this abou’ that ordeh?”

“de show is real gud, but, aye, i need some ‘elp for de order, i may be big an’ strong, but a hunded hummies is still a big task.”

The shaman gave her potato nose a rub and stuck a thumb under each strap of her skin suspenders. “Hundred ‘ummies, ha? That sure’s a bit, innit.” She shrugged lazily. “S’pose I got a minute.”

Crush lifted his hand in a thumbs “oight, i ‘ppreciate the ‘elp, i’ll, uh, let ya get ready.” He slowly trumbled towards the entrance once more. The askeladd followed right behind, bringing with it a moth-eaten linen shirt and a sack - a repurposed sheep’s stomach, to be precise, filled with a little something to eat, most likely. The two strolled out the entrance into the darkness of the deep night, and the askeladd looked up.

“Reckon we ‘ave, uh, ‘bout four hours afore the sun’s back out. You be aroight, gov?”

“Aye! got meself some fancy glasses,” he pointed to the shades sitting atop his face “Gift from de gods, I’ll be fine in da sun.”

“Oh, well, ain’t that nice,” commended the shaman. “By the way, I’m Scrap - came from the Smelly Swamps, born and bred.” She politely held out a tiny hand. “‘Appy to be of service to ya, gov!”

Crush carefully took the hand, being careful not to crush it, as was his namesake. “A pleasure to meet ya,” He turned his head towards the horizon “hmmm, ‘ave an idea where we should start? hummies are rare round dees parts nowadays.”

“Dunno, gov. ‘S usually the big bosses who keep the books ‘n all that. Though if I am ta guess…” She hummed, then stuck her hand into her sack and pulled out a turkey’s wishbone. It had already been snapped, so she haphazardly stuck the snapped-off piece back on, only to snap it again and toss the bone off the mountain. She carefully studied the way it rolled, following its direction with eager eyes. When it started drifting, she pointed in its direction - the east. “That way.”

Crush shrugged “good ‘nough fur me.” He trekked eastward, making sure Scrap kept close to him. There was no telling what they could find in these woods and hills that would be crazy enough to fight two trolls. Crush’s assessment was correct in that anything crazy enough to take both of them on could not be found; in fact, nothing could be found at all. The woods were as empty as they were dense, as though all signs of humanity had turned and ran off with their non-existent tails between their skimpy legs. Scrap gave it a few hours of walking before she groaned.

“‘S like they’ve all evaporateded!”

Crush looked around, raising a log to look underneath it, seeing nothing but bugs scattering around. “Huh,” he spoke “Dats strange, culd’ve sworn der were hummies here before.” 

“We didn’ eat ‘em [i]all[/i], roight?” The pair exited the woods, being greeted by the wave-like hills of the southern Highlands. There was not a village to be seen - at least not from their current position. “Shait, we might’a ate ‘em all.”

“We might’ve eaten dem all,” Crush scratched his mossy beard that clung to the bottom of his face. “We might need to go further.” 

“How much further, gov? We’re already at the edge of the woods ‘n stuff. Where can we go from ‘ere?”

“Hmmm,” Crush thought once more “I don’t know, but we gotta at least reach some of dem hummies, or else me pa would be furious.” The pair continued across the open hills, Crush’s earthquake steps sending tremors that could no doubt be felt for kilometres. Scrap gave her nose a rub and then suddenly clapped her tiny palm on Crush’s foot, as that was all she could reach.

“H-hey! Smoke! I see smoke! Over there, boss!” Following her tiny finger, one could indeed see lazy columns of smoke in the far distance, wagging to and fro in the wind behind a hill.

“Aye! Good eye Scrap!” He squinted his eyes, looking towards the smoke “That might mean some humies are nearby, we gotta be sneaky, don’t want them hearing us.” He crouched and began to slowly walk, which did, admittingly very little to make him more sneaky. 

Scrap was much quieter, but Crunch's long steps had her sprinting and panting like a whipped animal. By the time they reached halfway over the brink, they could already hear the screams - however, they had started a little too early to be caused by them. Scrap wheezed her way to the top of hill and whooped. "Boss! They'z under attack!"

As Crush topped the hill, he saw the chaotic sight before him. There was a village that was for sure, but a good portion of it was currently engulfed in flames. He could see humans running in fear, screaming in absolute terror that he had only seen when he made sudden appearances. There were also various humans armed with their pointed sticks and clubs, they seemed to be fighting something, yet, Crush could not see it. 

That is, until he heard a savage roar, it was horrid, even to a troll it shook him to his core. That was when he saw the wave of flesh. They were savage beasts, that Crush could immediately tell, their flesh was a pallid grey, they were adorned with limbs both working and useless, their bodies twisted and contorted into strange forms and shapes and their mouths were filled with horrid spikes of teeth. These creatures fell upon the humans, tearing at them with crude weapons, claws, and teeth, savagely eating upon the flesh of any human that had the unfortunate fate of falling to their onslaught. 

“What in the blooming ‘ell is this!” Crush loudly proclaimed, gazing towards Scrap. 

“Shait if I know, gov!” responded Scrap in a daze.

“Well! What do we do?!?” He directed his gaze once more towards the village, the humans were fighting fiercely against these creatures. Crush had never seen such savagery before. 

“Well, king said we ‘ad ta capture humies, so we gotta snatch some while they’re still around. Well, what’re you waitin’ for, man?! You’ve got the big ‘ands, go get ‘em!” Scrap shouted and she started digging through her musty sack and pulled out a lock of hair and a cup of stiffened grease. She slathered her thumb in the stuff and stuck some hair to it and then wafted her stick around, dancing around in circles. A long tendril of hair extended from her thumb and shot forward to ensnare a squealing man running in their semi-general direction. The man kept screaming as the tendril pulled him towards them and did not shut up even after Scrap had snipped the tendril with a dagger and left him tied up and kicking on the ground. “My, these cunts’re noisy. Well, go on, then!” She started conjuring another tentacle.

Crush nodded “right.”, he rose to his full height and rushed towards the burning village, scooping up any of the running humans he could, they were willy, their fear turning them into expert runners as another terrifying, gigantic creature barreled towards their village. He scooped humans up left and right, until he had a whole bundle of screaming and kicking people slung over his shoulder. He rushed to grab another, a woman running for her life screaming her lungs out, but, one of those pale beings pounced upon her, within seconds her screaming had stopped, her throat torn out by the horrid mangled teeth. It ate for a few seconds upon her flesh, before turning its sickly head up towards Crush, its grey eyes starting straight towards his soul. It uttered a loud roar, and the troll could see other pale creatures gathering nearby, clearly unwilling to attack, but still aggressive towards the massive troll. 

“Scrap!” Crush loudly proclaimed “A little ‘elp here!” He quickly grabbed a neary beam from a house, waving it in front of him, keeping the beasts back as they snapped and jabbed towards him with their crude weapons and claws. 

Scrap finished tying up a third prisoner and then hurried over to help Crush, panting tiredly. Reaching into her bag again, she pulled out a lock of straw and a piece of flint and tinder. Despite her exhaustion, she expertly knocked some sparks over the straw, lighting it aflame. She then danced around in a circle, this time slapping her stick at the ground in every direction, and then blew on the smoking straws in the direction of the pale creatures. The smoke hurled forward like a steamy breath in winter, and then expanded violently around Crush’s feet, tiny sparks in the smoke becoming like flies aiming for the eyes of the vile beasts attacking him. The enemy unleashed hyena-like squeaks as they grabbed at their sore faces, and Scrap waved for Crush to retreat. “They gonna get us, gov! Le’s go!”

Crush tossed his wooden beam, clobberin one of the beasts in its head, he rushed back towards scrap and the other prisoners, effortlessly scooping both up, slinging the humans over his shoulder and carrying Scrap in his free hand. He could hear the roars of the beasts and he afforded a quick look behind him. Only to see a horde of pale flesh drawing closer. This only incentivised him to run fast, as fast as he had ever run before, desperately holding onto the humans and scrap as he did so. The sounds of the horde rapidly fell silent behind them as they ran deep into the woods, and only when the sounds had vanished for a while did Crush finally slow down, eventually coming to a stop as he catches his breath, slowly putting down Scrap and the tied up prisoners. 

“Any idea what the ‘ell that wus Scrap? I've never seen those...things, before.”

The small askeladd was visibly shaken, pulling her straw hat off and wafting some air into her face. “No bloomin’ idea, gov - wuz bloomin’ scary cunts, they wuz. Looked like humies ‘n spoidahs ‘ad a baby or somefhin’.” She glanced up at the human prisoners, who were all in different stages of grief. “So… Whot now? Got humies, but ain’t got no four-legs. Whot we do, boss?”

Crush slowly sat down, causing a puff of moss and dirt to erupt around him. “We gotta find ‘nother village I guess, one with four-legs.” He turned his head towards the humans “First, any of you know where four-legs might be? Second, what wur those, things that wur attacking you?”

“Four legs, what?!” shouted one of the women.

“We know nothing about these four legs, please just let us go!” pleaded one of the men.

“MOMMYYYYY!” cried one of the children. Scrap scrunched her nose.

“Well, they’re ‘elpful, fe’ sure. Roight, four-legs’re ‘em big, uh, four-legged fhings wiff the tasty meat.” She gestured descriptively with her hands, conjuring forth quite a creative interpretation of what a cow was. The humans were very much confused.

“W-what?”

Scrap groaned. “Ugh, an’ they say we’z the stupid ones?! By Fhunder, this’ll take all week!” She dug through her sack. “‘Ang on, I fhink I got somefhin’ to make ‘em talk…”

“WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT!” shouted some of them; others screamed. “Is it an animal you’re after?! Like, like a pig?!”

Scrap blinked up at Crush. “Woss a pig, boss?”

Crush thought for a short while “If, I recall correctly, its one of dem four-legs, but small, we’re looking for one of dem bigger ones,” Crush spoke towards the human, keeping his voice low and quiet, “I think dey have uhhhh, pointy bits on head.” 

“Y-y-you mean a cow?” came a quivering suggestion. Scrap scratched her chin thoughtfully. She then dragged her foot back and forth over the forest floor until it cleared of debris and only a flat of dirt was left. Then, snapping her fingers, she released the speaker from her hairy ropes and pointed to the ground. 

“Draw it.”

The woman hesitated, looking elsewhere with rapidly shifting eyes. Scrap’s eye twitched. “You’re drawin’ it roight now, slag, or I’ll get worse stuff than ‘air on your body!”

“OKAY! Okay!” the woman squealed in reply, falling to the ground and drawing a very simple looking stick-cow, horns and snout and all. Scrap hummed.

“This it, boss?”

“Ya that’s it!” Crush bellowed out “that's the uh, cow.” He looked at the woman “Ya know where any are?” 

She looked hesitant for a bit. “W-we had some i-i-in our village.”

“Beata, you Runnibrook bitch, those are ours!” shouted one of the men.

“Well, if it’s between your cows and our lives, Nelian, then I choose the cows!” she retorted and turned back to the trolls, holding her hands up pacifyingly. “We got a deal? We go free and you get your cows?”

“Well,” Crush began “We’re gonna need some of yous to teach us how to uhhh, keep them living, help feed kingdom and whatnot, also.” He turned his head towards the direction of their village. “Those pale things might still be in ur village right?” 

The woman looked dreadfully disheartened; the others started crying and weeping again. “P-please don’t take us away, please!”

“Oi, shut up!” shouted Scrap and slapped one of the children across the face. It went quiet on the spot, looking at her with fearful eyes. She looked up at Crush and shook her head. “Man, humans ‘ave no idea ‘ow to raise their bairns, do they?” 

Crush shrugged “I wuldn’t know.” He flopped back down and stroked his chin of rock and moss, sending a few piece of debris falling. “Hmmmm.” He hummed out loud. “Sad hummies won’t work well, too sad to aid Cragking, hmmmmm.” It was clear his mind was overworking to figure out a solution to the group’s conundrum. “But, we need hummies to figure out dem cows, but hummies don’t wanna help, hmmmmm.” It stayed that way for a few minutes, a small pile of dirt had gathered in his lap from his pensive thought. Until, he loudly proclaimed “Crush has idea!” 

“You hummies know cows, why not hummies teach me and Scrap cows at village, den we take cows back to cragking and teach other trolls da cows!” His face was filled with joy and excitement as he looked at both Scrap and the humans for approval. 

The humans shifted between each other with wide open eyes. “Y-you want us to teach you h-how to hold cows?”

“‘S whot he said, innit?” Scrap confirmed impatiently.

“U-uhm--... Okay! Y-yeah, we can do that, sure! I-if you help us get rid of those terrible [i]Skrill[/i], then we will teach you…”

“Humans teaching trolls… May the gods forgive us…”

Crush nodded “Sounds good to me! Now those uh, Skill, they’re those pale thingies right? shouldn’t be, too hard, right Scrap?” He looked towards his companion, notably unsure of his words. 

“Uuuuh… I dunno, gov - they seemed pretty rabid.”

“Ya...your right...but maybe sum of dem have left? that’d be easier.” He replied. 

“We’ve, we’ve been attacked by them before. Th-... Oh gods,” sobbed one of the men. Scrap pointed a fat, scabby finger at his nose.

“Spit it out, or I’ll stick this splinter under your thumbnail!” 

“That’s not a splinter - that’s a stick!” the man complained.

“A matter of perspective, ya moot. Now say whot you woss sayin’!” 

The man swallowed through the tears. “I-... I remember they just took people last time. Lots and lots of people. M-my father and, and, and my uncle, and-... And then they just left with them. W-we never saw them again and--”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah, cry me a river’n all that. So, we headin’ back, then, boss?”

Crush nodded, slowly getting up “Aye, we made deal with hummies, we get rid of rabid pale things, they teach us about dem cows.” He looked around for a brief moment, before picking up a lone fallen log.

“Righto. Take us back, then, boss!” the shaman offered and grabbed onto his leg. 

“Waitwaitwait, you’re not gonna leave us here, are you?!”

Scrap blinked at the humans. “‘Course we are. Right, boss?”

Crush looked at the ‘umans “well, you’d be safer ‘ere, but if any of u’s can fight, we can bring ya along.” 

All of them suddenly got quite busy staying bound. “No, no, we’re good! You two’ve got this!” they cheered. Even the children seemed to join in, smiling as encouragingly as they could fake it. Scrap looked up.

“Well, that’s that! Take us away, boss!”

Crush chuckled “well alright, we’ll be back once we dealt with dem pale things.” He lowered his right arm to allow Scrap to clamper onto him. Then he began to trudge back towards the village, vaguely retracting his steps when they ran from the creatures the first time. Eventually, they came once more upon the hill just beyond the village, peering over, the two trolls saw a ruined assembly of huts and wood, the pale things walking and crawling around, feasting upon what little they hadn’t already eaten. 

“Aight scrap,” Crush whispered “any idea of a plan?”

“Just gotta crush ‘em, roight?” She punched her palm. “So we crush ‘em!”

“Ya you right.” Crush replied. He stood up straight and uttered a roar, with scrap in his one hand and the massive log in the other, he charged forth from the hill. The pale creatures were caught horribly off guard, scattering all about as the massive troll, with another troll in his arms, charged into the village. Crush swung about his weapon and scrap using her magic to toss around the pale things. But soon enough, the two were surrounded, a massive horde of flesh on all side, yet, they did not attack, they didn’t swarm at them like they had the humans, instead, they kept their distance. 

And then, above it all, a shout was heard, the voice gravelly and harsh. “Stoneskin!”. The horde of pale skins parted, and a massive horned creature walked through. Ragged red fur clung to its form and its head looked like that of a wolves, yet the skin of the muzzle had been torn away. Various pieces of metal were put upon its body, and in one hand it held a massive hammer-like object. 

“Glad to see that you’ve returned, Stoneskin.” The creature continued, the other pale things seemed to keep their distance from this figure, some even bowing in reverence. This large creature stared at the two trolls. “I wish, to speak.” 

“Speak ‘bout what?” Crush replied, 

“I do not wish to fight you, Stoneskin,” They began “I have no desire to see more of my kin fall, its clear we both have interests in this village, and so,” They stretched their arms out, gesturing around the area. “let us talk, shall we?”

“Dun’ like this, boss… They’re too friendly - just like draugs. Can’t trust ‘em.” Scrap hid warily behind Crush’s trunk-like leg.

Crush let his right arm pat Scrap, guarding the smaller troll in case the pale things surged forward. “Aye, we’ll talk, what u want? Hummies told us to clear ya from the village, in exchange they teach us about cow thing.”

The large being chuckled “I see, going soft on us Stoneskin? dealing with the Unmarked is something neither of us do often.” 

“Sometimes, ya have to,” Crush replied “We need cow for great Cragkingdom, for food.” 

“Ah yes, the great endeavor of flesh for all.” The being gestured once more to the pale things around him. “Something me and my kin relate to,” He grinned, and gazed towards scrap. “See? we and you are not so different.” 

Crush took a slight step forward, bringing his form up and straightening himself. “You will leave dis village, that is our demand for talk.” He gazed around to the pale things, hoping he was giving off a sense of authority. 

The creature stared at him, its grin slowly falling, it gazed too at its “kin”, before turning its attention back to Crush. “Very well, Stoneskin, but, in exchange, [i]you[/i] will not interfere with our hunts again, this village will be safe, but if you come across us again, you will not stop us.” 

Crush thought for a moment, looking down at Scrap, who eyed the beings with suspicion, before offering Crush a shrug. “Sounds like a deal ta me, boss.”

He turned his head back to the creature “Very well, wut is ur name? so we know if we meet ‘gain.” 

“Helmut, Lord of the Palefire Brood, yours?”

“Crush, son of Cragking Thunder.”

“Very well Crush, I believe we are done here.” 

“Yes.” 

Helmut raised his arm wielding the hammer, emitting a loud screech, it reminded Crush of a dying hog squealing as it was speared. And in seconds, the pale creatures retreated from their encircling of Crush and Scrap, gathering up bones, flesh, and metal scraps, before vanishing in massive waves behind the huts and buildings, scurrying off from where they came. 

“Until we meet again.” Helmut spoke, before too running off to join his kin. 

Soon enough, the two trolls were left alone, in the shattered ruins of the village. “That wus...weird.” Crush finally spoke. 

“You tellin’ me?! Woss is those fhings anyway?!” Scrap kicked a charred plank into the sunset, all of two feet. She stuffed both hands in the pockets of her hide overalls and sniffed passively. “So thassit? Who was they anyway? Whot was all that about ‘huntin’ and that? We don’t want no competishun ‘round ‘ere.” She stuck a pinky up a nostril.

Crush could only shrug “I dunno, we shuld ask me pap about dem pale thingies wen we get back to Crag, de seem dangerous.” 

He stood there for a moment, staring at the distance to ensure the creatures had finally vanished “Well, lets get em hummies and bring dem back.” 

He let scrap clamber back up upon him before heading off. Once more tracing his steps back to where they had deposited the humans. And only getting slightly lost on the way there. Finally, they arrived back to the group of humans, who had huddled underneath a few trees for shelter. 

“I got good news.” Crush declared as he came into view. 

“Did you shoo them away?!”

“Did you kill them?!”

“Is-is my family okay?”

Scrap shut them all up with a loud clap. “HEY! Quiet down when the gen’ral’s speakin’!” She cleared her throat and gestured up at Crush. “Go ahead, gov.”

“Dank ya Scrap.” Crush spoke, before turning his attention to the humans “We chased dem pale thingies off, they wunt bother ya no more, i think some of ya kin managed to escape, but I can’t say fur certain.” Crush did slightly hope what he said had some truth to it, he still needed the humans to help him out with those cow things. The humans seemed courageous enough now to summon forth some form of happiness in their stupour of trauma. Some even smiled. That was until Scrap clicked her fat tongue against her yellow teeth and snorted. 

“Now don’ get too happy. We ‘ad a deal, remember?”

The humans swallowed as one. The woman from earlier whispered, “Yes… A deal… D-do you have any cows of your own? Anything you can practice on?”

Scrap looked up at Crush. “Shit, we don’, do we?”

“nope, we weren’t prepared for this, pa didn’t tell me what those four leg things were to begin with.” Crush replied, scratching his head. Scrap scratched her head, too.

“Humans! Show us where there be cows!”

They all looked uncomfortably at one another. “W-well, the thing is…”

“Our cows were the first to be killed and eaten by the Skrill… I doubt there’d be any left for us to show you. Unless…”

“Unless you saw their corpses lying around. That might’ve told you what to look for. Did, did you see big, four-legged corpses lying in the grass?”

“So you wuz lyin’ after all, huh?!” Scrap snarled and raised a hand threateningly Beata cowering. Then, however, she lowered it and sighed. “Remember if we saw anything like that, boss?”

Crush eyes widened as his brain tried to remember what had occurred. “Oh ya!” he finally declared “dey did look like furry juddra, more small heads though and some had horns, dat dem?” 

“Sounds ‘bout roight,” Scrap nodded. The humans looked shocked, though it seemed founded less in fear and more in confusion, perhaps even pity. The woman blinked as she tried to find the proper words.

“S-so… You know what juddra are, right?”

“Know ‘em?! Pfft, lady, lady, lady… Where we’re from, juddra roam around everywhere. S’like they own the place - them ‘n those boaks… And the boraks... And the felgars… And don’t even get me started on the madriel.” Scrap kicked a small pebble to vent her frustration. The woman stuttered in disbelief.

“Th-then if you have so many juddra, why do you need cows?”

“PFFFFT! Stupid humie! That’s ‘cuz… Is ‘cuz…” Scrap’s eyes grew smaller and smaller with thought, and slowly, her fingers made their way up to her chin to nip at it ponderously. “... Oi, boss, why do we need cows, actually?”

“uhhhh.” Crush too had to stroke his chin to think “I, uh, dun know, me pa said to find hummies and four legs so…..if Juddra like cow, we don need cow….” One could most definitely hear the stones turning inside his head. “so….wut now?” 

“Uh…” Scrap’s own tectonic brain inched forward a millimeter. “We ‘ead back, I guess - tell the king.”

“W-wait, you’re just leaving like that?” exclaimed one of the humans.

Crush looked at the humans “well, s’pose we culd take yas back to yur village. If yas want.” 

“W-well,” the humans hesitated, “how about you just let us free, and we’ll get back on our own.” A few of them struggled against the binds of hair. Scrap rolled her eyes quietly and snapped her fingers; the binds went limp and collected on the ground around the humans’ feet.

“Righto, off ye go.”

The humans shifted between the midget and the giant, and then kicked off into a sprint in the general direction of wherever, hoping more to get away than to get home. Scrap pocketed her hands and kicked a stray pebble. “So, we goin’ home?”

“Ya, lets” Crush replied, taking the lead back towards the Cragkeep. The two of them showed up before the Cragking Thunder with this surprising knowledge, and the Cragking agreed that choosing to herd the local animals was indeed quite a wise move. He commended Crush and Scrap both for their great wisdom, and gave them each a juddra of their own as reward, picked from a flock that happened to pass by not too far away from their cave entrance. Soon, trolls rushed out of the cave in the night, picking up juddra herd by herd and bringing them back to the cave for milking. When these juddra eventually escaped again during the day, the trolls had to rush back out to capture them again. They did the same with felgar, boak and boraks, though these respectively proved too agile, too evasive or simply too fat for most trolls to easily capture and bring home. Undeterred, however, the Cragking’s subjects persevered, bringing home catch after catch and storing them in containers fashioned from large rocks for later consumption. So was founded the very first milk and meat-runners, and everyone forgot that the mission also was supposed to include the capture of a hundred humans.

Oh well.

[hider=Summary!]
Cragking Thunder’s hungry, and so are many other of his fast-growing number of subjects. He sends his son, Gen’ral Crush, to capture four-legged creatures for them to milk and eat, as he’s sees humans do, and humans to show them how humans do it. Crush agrees, bringing with him Scrap, the askeladd shaman. They head down in search of humans to teach them to hold animals and find that the villages grow sparcer and sparcer around them by the day. Funny that.

Either way, they arrive in a village after following the sudden appearance of smoke, which is being overrun with Iskrill! They are momentarily confused, but grab some humans in the chaos and return to the forest, asking the humans what the hell that was. The humans, caught by trolls, are understandably miffed, so they are pretty scared for a while before fessing up. They’re at first confused as to what the trolls want, as they keep saying they want four-legged things. After drawing some, the trolls learn that the things they want are called cows, and that the humans have some they are willing to trade for the trolls kicking out the Iskrill. They do, or not really - the Iskrill actually approach them all friendly-like and ask them to cooperate. Crush convinces them to leave if the trolls never interfere with them again, so that’s over with. They then go back to the humans, who then ask if they have any cows. Turns out that the humans didn’t have cows after all, or that those that they had were eaten first. Another twist: The trolls didn’t know what cows were, but they knew what juddra were, so the humans ask why they didn’t just raise juddra. The trolls, unable to come up with an argument, return home to raise juddra.
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[hider=Prestigios]
Gen’ral Crush: 5 + 5 = 10
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