[quote=@KillamriX88] [b]WIP[/b] but I wanted to stick my foot in the door since I did have a mostly fleshed out concept. I'll finish the little stuff when I can. You know... like... a name... If you have any advice or input on what I've put down so far, please feel free to throw it at me. [hider=CS] This is done with an in-character dossier of information readily available about your character in mind, in addition to that which they are willing to disclose to those hiring them for the mission. Anything you do not want visible to the public please PM to me. [u][b]Full name:[/b][/u] [hider=My Hider] [center][img]https://i.imgur.com/GaqJaQt.png[/img][/center] [/hider] [u][b]Race:[/b][/u] Asari [u][b]Citizenship:[/b][/u] She was last an official citizen of the Systems Alliance [u][b]Aliases:[/b][/u] [u][b]Age:[/b][/u] 99 [u][b]Gender:[/b][/u] Female [u][b]Psych. Eval.:[/b][/u] [u][b]Phys. Eval.:[/b][/u] [u][b]Biotics:[/b][/u] She has been discovered to have prodigious biotic strength, even for an asari, though her relative youth and limited training limit her potential, however she has an aptitude for creating extremely durable biotic barriers, and is fully capable of using her biotics for basic telekinetic purposes: pushing, pulling, lifting, etc. [u][b]Qualifications:[/b][/u] Decades of mercenary experience with an unusually high survival rate for anyone working with her or under her protection. While not boasting a totally flawless record for completing assignments, she has never lost a client. She's an ace marksman with reliable biotics as a back-up. [u][b]History:[/b][/u] [hider=My Hider] She was born to a retired Alliance marksman with middling biotic capabilities and an older Asari who had been entering the matriarch phase of her life. Her mother had thought she was past having children, but apparently something about her father had gotten her attention, and so she'd decided to change course just a little while longer. She spent most of her early childhood with two sisters and her father. Her mother had stronger encouraged the three to spend as much time with their father as possible, knowing their time with him would be comparatively limited. This was where she learned to use a rifle, her and her "middle sister" having been fascinated by his war stories. The "little sister" of the three often tagged along, but ended up being the quiet one, overshadowed by the middle's enthusiasm. It was only (?)'s strong will that kept her from similarly being overshadowed. They had settled on a quiet planet in human space, not too far from their father's friends and relatives, but somewhat isolated, allowing their father some peace in his retirement. Much needed peace and quiet, having survived the Reaper conflict. Their mother would often say it was that "seen it all" look in his eyes that had gotten her interest. The peace was not to last. There was always an element of chaos. For some, they forget the hell of their near extinction all too quickly and looked to capitalize on the aftermath. Neither their mother's years of wisdom and experience or their father's time as a soldier could keep them together. It was no grand catastrophe or uncommon event that ended their happy days, but a simple band of marauders that numbered one too many. Barely out of their teens by human standards, the sisters were forced to flee, as their presence could only have delayed the inevitable at best. At the time, she was not aware of what she would one day be capable of, and unrealized potential matters little in a crisis. After fleeing, a few of her father's old friends banded together upon hearing what happened and went to investigate, but could only bring back the news the sisters had feared the most. The years went by. They grew up largely around humans at first, staying with what they knew. In doing so they lacked heavily in guidance that they could have received from others of their kind, though in time this would prove at least somewhat beneficial. The middle sister took to traveling, putting into practice their father's teachings in order to make a living. (?) would follow her, always having been the most responsible, and wanting to ensure her sister didn't do anything stupid. The little sister stayed behind, living a simple, civilian life and making sure they'd always have a home to return to. (?) would take any odd job, not wanting to become a soldier of fortune like her sister was becoming. Construction, cooking, cleaning, simple security, etc. After a few years she'd done just about everything you didn't need a formal education to do. She did whatever it took to afford food, shelter, and the supplies to maintain her rifle. While she was not a mercenary, it was all she had left as a connection to her father. Furthermore, seeing as her sister [i]was[/i] a mercenary, if she was to [i]actually[/i] keep her out of trouble, she needed to be ready. Whenever it was time to move on, she'd often book passage to other worlds on whatever ship her sister had been hired to protect, leading to what eventually became a well rehearsed routine. "I'm not paying for your ticket." "I didn't ask you to." It was one such ship that altered the course of her life. For better or for worse, she debates to this very day. Pirates caught them between jumps, seeming happy to haul the wreck of their ship back to sell as salvage if they couldn't board the ship itself. Outgunned, they tried to run but there was no escaping in time. (?) put herself alone in the rear cargo-hold as the pirates locked on. Their ships shields had long since failed, and further attacks would have started venting the hull. In desperation, she threw up a biotic barrier, hoping to just buy a little more time. One shot, then two, her barrier alone withstood multiple shots from the pirate's cannons. Next came a missile, and still the ship survived as her barrier nullified the blast, but she'd been pushed past her limit. Her vision faded and she was tossed from the cargo-hold out into space. Their ship had recovered its shields, but they would fail again before long once the next barrage struck. Limping through space, it seemed surrender was their only hope for any of them to survive, though what fate truly awaited them none could say... but the attacks stopped before they could radio their pursuers. Instead, the pirate ship radioed them first. "Everyone OK?" She had blacked out briefly, but awoken moments later, drifting in space. At the last moment, she'd used her biotics to launch herself to the pirate's ship and break into it. While hardly a commando, a handful of startled pirates hadn't stood a chance. It was from here that a schism slowly grew between the two traveling sisters. In one fell swoop, she'd completely stolen the show from her sister. People began asking for her, assuming [i]she[/i] was the gun for hire. While she'd occasionally worked as her sister's partner if it was absolutely necessary, she'd never before considered it to be her line of work. More and more, however, she began to get dragged into it. More and more, she proved her greater aptitude. More and more her sister began to resent her. Eventually, the tension between the two boiled over and they split apart. Some time after, the cursed year struck. Both sisters were fortunate in a way. They hadn't really grown up as typical Asari, and both had become rather well integrated into their lines of work. They just sort of... continued on as they were, though often having to avoid heavily populated worlds and ports. It was during this time that (?) fully shifted gears into mercenary work. A regular job in a regular city was hard to come by as an Asari, but there was always someone that needed a gun, and hers was becoming highly sought after. And so she drifted, feeling as though she'd lost her way. Though, with seemingly the whole galaxy having turned against her and her kind, she felt there was little she could do about it. There was, however, a silver-lining to this. Immersed as she was in this new life, she was now a part of a certain circle of people. One day she was contacted by a group for job -- a group that she quickly recognized. She'd had a lot of time to think, and she'd figured out why her seemingly unremarkable family had been targeted. Having lived out on their own, they had been isolated. Her mother being an Asari matriarch, their attackers had figured they'd be an easy, but potentially lucrative target. Low risk, high reward, or at least they'd hoped. They'd been right enough. And now, unknowingly, those same people wanted to hire her. Their group had grown over the years, taking on the name "Hope of Fortune," though still smaller than some of the more infamous mercenary outfits. They'd become too big to work as raiders, as they'd draw too much attention to themselves, and had turned to working as hired muscle, often working underneath those other, bigger groups. They wanted her, figuring her experience and biotic talents would help them land their biggest job yet. They didn't know who she was, but she knew who they were. She agreed on the spot. She'd barely asked any questions, and honestly had at times feared she looked too eager. She was able to discover that they still worked under the same leadership, though in his advancing age he rarely stepped foot into battle himself anymore. She tried to contact her sister, but had no idea where to even start, and resolved to simply having some of her contacts do their best to track her down. If she was still a mercenary herself, there was hope they'd manage sooner of later. However, sooner or later wasn't something she could wait on. The job was basically a territory dispute on some backwater planet, with each side wanting the land for themselves to set up shop. It was close enough to a lucrative trade route to set up a good smuggling operation. Their side already had a foothold, while the other side insisted that it was their territory the other was encroaching on. Her plan was almost foolhardy in its simplicity. She leaked some information to the rival side and leveraged her own reputation to take command of the group on her side. She sent dozens of mercenaries to their deaths, and when they tried to retreat, they found a nigh impenetrable biotic barrier blocking their way while they were left to be slaughtered. When the rival group stormed the base, they found naught but corpses, with no sign of their killer. (?), meanwhile, slipped away, returning to her employer. She called ahead to report her "failure," but when her ship landed, she wasn't on it. She'd allowed the onboard VI to go through the simple process of landing the ship at their compound. She wasn't all that far away though, she watched the mercenaries scratch their heads through her scope as the boarding ramp of her ship lowered, only for no one to walk down it. She watched their boss scream his head off about something or another. In hindsight, she should have shot him then and there. She shot the men next to him first, wanting him to feel some of the fear she'd felt all those years ago. However, it unfortunately let the old-man turn activate his personal shields, her shots glancing off them as he ran for it. There was a good reason he'd been furious, though. He'd lost a lot of men due to the stunt she'd pulled. She hunted him down throughout his own compound, picking them off one-by-one and unleashing her untamed but powerful biotics upon them. In the end she cornered him at the far end of his little base where he'd gathered the last of his group to set up a last ditch ambush. Any other day it wouldn't have worked, but she'd been out for blood and with each pull of the trigger she'd fallen more and more prey to her own tunnel-vision. She quickly used her biotics to shield herself from the barrage of gunfire, and then... she had an idea. She expanded her barrier more and more until it filled the entire room -- but she didn't let any of them inside of it. She let out a surge of power that destroyed the entire room, smashing them all flat. Even as she saw the walls of the compound begin to crumble around her, she didn't stop. She'd missed her shot once, but not again. Between fighting her way into that room and her final stunt she was spent as the compound collapsed in on her. She was to awaken once more, however. She awoke to see her sister. In the end she had gotten her message and come for her and dragged her out of the wreckage. She was chastised for her foolishness and "Oh how the tables have turned. You've changed, sister. So reckless." As well as "You've done it again, putting on some crazy performance. Are you trying to put me out of business?" Somehow, the results were the opposite this time. Having avenged their family at nearly the cost of her own life, her stunt had begun the process of mending their relationship. They resumed working together for a time, but it was all very routine in the coming decades. At first she was worried that was technically amounted to a betrayal of her employer would leave her blacklisted, but she'd earned the respect of enough of her contacts that they were willing to spin things for her. After all, it wasn't like anyone [i]else[/i] had killed her parents. Rather, she was in higher demand than ever. After all, she'd in the end she'd single-handedly crushed an entire mercenary group out of sheer spite. Having well and truly established herself, she had more opportunities than ever to sharpen her skills, especially as Asari slowly began to become accepted again. Until she just dropped off the radar. It had all been a blur, being forced into a life she never would have chosen only to be so good at it, it had been hard to stop. So, one day, she just hit the brakes, hoping to fade into the background until she was forgotten and could live a more peaceful life... Her middle sister was still off working as a hired gun, but as a more permanent member of a mostly legitimate private military company, where she'd apparently found love with one of the other women who worked there. Her little sister meanwhile had started studying the rachni, hearing that their species had turned on each other, and curious to see if anything could be done for the peaceful once that remained. And (?)? Well she wasn't doing much of anything by comparison. A violent century had flown by, and while she was only a quick call away if her sisters ever needed her, she was content to let the next one pass by quietly. [/hider] [u][b]Position:[/b][/u] Designated marksman [u][b]Recruited:[/b][/u] Yes [u][b]Inventory & Logistics:[/b][/u] An effectively antique M-96 Mattock assault rifle with a modified scope. [u][b]Notoriety:[/b][/u] 3 While a very effective mercenary, she never went out of her way to find glory, so to the less informed she's just one of many. To those who've heard her stories, however... More than likely, rather than her weapon skills, it would be the mix of her tactical prowess and unusually intense biotic outbursts that draw attention to her. [u][b]Misc.:[/b][/u] N/A [u][b][Blasts from the Past]:[/b][/u] Yes [/hider] [/quote] Hey there, a few comments. I know this is a WIP so perhaps you have plans to iron this out for the final version but I'll for now relay the thoughts of the GM cabal in its "as-is" state. [quote]She has been discovered to have prodigious biotic strength, even for an asari[/quote] Is a very dubious thing in our opinion. I would like to refer you to the element "on-power level." of the above. I don't want to be a hardass but its not very interesting when a character in the team can just do whatever the hell they like with their biotic fiat. Now of course that's a very vague thing and it may not be as OP as we are imagining (after all, most Asari choose to not pursue the further development and practice of their biotics and in contrast to them any practiced biotic is a prodigy) but at the same time its hard for us to not go for the worst case when we don't see an actual quantification of the power. In the inventory you should I think expand a little more as your character most certainly isn't just carrying their firearms; mention armour (light, medium, heavy, or none will suffice) and such. Also, in regards to the history/backstory it is long but it doesn't feel like it touches in-depth look at the character and how they turned out the way they did, it was a deep dive into a few formative events rather than a deep dive into why those events were formative; it would be nice to stuff like how she and her family dealt with the rising bigotry to Asari following the cursed year and it would be nice if we got names to the individuals in her life. I think there is a great amount of potential here but it needs to do some refinement. I also highly recommend joining the discord as it would make clearing this up a heck of a lot easier