Right so it's time to begin these formalized reviews. We've already given some feedback to many of you on the Discord channel, but nonetheless we'll still try to reciprocate your time and effort in crafting the CS with time and effort of our own in giving as much useful feedback and honest thoughts that we can, rather than just a flat approval or rejection. So without further ado: [@ZAVAZggg] for Tarr'kash [hider] We’ve already discussed how it’s fine to brush over our general criterion of the myth demonstrating something of what the character looks like, because you intend to reveal that later on as part of your IC storytelling. I do like how your myth here takes the form of a dialogue that actually serves as a sort of introduction for what you’ll be doing IC with this scholar investigating the mine, so you’ve already got an initial plot arc in the works and we know that you’ve got plenty of plans to see it further. All very good. On its face the “eldritch abomination trapped down in the dark” archetype is a well-used trope and we don’t see any particularly unique spin here, but that’s fine so long as it’s done well and it leads us to solid plot arcs. Not every character needs to have some strange twist, and yours occupies a welcome niche of its own as I don’t think anybody else is focusing on causing insanity and eldritch mutations as a means of their scion exerting power. I think Tarr’kash will be a good addition to the story, so consider your sheet approved! [/hider] [@Vec] for Gyvressainth [hider] Gyvressainth is quite the mouthful! And fingerful. Good thing you gave him some easier monikers; we’ll probably all be using those or some sort of abbreviated name, haha. I liked how we got to see some details of what role your scion occupied and where and how it was defeated. Also I’ll reiterate that I think Stonetree Point is a cool place to set up shop and that I think the Paterdomus area will get really interesting with so many people setting up shop nearby. Hopefully that praise can soften this blow to come: this quote, “ imploding their souls, killing them instantly” raised some alarm bells as it was NOT what Oraculum and I had in mind for the setting. I’ll refer you back to this excerpt from the OP so that you can hopefully realize why: [quote=OP] True magic is an elusive power in this world, difficult to wield and always coming at a cost: be that in the form of time, rare reagents, sacrificial blood, some mix of the three, or more…[u]In general the usage of magic is too laborious to be of much use in combat[/u], as extensive preparations must go into any ritual that hopes to channel potent magic. [/quote] Though it’s perhaps thematically better than just lobbing fireballs like a generic wizard or shooting lightning from the fingertips like Palpatine, at the end of the day imploding someone’s soul is accomplishing basically the same thing, and that’s not how we want magic to be depicted or utilized in the setting. Fortunately those few words could just be discarded or waved off as that guy talking in your myth not knowing what he’s on about or giving some exaggerated tale. The other things that you bring up are more interesting, but we note that we still don’t really know what ‘soul magic’ is intended to do or what twisting the soul has to do with “twisting his opponents into gross malformations of flesh”. Further explanation into what you intend to do with soul magic and how it works seems needed; ideally you might find a way to work it into your myth there, but if that proves too hard we can just talk about it on the Discord too. A final point is that you give your scion titles like ‘Manipulator’ but we don’t really see why; Oraculum and I would like to encourage you to explore this insidious and cunning side of the character that you subtly hint at. Breaking the psyche of his victims or perhaps stealing their memories or knowledge (if that’s what you meant when you alluded to him sucking out souls to empower himself) seem like very cool powers for Gyvre. In conclusion we like the themes you’re presenting, but we feel like you’d benefit from honing these ideas down and focusing them a bit more. That might also make Gyvre stand out a bit more from Tarr’kash in what he does. You’re on the right path; just a few changes and some more info and then I’m sure we’ll feel good about accepting your CS, but as of yet we’re not ready to do that. [/hider] [@Humble1] for Shiran [hider] I’m always a big fan of the ‘evil’ or ‘dark and twisted’ nature archetype, and it’s cool to envision that taking place around the Greatwood and Cape Rot. We’re not satisfied with the myth as it is, though. You’ve given us more of a detached description than a [i]narratively told[/i] myth as we are looking for in these sheets, and besides we’re not sure about exactly what sort of powers Shiran would have or what sort of things she’d be wanting to do now. At this point I don’t feel that there’s enough here for me to give you the rubberstamp of acceptance. We need more details and commitment to the sheet, but if you have any questions or would like to bounce ideas or get us to help brainstorming, Oraculum and I would be glad to help. [/hider] And of course [@Antarctic Termite] got accepted earlier today on the Discord. Oraculum and I have nothing but praise for your third CS there pal; it’s honestly better than the one that I made for King Uhtric, haha. And that’s all for right now, for Oraculum is only a meager mortal and not a mighty scion, so he must succumb to weariness and sleep now. More reviews shall come later! Those of you who get accepted can repost your sheets into the character tab for ease of reference later. And for anybody that didn’t get approved just now or doesn’t get approved on the first round when we do the pass over your sheet eventually, don’t sweat. A rejection from us is nothing personal; our criticisms may seem exhaustive, but that’s just because we don’t want to waste your time string you along three or four times when we could just tell you all our complaints so that you have a chance to address them in one go. For all our pickiness we’re happy to answer any questions and you’re welcome to edit your character sheets as many times as necessary, or scrap them altogether and start anew if that’s what you’d prefer.